I went shopping today in the Boxing Day sales for a new pair of hiking boots for my trip next weekend. My old pair, now 5 years old, are literally coming apart at the seams and are definitely not waterproof anymore. Also, they caused my toenails to fall off when hiking the Tongariro Crossing last year for work. For short, dry day hikes, they'll be OK--for anything else, such as my for my fieldwork, they will not. And no, work does not pay for hiking boots even though it is a necessity for all of my fieldwork (I normally spend roughly a month a year or more doing fieldwork).
So. I am a broken record when it comes to shopping in NZ, or how people do anything in NZ, in general. Hiking gear here is very very expensive. The pair of boots I liked the most is $250 NZD on sale; the same pair of boots in the US is ~$100 USD. Also, if I buy in the US (from REI), I can take the boots out for a spin and if I hate them or they fit weird or fall apart, I can exchange them for a different pair, no problem (REI is very expensive but you gotta love that policy!). At Bivouac, where they sell the shoes here, there is no such promise. I'd have to wear the shoes only around the house and decide whether or not to risk taking them out on an 8-10 hour hike. There is a huge difference between wearing shoes indoors for a couple of hours vs wearing them on a steep rocky hike for 8 hours...and $250 is a lot of money to part with for such a gamble.
I came home and looked at the reviews of the boots, too. They are decent boots, but I have some concerns about durability and waterproofing. For that kind of money, I need to know that they will last a loooong time AND be extremely waterproof. For the record, my old boots were REI brand, $50 on clearance, and have lasted 5 years, traversing terrain as varied as glaciers to hours-old lava flows, before falling apart. (I think the toenail falling off thing was my fault for not wearing extra sock layers.) I guess REI doesn't make women's boots anymore because I'd just buy a similar pair to the ones I have if I could find them...
I just need to hop over to the US for a day and get all of this stuff. That's it--just one day! I could bring back everything that I need for the next year. I really wish the US hadn't spoiled me so much; I could just buy things without a second thought because I wouldn't know any differently!
So I guess I am not buying the boots that I desperately need in NZ. I'm either ponying up the $60 international shipping fee for REI or I'm making do until this summer, when I go home again and can shop for real. ...unless I get desperate and need boots RIGHT AWAY. Which is also a huge possibility.
Ah, indecision...
[NZ-ers: Kathmandu, Bivouac, is there anywhere else that would sell woman's hiking boots that I should check out? I am really wanting to buy Asolo's but can't seem to find them anywhere here.]
Monday, December 27, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
The Real Reason I Don't Go Home for Christmas
I haven't been home for Christmas for 2 years now. This is practically unheard of--I hadn't missed a Christmas with my family in 30 years--my entire life--up until that point. I was thinking about why I don't go home anymore today, and realized that I had nearly forgotten the real reason I stopped going home for Christmas. Aside from the cost ($3K), and time commitment (at least two weeks of precious NZ summertime and time off from work), the real reason I swore never to come home for Xmas again was this incident.
I'm so happy that I have almost forgotten that experience, and what it means that I forgot. It really was one of the worst of my life, to have someone I love so much think that I was so threatening or dangerous to her that she needed protection from me. And I'm sure it was a low point for her, as well. The fact that I've almost forgotten also means that my sister has been doing well for quite some time now, and I haven't had to write any sad posts about her for a long time. This period of sanity is the longest she's had since she got sick at 20 years old in 2001. Before, she would be OK for about 6 to 8 months, and then BAM, hospitalized again, for at least 3 months and at the longest, 8 months. Her bipolar episodes used to reoccur every April (there is a trigger event then in her past), but it at least skipped last year.
I'm also happy to report that emotionally, she is doing well. She still lets people take advantage of her kindness, and is working on that. She's taking her meds and has been through the program that she was accepted to last year. She is still on disability, and is living in the 'independent apartment' section of the program that she is in--the top level that you can get to--and has a (crazy) roommate (welcome to the club, eh?). She also has a small part time job helping out around their facilities, getting new people settled into and comfortable in the program. She's also taking one college class at a time at a local community college, paid for by a federal Pell Grant, and wants to further her associate's degree with a bachelor's degree in sociology, probably. She's still kind of all over the place with what she wants her major to be, and she still needs help with her classes--she has a note-taker to help her, because she has ADD and some other learning disabilities. She also has a long-term boyfriend, one who is also in the program and lives next door, and he seems very kind to her. She has a $45 hospital bill she is slowly paying down, as well as a credit card bill >$1K that my mom paid and she is repaying my mom for. She also, very cutely, has a 'NZ Fund' that she puts $5 into every once in a while. I think that is up to ~$100 now.
I'm so grateful for all of that. It seems that, while slowly, she is getting her life headed in the direction she wants it to go. It's nice that she finally has some control over that!
She still has some struggles, though. She lamented that she doesn't have any friends there anymore just last night. I think this is because she is doing so much better than most of those other people, emotionally, but still the outside world, the 'normally ill' (vs mentally ill) people, as she calls them, don't accept her because she's not quite there yet and because of the HUGE stigma on mentally ill people--all of her friends from her past (which were also my friends, in most cases) have abandoned her because of the things she said and did when she was ill. They take it so far, in fact, that they won't even friend me on facebook because they just don't want to be associated with her. So she's in a weird limbo position between sane and 'never-been-in-a-mental-hospital' and those that frequently go.
Also, she weighs 300+ pounds and has recently been diagnosed with diabetes. This scares the bejesus out of me. It has been 6 months since the diagnosis, and she has not lost ANY weight, despite claims that she's trying or that she really is scared of losing her eyesight and/or limbs. This is my biggest concern for her right now. I keep telling her that all I want for Christmas and my birthday is for her to be healthier and be able to keep up with me and my mom next Christmas when they come to NZ. She just is eating badly, not working out, and it shows. Her idea of 'trying' is to ride the stationary bike for 5 minutes and then 'reward' herself with a donut. Grrr. I don't want to nag her but this is really important.
As for me, well, there are many times when I ashamedly get jealous when I see siblings together, acting like she and I used to act, before she got sick. Or when a friend or acquaintance talks about their brother or sister who is doing something awesome, like traveling the world or having a great job and how they are going to take a vacation together, and brag about how great they get along. I AM VERY proud of my sister and her progress and her willingness just to get up and try over and over again in the face of huge odds, but 'staying out of the mental hospital' isn't something that most people brag about or want to hear when you are making casual, get-to-know-you chitchat. That part is awkward, and I HATE hearing the question, "What does your sister do?" because it puts me in a really awkward position. Either I do what I want to do--gently tell the truth--and make them feel awkward and kill the conversation (there is NO way to couch mental illness--believe me, I've tried--and it inevitably ends with changing the subject quickly or them leaving), or I lie or gloss over the truth to make them feel comfortable, which makes me uncomfortable because I usually make her sound like she's a fly-by-night F-up because she doesn't have her degree and doesn't have a normal job that I can talk about and still lives back home close to my parents. I hang out with mostly academic people, so those are the first things they ask about--what degree does your sister have, what job does she have and where does she live? Most of their siblings are PhD's living in the Congo studying bonobos or whatnot. It's difficult for me, but in comparison with her struggles, I know that sounds petty and I feel guilty even complaining about it most of the time, so I don't--well, just on this blog. I've voluntarily told one person in NZ about her, and I've had to tell one of my bosses about my family situation because she was asking about my future plans for my career.
