And so it goes. This is why I save up so much in lean times.
Since returning from the US in early October, I've been socializing like crazy. Part of it is that I have been spending more time (and consequently, money) getting to know a guy I've been after for a really long time (who finally (!), FINALLY asked me to spend one-on-one time with him [and no, I'm not calling it a date because I'm honestly not sure what that was]. That only took 7 months...:) ).
My spending for October was likewise over my income, and not by a little bit. And it is definitely that way for November, as well. The problem is that it is a 3 rent check month, which means not only am I spending more on non-essentials, but my essential costs have gone up as well. Grrr.
Luckily I have saved up a 'Slush Fund' for just this kind of thing. It's at about $1,400 now.
I am hoping that December will offer some reprieve, as work will pay for a week of food, plus I'll be home for all of the rest of the month. However, I have major shopping plans for the US (as usual). Plus I have big travel plans for New Year's Eve, which includes a big night out. I'm not sure I'm paying for it or not--my friend has invited me to stay with her family and go along with what they are doing, which involves a limo and major party at a hotel or something with unlimited drinks. I KNOW that those are extremely costly. My friend seems to think that her parents are paying for everything, but I've never met them and don't want to come across as a cheapskate. Honestly, too, her parents scare me because they are all about image and think all women should be married and have babies by like the age of 23. I'm sure they think I'm a terrible influence on their daughter (who is 27) as I am single and childless at 35, so I need to pony up and take every precaution so that they don't ban their daughter, who is my best friend here, from ever seeing me again.
On the other hand, I'll be back in Southern California and visiting some of my favourite people, as my best friend in NZ is actually from the place that I moved here from! :) I can't wait!!
The bad part of it is that if I were still at 100% salary, I'd be fine. It's just that at 80%, I can't afford to have this much fun. I have to believe that lean times are coming again soon, so I should stockpile on the fun while it lasts...while also keeping an eye on my bottom line.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
On Regret and Attitude
This past week has been a bit insane. First off, with a few more memorials for my friend (he was quite popular. :)) I signed a memory book to be sent to his parents, and that brought up way more emotion than I ever expected. It was a nice way to say a final good-bye, though...all the entries were written like individual letters to our deceased friend. I hope his family is comforted by just how much he was loved here in NZ (they live overseas and visited for the funeral).
His death has sparked a new resolve that was already growing inside of me.
By November 10th, I'd spent over $100 in alcohol alone. It has been a crazy social time since getting back from my US trip. So much so, that I don't want to leave to go home in early December. Things are just getting good.
Perhaps it is because I am slowly changing my attitude towards New Zealand. While of course I love every second of being in the US when I visit, during my last trip I started to wonder if the reality of living there again could ever live up to my expectations. Would I actually find the perfect job in my preferred city and make oodles of money and have a fabulous townhouse with an awesome dog, great roommates, and plenty of dating options? A fantastic social life with plenty of like-minded friends nearly instantly? Visit my family tons and have a great time even though I'd probably be dragged into some drama? Could the path to the perfect life really be as easy as moving home once I find a job?
Also, gone would be the mystique of being an ex-pat. I wouldn't be special anymore. Gone are long vacations, empty beaches, uncomplicated politics.
And just like that I realized that I've been holding on to this vision for so long, that I've forgotten to live when I'm in New Zealand. Sure, I travel. Sure, I have a ton of fun. And sure, things are OK here. But I have always held NZ at arm's length, enjoying it but afraid to get too close. It would feel like I'm betraying my perfect US vision, I suppose.
That is not a good way to live--waiting until the next vacation to tide over my fill of life. Life isn't a dress rehearsal. It is happening NOW. I'm getting older. I have to start embracing the now, as corny as that sounds. Somehow I started thinking about a permanent NZ scenario...what if I did a PhD? My work life is definitely here--all my contacts and I am pretty sure if I tried that the Uni would find a place for me. What if I just stopped fighting so hard what has come to feel inevitable?
And I have been--fighting it. Since my first day here, I've thought of NZ as a temporary stop. Every time I run into a problem, I think about how much more awesome it is in the States for me. While that may be true, it really isn't fair. I'm only hurting myself and denying NZ my participation in their society. I'm missing out on so much joy by comparing and contrasting. THIS (NZ) is what I've been given. THIS is what I need to adjust my expectations for. THIS is my life now.
Life is so short. I need to make sure I don't regret any of it.
His death has sparked a new resolve that was already growing inside of me.
By November 10th, I'd spent over $100 in alcohol alone. It has been a crazy social time since getting back from my US trip. So much so, that I don't want to leave to go home in early December. Things are just getting good.
Perhaps it is because I am slowly changing my attitude towards New Zealand. While of course I love every second of being in the US when I visit, during my last trip I started to wonder if the reality of living there again could ever live up to my expectations. Would I actually find the perfect job in my preferred city and make oodles of money and have a fabulous townhouse with an awesome dog, great roommates, and plenty of dating options? A fantastic social life with plenty of like-minded friends nearly instantly? Visit my family tons and have a great time even though I'd probably be dragged into some drama? Could the path to the perfect life really be as easy as moving home once I find a job?
Also, gone would be the mystique of being an ex-pat. I wouldn't be special anymore. Gone are long vacations, empty beaches, uncomplicated politics.
And just like that I realized that I've been holding on to this vision for so long, that I've forgotten to live when I'm in New Zealand. Sure, I travel. Sure, I have a ton of fun. And sure, things are OK here. But I have always held NZ at arm's length, enjoying it but afraid to get too close. It would feel like I'm betraying my perfect US vision, I suppose.
That is not a good way to live--waiting until the next vacation to tide over my fill of life. Life isn't a dress rehearsal. It is happening NOW. I'm getting older. I have to start embracing the now, as corny as that sounds. Somehow I started thinking about a permanent NZ scenario...what if I did a PhD? My work life is definitely here--all my contacts and I am pretty sure if I tried that the Uni would find a place