All in all, I'm so, so grateful that she is doing well this Christmas! I'm so proud of her and so incredibly blessed that she is in my life. I've learned so much from her about perseverance and attitude and happiness. I hope it continues and that we have a fantastic time next Christmas when she comes to visit me in NZ!!
Merry Christmas Eve, all!
I'm so happy that I have almost forgotten that experience, and what it means that I forgot. It really was one of the worst of my life, to have someone I love so much think that I was so threatening or dangerous to her that she needed protection from me. And I'm sure it was a low point for her, as well. The fact that I've almost forgotten also means that my sister has been doing well for quite some time now, and I haven't had to write any sad posts about her for a long time. This period of sanity is the longest she's had since she got sick at 20 years old in 2001. Before, she would be OK for about 6 to 8 months, and then BAM, hospitalized again, for at least 3 months and at the longest, 8 months. Her bipolar episodes used to reoccur every April (there is a trigger event then in her past), but it at least skipped last year.
I'm also happy to report that emotionally, she is doing well. She still lets people take advantage of her kindness, and is working on that. She's taking her meds and has been through the program that she was accepted to last year. She is still on disability, and is living in the 'independent apartment' section of the program that she is in--the top level that you can get to--and has a (crazy) roommate (welcome to the club, eh?). She also has a small part time job helping out around their facilities, getting new people settled into and comfortable in the program. She's also taking one college class at a time at a local community college, paid for by a federal Pell Grant, and wants to further her associate's degree with a bachelor's degree in sociology, probably. She's still kind of all over the place with what she wants her major to be, and she still needs help with her classes--she has a note-taker to help her, because she has ADD and some other learning disabilities. She also has a long-term boyfriend, one who is also in the program and lives next door, and he seems very kind to her. She has a $45 hospital bill she is slowly paying down, as well as a credit card bill >$1K that my mom paid and she is repaying my mom for. She also, very cutely, has a 'NZ Fund' that she puts $5 into every once in a while. I think that is up to ~$100 now.
I'm so grateful for all of that. It seems that, while slowly, she is getting her life headed in the direction she wants it to go. It's nice that she finally has some control over that!
She still has some struggles, though. She lamented that she doesn't have any friends there anymore just last night. I think this is because she is doing so much better than most of those other people, emotionally, but still the outside world, the 'normally ill' (vs mentally ill) people, as she calls them, don't accept her because she's not quite there yet and because of the HUGE stigma on mentally ill people--all of her friends from her past (which were also my friends, in most cases) have abandoned her because of the things she said and did when she was ill. They take it so far, in fact, that they won't even friend me on facebook because they just don't want to be associated with her. So she's in a weird limbo position between sane and 'never-been-in-a-mental-hospital' and those that frequently go.
Also, she weighs 300+ pounds and has recently been diagnosed with diabetes. This scares the bejesus out of me. It has been 6 months since the diagnosis, and she has not lost ANY weight, despite claims that she's trying or that she really is scared of losing her eyesight and/or limbs. This is my biggest concern for her right now. I keep telling her that all I want for Christmas and my birthday is for her to be healthier and be able to keep up with me and my mom next Christmas when they come to NZ. She just is eating badly, not working out, and it shows. Her idea of 'trying' is to ride the stationary bike for 5 minutes and then 'reward' herself with a donut. Grrr. I don't want to nag her but this is really important.
As for me, well, there are many times when I ashamedly get jealous when I see siblings together, acting like she and I used to act, before she got sick. Or when a friend or acquaintance talks about their brother or sister who is doing something awesome, like traveling the world or having a great job and how they are going to take a vacation together, and brag about how great they get along. I AM VERY proud of my sister and her progress and her willingness just to get up and try over and over again in the face of huge odds, but 'staying out of the mental hospital' isn't something that most people brag about or want to hear when you are making casual, get-to-know-you chitchat. That part is awkward, and I HATE hearing the question, "What does your sister do?" because it puts me in a really awkward position. Either I do what I want to do--gently tell the truth--and make them feel awkward and kill the conversation (there is NO way to couch mental illness--believe me, I've tried--and it inevitably ends with changing the subject quickly or them leaving), or I lie or gloss over the truth to make them feel comfortable, which makes me uncomfortable because I usually make her sound like she's a fly-by-night F-up because she doesn't have her degree and doesn't have a normal job that I can talk about and still lives back home close to my parents. I hang out with mostly academic people, so those are the first things they ask about--what degree does your sister have, what job does she have and where does she live? Most of their siblings are PhD's living in the Congo studying bonobos or whatnot. It's difficult for me, but in comparison with her struggles, I know that sounds petty and I feel guilty even complaining about it most of the time, so I don't--well, just on this blog. I've voluntarily told one person in NZ about her, and I've had to tell one of my bosses about my family situation because she was asking about my future plans for my career.
All in all, I'm so, so grateful that she is doing well this Christmas! I'm so proud of her and so incredibly blessed that she is in my life. I've learned so much from her about perseverance and attitude and happiness. I hope it continues and that we have a fantastic time next Christmas when she comes to visit me in NZ!!
Merry Christmas Eve, all!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Fiji
Hmmm, maybe not Fiji so much. Round trip tickets cost $750 NZD right now, and I only saved $4K to spend on an Australia trip. Australian dollars are worth nearly the same as American dollars right now, which means that my NZD are worth less than 3/4 of what they are here in NZ, AND probably less than that because I've heard that Australia is MUCH more expensive than even NZ!
What is a good estimate per day for Australia? We'll stay in hostels, fly between cities, do PB&J sandwiches whenever possible, and do the normal Whitsunday island sail, koala cuddling, etc. I want to skimp on food and accommodation wherever possible but not lose any of the fun entertaining activities! Think an itinerary of the following: Auckland-Melbourne-Brisbane-Whitsunday-Cairns-Uluru-Auckland over 2 weeks or so. We're skipping Sydney because my friend has been there dozens of times and doesn't want to go back, and I'll have the opportunity to go when my family comes to visit me next year.
Thanks!
What is a good estimate per day for Australia? We'll stay in hostels, fly between cities, do PB&J sandwiches whenever possible, and do the normal Whitsunday island sail, koala cuddling, etc. I want to skimp on food and accommodation wherever possible but not lose any of the fun entertaining activities! Think an itinerary of the following: Auckland-Melbourne-Brisbane-Whitsunday-Cairns-Uluru-Auckland over 2 weeks or so. We're skipping Sydney because my friend has been there dozens of times and doesn't want to go back, and I'll have the opportunity to go when my family comes to visit me next year.
Thanks!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Traveler
In addition to my New Year's eve trip and an Oz trip (which is definitely ON!) in the next two months, I now have an opportunity to go to Fiji, complete with a place to stay! I'm scared to look at ticket prices, because I really want to go and I don't want to have to say no due to the cost. Oh man.
What a tough life I have. :)
What a tough life I have. :)
Monday, December 20, 2010
Question
Here's a scenario for you, please help!
You are going to a foreign country for a good length of time and don't want to carry your (heavy) laptop with you, but you will almost certainly need to download photos of your trip to make room for more pictures, and to back up the existing pictures in case something awful happens and you lose or ruin your camera. You also don't want to hook your hard drive to random computers in internet cafes because of the rampant gross viruses that reside in most of those computers. What do you do? Is there any way to get around this? Maybe online data storage? lots and lots of memory cards? Not take many pictures (not a real option)??
You are going to a foreign country for a good length of time and don't want to carry your (heavy) laptop with you, but you will almost certainly need to download photos of your trip to make room for more pictures, and to back up the existing pictures in case something awful happens and you lose or ruin your camera. You also don't want to hook your hard drive to random computers in internet cafes because of the rampant gross viruses that reside in most of those computers. What do you do? Is there any way to get around this? Maybe online data storage? lots and lots of memory cards? Not take many pictures (not a real option)??
Bullet Points of Excitement
- Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed today. Finally. This doesn't really have a place for a mention in finance, but I am happy when my country makes me proud, and grants people the freedom that they deserve as American citizens. Not to mention, realize what most people in first world countries have realized long ago.
- Trip around the North Island for NYE (Dec 31 - Jan 4) coming up! So far we've booked a car and a spot to sleep for New Year's. The rest of the trip is fuzzy, and somehow, even though this is really my friends' trip (her friend is coming to visit), I was elected to plan it. I kind of love it, which is why I do it. Every trip needs a planner! I think we're headed down Taranaki-way. I'm dying to climb it!! Now just to find somewhere, anywhere, to sleep each night, during the most busy tourist period of the year, only a week in advance.
- My Australia trip just got pushed forward to mid-January. Hence, on top of making NYE plans, I am frantically making Oz plans, without really knowing when my friend can come over--her relative gets her free flights as long as she flies standby. Must be nice! Again, I am the planner in this duo, so I'm sketching together itineraries and such. It is kind of a hassle and there is some pressure--I will only go to many of these cities/destinations ONCE in my life, so I can't miss anything good--but I really kind of enjoy researching and fantasizing about how amazing things will be. I will blog my itinerary and hopefully you all can make comments.
- Due to all of the planning, I am not worrying about finding a new apartment until these trips are over. I need to get out of Auckland, pronto!
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| Photo credit: me! taken Nov. 27 from Devonport Auckland |
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Housing Treadmill
As soon as I moved into my place, I declared that it was where I'd stay until I left NZ.
Well, I guess I'm leaving NZ in a few months, then! My old roommate and I met with my landlord today to go over the new persons' lease and to sign off on old roommate's tenancy agreement. During our conversation, my landlord revealed that she was going to list the apartment for sale next month.
Huh. Yeah, that information would have been useful a WEEK AGO! Before all of this roommate nonsense. I've lived through the sale of a property before, just before I started this blog, actually (I mention it here). The process was excruciating. You have to keep everything spic n span at all times, and even with the law that states that you have to get at least 24 hours' notice before the real estate agents come into the property, someone barged in on me while I was in the shower. Not healthy for your heart, although my lungs got a good workout that day.
So I am staying on the housing treadmill, it seems. Landlord is going to try to sell the property tenanted, but there are absolutely no guarantees, and we'll have to still let strangers in our house and keep everything really really clean at all times while the property is being shown. I kind of don't want to deal with it, though, so I've started looking for apartments already. I've also made up an ideal house list. Because this is NZ, I WON'T get all of these things, but I can still dream...
1) completely furnished, large room with double or queen bed.
2) 1 or 2 roommates (no more than that)
3) my own bathroom with bathtub
4) one of the roommates owns a dog (preferably a lab) that I can hang out with and play with once in a while
5) high speed broadband, unlimited downloads
6) $210 or less per week, plus expenses
7) In city center, grafton, eden terrace, ponsonby, or parnell (ie close to my work so I can walk there in less than 20 minutes).
8) comfortable, home-y feel, not like the dark, dank utilitarian city apartments
My deal breakers are price, being furnished and having a tub, and having high speed internet. I need all of those things to be happy. Oh, and the shorter the commute, the better!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Leasing
I'm a weird one--once I get it in my head that I'm going to do something, not much can sway me from doing it. So under the pressure of my roommate and her boyfriend, I made myself the deadline of deciding on a new roommate by tonight. That's a mere 5 days after roommate told me she's moving out, and after only 3 evenings of interviewing people. That's insane. But I did it. In the end, it wasn't because she wanted me to (although it was initially), it was because I set that goal for myself.
So, which did I choose? The couple which saves me bank or the guy? I liked the people involved about the same amount, so more money vs more space became the deciding factors. Because I've been saving up (in fact I'm about out of ideas for new savings goals!), I'm OK with money. I could use (a LOT) more in retirement, but I don't feel like have to sacrifice anything for the sake of having a little more disposable income. I have everything that I really want, and I can afford everything that I want. I just choose not to buy it quite yet--til I feel I've earned it or really need it, I suppose. So it feels like a treat, rather than something that I deserve.
So, the obvious choice was more space. I let the nice fellow know that I'd love to have him come live with me, and after a little bit of a miscommunication (he's foreign), he accepted. Landlord comes on Saturday to do the inventory (docking the roommate for the garage door opener and the mattress because I let her know what was happening), and then he signs the lease. And I am rid of the toxic energy that has plagued me for the past week.
Huz to the zah.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Learning
Yeah, this experience has taught me some things about myself, for sure:
1) I'm a pushover and easily bullied.
2) I react to bullying and guilt with manipulative and passive-aggressive tendencies. It has taken me this long to a) realize that is what I'm doing and b) quell my reactions to a more dilute level.
3) I hate hate hate confrontation. Instead I now refer to it as trying to figure out how to explain my feelings in a calm way when it becomes necessary. It takes the bite out of it and I know I can do that.
4) It can be fun to meet perfect strangers. It is not OK to tell a random stranger on the street in depth about yourself in real life, but in certain situations (like future roommate situations) it is acceptable and encouraged. I need to do this more often (meet people, not find roommates...ugh). And maybe internet dating isn't so bad? I've been doing internet roommate-ing for years.
5) I feel bullied or admonished very easily. Because I hate confrontation, I'm super sensitive to any situation where I feel like I may have to defend myself.
6) You never can tell what people are really like. Great one minute, psycho the next.
7) It takes me a while to realize that I'm being bullied, and when I do realize, I get ANGRY. It takes me another while to figure out how and what to tell the people that I'm angry at my feelings.
8) I've grown up. Her BF was ranting at me yesterday and normally that's when I lose it and snap due to the emotional pressure, ruining any chance of working things out rationally--I literally go from meek weakling to tiger in an instant (never violent though--just say things in a way that I wish I hadn't). Instead, I took it in, thought it over for a day, and decided that if they say anything else to me that I perceive as bullying--absolutely anything--we'll have to meet in person to talk this over. I didn't do any texting of the feelings or writing notes, which are total cop-outs. Instead, I fully intend to sit them down and calmly and rationally explain myself. If it escalates out of that, I feel good in standing my position to not back down and to demand 2 weeks to find a good person. If I find someone before then, cool. If not, too bad.
9) It can be exhausting to meet perfect strangers. It's amazing how I can tell, within a few minutes of meeting someone (really the first few seconds), if it could work or not. Even if you don't think it will work, you still have to go through the motions of showing people the place, etc., in order to not seem like a psycho.
10) You can tell what kind of people they are by their emails and texts. I haven't been wrong yet. Voicemails, however, are trickier and often very misleading.
11) I'm too emotional to tell right now, but I've let go of being friends with my current roommate. Whatever happens will happen. I might be too annoyed/appalled by her behavior during this debacle to be friends with her after this, anyway.
I say this all calmly and from a good place, because I have two good choices for the room. Neither are exactly what I wanted, but will do. One is a couple, around 35-40 years old, who are REALLY nice and who would make my rent super-low but possibly make the house feel crowded. They are extremely cool but I worry about only having the one bathroom. And they work all the time and I really wanted someone that would hang out once in a while. The other is a guy that I found easy to talk to and seems really reliable. He's very focused on his career and seems stable. I don't want to live with a guy, but if I have to, he'd be a good choice--no creepy vibes at all (might be gay...that'd be even better!!!). Even if I didn't choose him, I'd definitely invite him to some group activities and hang out with him again. If I lived with a guy, I'd just have to hide my underwear while drying it...and get a good full coverage robe. :) And not talk about reality tv or the microdermabrasion that I'm getting soon. Any other tips to living with a non-significant other of the opposite sex?
1) I'm a pushover and easily bullied.
2) I react to bullying and guilt with manipulative and passive-aggressive tendencies. It has taken me this long to a) realize that is what I'm doing and b) quell my reactions to a more dilute level.
3) I hate hate hate confrontation. Instead I now refer to it as trying to figure out how to explain my feelings in a calm way when it becomes necessary. It takes the bite out of it and I know I can do that.
4) It can be fun to meet perfect strangers. It is not OK to tell a random stranger on the street in depth about yourself in real life, but in certain situations (like future roommate situations) it is acceptable and encouraged. I need to do this more often (meet people, not find roommates...ugh). And maybe internet dating isn't so bad? I've been doing internet roommate-ing for years.
5) I feel bullied or admonished very easily. Because I hate confrontation, I'm super sensitive to any situation where I feel like I may have to defend myself.
6) You never can tell what people are really like. Great one minute, psycho the next.
7) It takes me a while to realize that I'm being bullied, and when I do realize, I get ANGRY. It takes me another while to figure out how and what to tell the people that I'm angry at my feelings.
8) I've grown up. Her BF was ranting at me yesterday and normally that's when I lose it and snap due to the emotional pressure, ruining any chance of working things out rationally--I literally go from meek weakling to tiger in an instant (never violent though--just say things in a way that I wish I hadn't). Instead, I took it in, thought it over for a day, and decided that if they say anything else to me that I perceive as bullying--absolutely anything--we'll have to meet in person to talk this over. I didn't do any texting of the feelings or writing notes, which are total cop-outs. Instead, I fully intend to sit them down and calmly and rationally explain myself. If it escalates out of that, I feel good in standing my position to not back down and to demand 2 weeks to find a good person. If I find someone before then, cool. If not, too bad.
9) It can be exhausting to meet perfect strangers. It's amazing how I can tell, within a few minutes of meeting someone (really the first few seconds), if it could work or not. Even if you don't think it will work, you still have to go through the motions of showing people the place, etc., in order to not seem like a psycho.
10) You can tell what kind of people they are by their emails and texts. I haven't been wrong yet. Voicemails, however, are trickier and often very misleading.
11) I'm too emotional to tell right now, but I've let go of being friends with my current roommate. Whatever happens will happen. I might be too annoyed/appalled by her behavior during this debacle to be friends with her after this, anyway.
I say this all calmly and from a good place, because I have two good choices for the room. Neither are exactly what I wanted, but will do. One is a couple, around 35-40 years old, who are REALLY nice and who would make my rent super-low but possibly make the house feel crowded. They are extremely cool but I worry about only having the one bathroom. And they work all the time and I really wanted someone that would hang out once in a while. The other is a guy that I found easy to talk to and seems really reliable. He's very focused on his career and seems stable. I don't want to live with a guy, but if I have to, he'd be a good choice--no creepy vibes at all (might be gay...that'd be even better!!!). Even if I didn't choose him, I'd definitely invite him to some group activities and hang out with him again. If I lived with a guy, I'd just have to hide my underwear while drying it...and get a good full coverage robe. :) And not talk about reality tv or the microdermabrasion that I'm getting soon. Any other tips to living with a non-significant other of the opposite sex?
Can't Deal
Yeah, OK, I'm not getting any work done this week, it's very clear. Or sleep much. I can't concentrate on anything except worrying about who is texting me about the apartment, when they are coming over, if my roommate left the garage door opener for me, and what if I don't find a good tenant. I had 10 people lined up and over half have already flaked. No more texts or emails came in today--bad sign. Only two people have kept their appointments--the Oz guy and a couple. I really just want to live with a fun, nice girl about my age. That might not happen.
Things have gone missing from the apartment, and I have a feeling that I'm going to be held responsible for them in the long run. 1) roommate let her friend borrow the garage door opener, and it's missing. That's $80 right there. 2) roommate moved the mattress that was in her room and bought a new bed, and that original mattress is gone. I don't think she thinks she should be held responsible for either...which is worrying. If the mattress was in the garage and someone stole it, but it was yours and in your room originally, aren't you still responsible? And generally, aren't people responsible for things they lend to their friends?
I also am a little worried that she's forgotten about the money I've given her for stuff. $20 for artwork that never appeared, $20 for a TV that never worked, $20 for a lamp (she's taking it with her), $50 for the dryer (it's staying). She mentioned that I owed her $30 for the dryer ($50 minus $20 for the lamp she's taking) but after thinking about it, I gave her more than that by knocking some money off of the utilities bills (for the things listed above), so we should be even. Also she should get a replacement for the fire extinguisher--she caused a fire and never replaced it, despite me mentioning it a few times. That's $40. It's adding up!
Just so many headaches. and tough conversations. that I don't want to have. esp. since her bf is already pressuring me about their money situation. on the same token, NONE of this was my idea, I didn't make her decide to leave, I am only trying to do what is fair for myself. I didn't make them not save any money for this kind of situation. It's really not my concern. I realize she didn't lose the remote, it was her friend, and it's not her fault that the mattress was stolen, but...still her responsibility, right? And I don't want to pay for someone else's responsibilities.
Maybe I could mention these things to my landlord, who will take the $$ for these things out of her bond? It is just so tricky. I really like her and her friends and would love to stay friends with them all, but if I am too hard-ass I may lose them. I don't have that many friends to begin with here, so maybe I should just eat it all, small price to pay for companionship while in a foreign land...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Fair or Not Fair?
I am very stressed out.
It doesn't have to be like this.
Here's the question: who is responsible for getting someone in a vacant room in a house: a) the roommate that is staying or b) the roommate that is leaving?
In our lease, it says that the landlord needs 21 days' written notice for vacating the tenancy. Great, right?
But if the leaving roommate found someone else to take the room immediately after giving notice, what happens then? Who gets to decide who moves in?
It's a big gray area.
Here are the facts:
1) it's been 3 days since my roommate gave me notice. She initially said that she was giving me around a month's notice, she hadn't even told my landlord yet, she wanted to prepare me. Awesome sauce, sounds great. In the meantime, she puts up an ad and gets the good feeling about the Australiangirl guy. She hopes I will decide to let him move in the next day (Tuesday) so she doesn't have to pay any more rent than she has to--her lease started on a Tuesday, so she's hoping to stop paying on a Tuesday.
2) Yesterday at work, she finds out that she might be made redundant in a month's time. Awful!
3) We meet the Australian dude, I tell him I'll make a decision by Friday (4 days away) and let him know.
4) Today, roommate texts me that her friend can move in. I know him (it's a he for sure) and he can move in tomorrow. I've talked to him a few times at parties and he's a nice dude, but no one I'd normally spend a lot of time with. His ex-wife is crazy, he starts and scraps businesses very quickly, and he may be in some sort of major debt or trouble with the IRD, based on the mail we've gotten at the house (he stayed here when he was made redundant not too long ago, still gets all his (scrapped) business mail here). He also changes apartments on a whim very often. I don't want to go through this again in 3 months' time. I say no, I don't want to live with him when there may be better choices out there.
5) She texts back that the longer I wait, the more rent she has to pay. She has already moved in with the BF, so she is now paying double rent. I tell her that we'll talk about it in person.
6) She and the BF come over and the BF goes on a rant about how I blew it and I 'lost' the guy last night because I didn't make a snap decision to let the first person I saw rent the room. All I can say to him, over and over, is that I need to see people this week, and I'll make a decision on Friday or Saturday. It's an important one--I can't just let anyone move in because my current roommate has to pay double. I have to like the person that I live with. Current roommate says she thought it was up to her to find a replacement. He doesn't understand and tells me that the way I do things I'll lose every person to come through, and tries to convince me to let roommate's friend move in right away. I refuse. I actually think I'm being really fast by deciding after a week. I tell my roommate that she paid 3 weeks' bond so she has a cushion there.
7) I have to live with the person, shouldn't I get to choose? And shouldn't I get a reasonable amount of time to not only decide, but to interview people? I tried to assure my roommate that I wouldn't let this drag on for weeks, and that I'd have to pay her share of the rent if it exceeded 3 weeks' and I still didn't have a good candidate. I just don't know what my rights here are, I guess. I'm not trying to screw my roommate over but I need to LIKE my new housemate--my apartment is not that big!
What do you think? Is there protocol here?
It doesn't have to be like this.
Here's the question: who is responsible for getting someone in a vacant room in a house: a) the roommate that is staying or b) the roommate that is leaving?
In our lease, it says that the landlord needs 21 days' written notice for vacating the tenancy. Great, right?
But if the leaving roommate found someone else to take the room immediately after giving notice, what happens then? Who gets to decide who moves in?
It's a big gray area.
Here are the facts:
1) it's been 3 days since my roommate gave me notice. She initially said that she was giving me around a month's notice, she hadn't even told my landlord yet, she wanted to prepare me. Awesome sauce, sounds great. In the meantime, she puts up an ad and gets the good feeling about the Australian
2) Yesterday at work, she finds out that she might be made redundant in a month's time. Awful!
3) We meet the Australian dude, I tell him I'll make a decision by Friday (4 days away) and let him know.
4) Today, roommate texts me that her friend can move in. I know him (it's a he for sure) and he can move in tomorrow. I've talked to him a few times at parties and he's a nice dude, but no one I'd normally spend a lot of time with. His ex-wife is crazy, he starts and scraps businesses very quickly, and he may be in some sort of major debt or trouble with the IRD, based on the mail we've gotten at the house (he stayed here when he was made redundant not too long ago, still gets all his (scrapped) business mail here). He also changes apartments on a whim very often. I don't want to go through this again in 3 months' time. I say no, I don't want to live with him when there may be better choices out there.
5) She texts back that the longer I wait, the more rent she has to pay. She has already moved in with the BF, so she is now paying double rent. I tell her that we'll talk about it in person.
6) She and the BF come over and the BF goes on a rant about how I blew it and I 'lost' the guy last night because I didn't make a snap decision to let the first person I saw rent the room. All I can say to him, over and over, is that I need to see people this week, and I'll make a decision on Friday or Saturday. It's an important one--I can't just let anyone move in because my current roommate has to pay double. I have to like the person that I live with. Current roommate says she thought it was up to her to find a replacement. He doesn't understand and tells me that the way I do things I'll lose every person to come through, and tries to convince me to let roommate's friend move in right away. I refuse. I actually think I'm being really fast by deciding after a week. I tell my roommate that she paid 3 weeks' bond so she has a cushion there.
7) I have to live with the person, shouldn't I get to choose? And shouldn't I get a reasonable amount of time to not only decide, but to interview people? I tried to assure my roommate that I wouldn't let this drag on for weeks, and that I'd have to pay her share of the rent if it exceeded 3 weeks' and I still didn't have a good candidate. I just don't know what my rights here are, I guess. I'm not trying to screw my roommate over but I need to LIKE my new housemate--my apartment is not that big!
What do you think? Is there protocol here?
Adventures in Roommate Hunting--Ch 1
Chapter 1 opens with me chatting with my roommate, a few hours after I read on facebook that she's moving out. She tells me she already has an ad up, and asks me what kind of person I want to live with, to which I respond (of course) with, someone like you--chill, relaxed, fun, respectful, around 30, professional or postgrad female that maybe likes to play games and have friends over for dinner and a movie once in a while.
On Sunday, my roommate tells me that an Australian girl has contacted her, and that she 'has a great feeling' about her. Now--I have to preface this by saying that my roommate is very New Age-y and guided by her feelings and people's auras and stuff. It's neat to hear about. Oz girl can move in on Tuesday--that's the day after we meet for the first time--and my roommate really wants this to work out because she has Tuesday off and can move her stuff out at that time. Right. She wants me to meet one person only, get a 'good feeling' about them, and ignore the 10 other people that I have appointments with this week. Ah, no. It would be lovely to work like that, and for life to happen like that, but it doesn't really fit my reality and how I do things. I'm still reeling from her moving out! I hate change...
So the Aussie girl came over tonight. Guess what? She's a he. It was quite hilarious to watch from the balcony and see my roommate try to meet an australian girl on the sidewalk in front of my apartment and see her face when she realized!
I met the dude, and really, I think I can't live with a guy (that I'm not dating). He was cool, yes, and actually kind of cute, and maybe that is the problem. No WAY could I wander around in my skivvies with a male roommate, esp. a cute one, wandering around! The other problem is that his profession requires him to travel a lot so I would be in the house alone for 4-5 days at a time. Boo. No fun!
Also, I think I asked him like twelve times if he was a big partier. I have this image of Australians as being really loud, egomaniacal (but fun and hot) drunkards. I have to work on my roommate game, obviously. It's just so difficult to judge people fairly when all you know are very basic facts: nationality, how they text or email, if they can spell, maybe age and profession (they don't always comply with my request to 'tell me about yourself' over email). There is a Saudi guy that texted me about the room and everyone I tell advises me against meeting with him. I can't believe how quickly they say it, too. It feels dirty and horrible to stereotype someone enough to not be open-minded enough to meet the person and see for yourself. So I tried to set up a time for him to come over, and he called and was pretty rude on the phone, not friendly at all, just demanded to see the apartment right away. I hate to say it, but the Saudi guy is out. bash me all you want, but the combo of everyone warning me against it already had me on edge and then the rudeness broke the camel's back.
I'm meeting a dentist tomorrow and I've already pegged her as the type of person that I could live with: my New Year's resolution was to floss every day this year, for goodness' sake! We shall see...
OMG, there is a new young phd student that i work with (she is 22 and from the US) and she didn't know who Doogie Howser was. Am I really that old?!
On Sunday, my roommate tells me that an Australian girl has contacted her, and that she 'has a great feeling' about her. Now--I have to preface this by saying that my roommate is very New Age-y and guided by her feelings and people's auras and stuff. It's neat to hear about. Oz girl can move in on Tuesday--that's the day after we meet for the first time--and my roommate really wants this to work out because she has Tuesday off and can move her stuff out at that time. Right. She wants me to meet one person only, get a 'good feeling' about them, and ignore the 10 other people that I have appointments with this week. Ah, no. It would be lovely to work like that, and for life to happen like that, but it doesn't really fit my reality and how I do things. I'm still reeling from her moving out! I hate change...
So the Aussie girl came over tonight. Guess what? She's a he. It was quite hilarious to watch from the balcony and see my roommate try to meet an australian girl on the sidewalk in front of my apartment and see her face when she realized!
I met the dude, and really, I think I can't live with a guy (that I'm not dating). He was cool, yes, and actually kind of cute, and maybe that is the problem. No WAY could I wander around in my skivvies with a male roommate, esp. a cute one, wandering around! The other problem is that his profession requires him to travel a lot so I would be in the house alone for 4-5 days at a time. Boo. No fun!
Also, I think I asked him like twelve times if he was a big partier. I have this image of Australians as being really loud, egomaniacal (but fun and hot) drunkards. I have to work on my roommate game, obviously. It's just so difficult to judge people fairly when all you know are very basic facts: nationality, how they text or email, if they can spell, maybe age and profession (they don't always comply with my request to 'tell me about yourself' over email). There is a Saudi guy that texted me about the room and everyone I tell advises me against meeting with him. I can't believe how quickly they say it, too. It feels dirty and horrible to stereotype someone enough to not be open-minded enough to meet the person and see for yourself. So I tried to set up a time for him to come over, and he called and was pretty rude on the phone, not friendly at all, just demanded to see the apartment right away. I hate to say it, but the Saudi guy is out. bash me all you want, but the combo of everyone warning me against it already had me on edge and then the rudeness broke the camel's back.
I'm meeting a dentist tomorrow and I've already pegged her as the type of person that I could live with: my New Year's resolution was to floss every day this year, for goodness' sake! We shall see...
OMG, there is a new young phd student that i work with (she is 22 and from the US) and she didn't know who Doogie Howser was. Am I really that old?!
Adventures in Roommate Hunting--Prologue
The wily wonderful roommate is an elusive beast, wandering through the wilderness and concrete jungle. Only careful words will draw them near, and even then, the slightest flaw in circumstances can scare them away, never to be seen again.
Today Chapter One in the Roommate Hunting saga took place. Actually, there is a prologue to the story:
I put up my ad on Saturday. On Sunday, a guy texted me under the guise of looking for a roommate in response to the ad I have up. I'd prefer not to live with a dude, but if the personalities fit, I could be down with it, so I'm also accepting interviews with a few guys. We set a time, and then he came back with, 'how negotiable is the garage rent?' I said, Very, for the right candidate, and we could work something out, like he does more cleaning or always takes out the garbage or something. He came back with an offer to massage me weekly, phrased very creepily (how is that ever NOT phrased creepily from a stranger, via text?!). I told him I don't go for massages really and he just kept texting back that I didn't have to go anywhere--we'd do it in the privacy of our apartment. Then I just said forget it, I've got plenty of other people who are willing to pay full price (not a lie). He texted back lots of winks and told me to 'think about it.' I'm still getting texts...
Oy.
Today Chapter One in the Roommate Hunting saga took place. Actually, there is a prologue to the story:
I put up my ad on Saturday. On Sunday, a guy texted me under the guise of looking for a roommate in response to the ad I have up. I'd prefer not to live with a dude, but if the personalities fit, I could be down with it, so I'm also accepting interviews with a few guys. We set a time, and then he came back with, 'how negotiable is the garage rent?' I said, Very, for the right candidate, and we could work something out, like he does more cleaning or always takes out the garbage or something. He came back with an offer to massage me weekly, phrased very creepily (how is that ever NOT phrased creepily from a stranger, via text?!). I told him I don't go for massages really and he just kept texting back that I didn't have to go anywhere--we'd do it in the privacy of our apartment. Then I just said forget it, I've got plenty of other people who are willing to pay full price (not a lie). He texted back lots of winks and told me to 'think about it.' I'm still getting texts...
Oy.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Retail Therapy
Yeah...I just got dumped by my roommate, I'm bummed by some other personal things going on and I'm extremely homesick. AND just received a great bonus.
Those elements, together, equal emotional spending. I need cheering up, badly! I can't believe how much my emotional state depends on other people's actions sometimes.
Actually, I'm not great at spending money. I always falter when it comes time to hit the purchase or confirm button, so I'll probably just shop online and end up saving the money. Whatever makes me feel better, at this point...
Things to look forward to: a late thanksgiving dinner tomorrow and a dance showcase tomorrow night. Should be very interesting and yummy! I'm glad my weekend is full and busy--less time to wallow.
The Good and The Bad
The Great, actually: I got a letter from my company informing me that they're giving me a Christmas bonus of 4% of my salary--enough to cover 2/3 of a trip home, the rest could be covered by normal monthly excess. A Christmas miracle! Ecstatic, I went out with two friends to dinner and dancing to celebrate this fact, that my friend is staying to get her PhD here, and that my other friend had his birthday yesterday. I spent ~$100 tonight, all told, which is fine--my bonus could pay for that 20 times over.
The Bad: I got home tonight, excited to buy tickets home, and checked facebook (as you do). My roommate sent me a message (couldn't find me this evening) to tell me she is moving in with her boyfriend. So...I have to spend the next few weeks looking for a new flatmate instead of going home. I wouldn't feel comfortable going home before finding a new person, because I can't afford the whole apartment by myself. I kind of knew this was coming (uh, they got a dog together, for heaven's sake!), but was really hoping she'd wait until the holidays were over!
Ah well. I am a little scared--last time I had to find a new flatmate, I didn't have many responses. Plus, it was exhausting and I almost let some awful people move in because I was so tired of the process and wasn't getting better people. Even with all the tiny petty things I complained about, I definitely got lucky to find my current roommate. And who moves apartments just before Christmas?
So, to sum up: Yay! and ARGH.
The Bad: I got home tonight, excited to buy tickets home, and checked facebook (as you do). My roommate sent me a message (couldn't find me this evening) to tell me she is moving in with her boyfriend. So...I have to spend the next few weeks looking for a new flatmate instead of going home. I wouldn't feel comfortable going home before finding a new person, because I can't afford the whole apartment by myself. I kind of knew this was coming (uh, they got a dog together, for heaven's sake!), but was really hoping she'd wait until the holidays were over!
Ah well. I am a little scared--last time I had to find a new flatmate, I didn't have many responses. Plus, it was exhausting and I almost let some awful people move in because I was so tired of the process and wasn't getting better people. Even with all the tiny petty things I complained about, I definitely got lucky to find my current roommate. And who moves apartments just before Christmas?
So, to sum up: Yay! and ARGH.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Homesick
I had an awesome day at work today--basically both of my bosses have confirmed that they want me to stay beyond my contract end in August 2011, maybe even get rid of the contract nonsense altogether and make me a permanent staff member. So why do I feel a little bit like crying?
The happier I get in my job, the more miserable I get about being so far away from my family.
I just watched the Glee Christmas episode...and I actually missed America's obsession with the holidays. I want/need to go home for Christmas. I'm sad to be so far away from my family on a normal day, but it's really hard to spend the holidays so far away from them. My first Christmas away from home last year was weird and more than a little bit miserable and lonely. I'm looking at tickets now. $2800 NZD to go home for a week and a half. The only things stopping me are stupid yet very logical arguments: I didn't budget for this, and I am low on time off (I am taking 3 weeks off in Feb to go to Australia). Can I do it? Should I?
The happier I get in my job, the more miserable I get about being so far away from my family.
I just watched the Glee Christmas episode...and I actually missed America's obsession with the holidays. I want/need to go home for Christmas. I'm sad to be so far away from my family on a normal day, but it's really hard to spend the holidays so far away from them. My first Christmas away from home last year was weird and more than a little bit miserable and lonely. I'm looking at tickets now. $2800 NZD to go home for a week and a half. The only things stopping me are stupid yet very logical arguments: I didn't budget for this, and I am low on time off (I am taking 3 weeks off in Feb to go to Australia). Can I do it? Should I?
Reverberating Still
December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)
Again, I'm a little unsure of what this question means. And what it means that I don't understand these questions. I did some new stuff this year. Is that what they mean? Um. cultivate...wonder. Still unsure of how to answer that. I went to new places, put myself out there a few times... Ugh, OK. I got nothin'.
December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)
See Prompt 3, Moment. Old love. Because it would make me a bad person--someone I couldn't respect--if I held onto it for any longer. Because it caused me to live in the past. Because it's holding me back from allowing myself to look for someone else that could make me happy.
December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)
I made a scarf last year for kicks, to learn how to knit. It was entertaining for a moment, but I didn't love it nor do I really want to do it again. I kind of wanted to prove to myself that I could be crafty if I really wanted to be, and I accomplished that goal. My mom, who's been knitting for decades, was impressed by my first attempt. I used the softest yarn I could find, but it was still too scratchy for my neck, so I gave it to my sister. I want to make several gifts for my family and friends--write and send a hand-written note to a good friend, print a picture for another friend, and compile a bunch of pics of my life for my family--they were asking for this--and possibly make a calendar using my photos from this year. These are things I think about doing constantly, but don't do. Not for lack of time--I have plenty of that--but mostly out of lack of motivation. For my job, I made several posters and I'm designing a museum display (OMG, I'm so excited about this!).
Again, I'm a little unsure of what this question means. And what it means that I don't understand these questions. I did some new stuff this year. Is that what they mean? Um. cultivate...wonder. Still unsure of how to answer that. I went to new places, put myself out there a few times... Ugh, OK. I got nothin'.
December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)
See Prompt 3, Moment. Old love. Because it would make me a bad person--someone I couldn't respect--if I held onto it for any longer. Because it caused me to live in the past. Because it's holding me back from allowing myself to look for someone else that could make me happy.
December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)
I made a scarf last year for kicks, to learn how to knit. It was entertaining for a moment, but I didn't love it nor do I really want to do it again. I kind of wanted to prove to myself that I could be crafty if I really wanted to be, and I accomplished that goal. My mom, who's been knitting for decades, was impressed by my first attempt. I used the softest yarn I could find, but it was still too scratchy for my neck, so I gave it to my sister. I want to make several gifts for my family and friends--write and send a hand-written note to a good friend, print a picture for another friend, and compile a bunch of pics of my life for my family--they were asking for this--and possibly make a calendar using my photos from this year. These are things I think about doing constantly, but don't do. Not for lack of time--I have plenty of that--but mostly out of lack of motivation. For my job, I made several posters and I'm designing a museum display (OMG, I'm so excited about this!).
Monday, December 06, 2010
Reverberating
The Reverb10 bandwagon: I'm jumping on it.
Day 1. One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)
Content. That's my 2010 word. It really does fit. Not quite ecstatically happy, just sort of fulfilled and satisfied. When I look back on this year, that's what I feel, particularly because I think of my 1.5 month vacation in Feb-Mar with good friends, and my 2 month vacation in August-Sept., when I think of 2010. Those vacations, particularly the latter, really made my year stand out. Work had its ups and downs, is what I spend most of my time and energy and mental focus on, is as gratifying and fulfilling as work can be, but apparently it isn't what I look back on and remember when I look back on in my time here on Earth.
My 2011 words (no way to shorten this): Fail better. This implies that I DO MORE, challenge myself more, in order to get better at things, and doesn't push the notion that I have to succeed at these things, just...try hard. I put too much pressure on myself to do everything perfectly, to the point where sometimes I just don't try things because I'm afraid of failing. I've missed too many opportunities because of that fear. It is that fear that holds me back from being more than content, from being happy. Just in the last 3 days, I've turned down an amazing invitation to an extremely cheap getaway weekend around awesome sites ($50 for three days' accommodation and transportation) and another invite to a friends' new house to meet his new roommates and possibly make new friends. Why do I do this in lieu of hanging out at home alone watching Hellcats? I don't know. But it's time to stop.
Day 2. Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)
I...don't really know what this one means. I don't actively care about contributing to my writing, unless you mean writing in my job. I tend to procrastinate that because I feel like I have to be perfect at it...bringing us full circle back to Day 1. :)
Day 3. Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)
Ahhh. Tricky. There were a few moments this year where I wasn't numbing myself to life and my emotions anymore and allowed myself to feel whatever I was feeling 100%. Mostly during my 2 month vacation, particularly during my road trip when I was seeing new things every day. Moments where I was on the open road with an easy-going friend, destination chosen at random each day, just a feeling of being really free, taking whatever came at me, and being relaxed. I also felt very alive, unfortunately, when I had my heart broken this year (old wound). There was a moment where I knew I had no choice but to move on and let go of a hope that I had been holding onto for 6 years a really really long time, and I kind of broke down crying in a rental car by myself as that reality hit me. I search to fill that hole constantly, and that's probably why I end up sitting at home watching Hellcats or The Guild on repeat.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Sighs of Relief
Man. I don't know how high-pressured executives do it. I have just had the busiest, most stressful 2 months of my career, culminating in two high profile presentations of my work (one in poster form, another in a talk to ~400 expert scientists) this past week. I adore my job--can't say that enough!--but it is SO NICE to not be busy. I should clarify that--I'm always busy--but I now have the freedom to choose what I work on & when I work on it, as my urgent deadlines have passed. I don't have any deadlines right now, and that feels amazing. What I do have are several fantastic projects to work on, all in various stages of completion, all which will look pretty awesome on my resume.
Back to my talk: I worked on that stupid powerpoint for so many days that I lost count of them. Seriously, it was SO MUCH WORK. I started the talk back in August...and I came away from it feeling like I could have done more, better. Most of my colleagues at my company and especially my boss put together talks in the two days before their presentations. How on Earth do they do that?! Not only to practice what they want to say, but to put together all of the slides with all the animation, etc. that goes into a powerpoint talk? I only had 17 slides for a 20 minute talk, and I felt like I was spending at least a whole work day on each, getting the right order of photos to show up, graphics, choosing the correct photo for the subject matter, formatting the words and all the while trying to make it look and feel pretty and smooth and follow the natural progression of a talk.
I gave a practice presentation to my company last week, and I thought it went very well, considering that I didn't have the talk finished nor had I practiced what I wanted to say from start to finish. I was extremely confident at that presentation, for some reason--must have been that I was familiar with my coworkers and knew they weren't there to rip me into shreds. I got a lot of feedback from my colleagues, but I had fieldwork all of last week, so didn't get any time (other than the practice presentation) to work on it using their suggestions until this past Sunday (the talk was on Tuesday). Sheesh. Sunday and Monday nights were spent going over the talk a few times, and I'd spent so much time with the material that I felt so. confident. about it. I walked in, feeling like I was going to own it. And then I stood up when it was my turn and opened my mouth.
I tripped over my words, forgot what was coming next, read off of the slides, talked extremely slowly, left long pauses in between words while I was panicking trying to figure out what to say, spoke down to the monitor, said 'um' a lot, everything you're not supposed to do! I had a microphone so my very quiet voice wasn't a factor, but I am sure my voice was monotone because I was struggling to keep it together. In short, I'm disappointed in myself. The good thing is, I must be harder on myself than anyone else, or everyone must be lying to me, because my boss was pleased and said it was perfect, and my good friend (of course) said she couldn't tell I was nervous and said I sounded fine. We also got a collaborator out of the talk for our plans to publish--and the collaborator is quite well known in the field. So all is well, except I need to either be less hard on myself or practice a hell of a lot more so I'm not this disappointed next time.
The poster session was great--I'm pretty good at chatting with random people who come up to me wanting to talk science. :)
The conference in general was a success, I think. There are several collaborations that came out of it for my work, it was great to touch base with others in my field whom I haven't seen in a while, and on top of all of that, I think I was able to make a few more friends here in Auckland & in NZ.
Tomorrow I take a day off (kinda). I'm working from home to do a few things that need to be done but mostly taking care of roommate's dog for the day! Then I'm going to see the new Harry Potter with a few people. So excited to finally have free time (& not feel guilty taking it).
Back to my talk: I worked on that stupid powerpoint for so many days that I lost count of them. Seriously, it was SO MUCH WORK. I started the talk back in August...and I came away from it feeling like I could have done more, better. Most of my colleagues at my company and especially my boss put together talks in the two days before their presentations. How on Earth do they do that?! Not only to practice what they want to say, but to put together all of the slides with all the animation, etc. that goes into a powerpoint talk? I only had 17 slides for a 20 minute talk, and I felt like I was spending at least a whole work day on each, getting the right order of photos to show up, graphics, choosing the correct photo for the subject matter, formatting the words and all the while trying to make it look and feel pretty and smooth and follow the natural progression of a talk.
I gave a practice presentation to my company last week, and I thought it went very well, considering that I didn't have the talk finished nor had I practiced what I wanted to say from start to finish. I was extremely confident at that presentation, for some reason--must have been that I was familiar with my coworkers and knew they weren't there to rip me into shreds. I got a lot of feedback from my colleagues, but I had fieldwork all of last week, so didn't get any time (other than the practice presentation) to work on it using their suggestions until this past Sunday (the talk was on Tuesday). Sheesh. Sunday and Monday nights were spent going over the talk a few times, and I'd spent so much time with the material that I felt so. confident. about it. I walked in, feeling like I was going to own it. And then I stood up when it was my turn and opened my mouth.
I tripped over my words, forgot what was coming next, read off of the slides, talked extremely slowly, left long pauses in between words while I was panicking trying to figure out what to say, spoke down to the monitor, said 'um' a lot, everything you're not supposed to do! I had a microphone so my very quiet voice wasn't a factor, but I am sure my voice was monotone because I was struggling to keep it together. In short, I'm disappointed in myself. The good thing is, I must be harder on myself than anyone else, or everyone must be lying to me, because my boss was pleased and said it was perfect, and my good friend (of course) said she couldn't tell I was nervous and said I sounded fine. We also got a collaborator out of the talk for our plans to publish--and the collaborator is quite well known in the field. So all is well, except I need to either be less hard on myself or practice a hell of a lot more so I'm not this disappointed next time.
The poster session was great--I'm pretty good at chatting with random people who come up to me wanting to talk science. :)
The conference in general was a success, I think. There are several collaborations that came out of it for my work, it was great to touch base with others in my field whom I haven't seen in a while, and on top of all of that, I think I was able to make a few more friends here in Auckland & in NZ.
Tomorrow I take a day off (kinda). I'm working from home to do a few things that need to be done but mostly taking care of roommate's dog for the day! Then I'm going to see the new Harry Potter with a few people. So excited to finally have free time (& not feel guilty taking it).
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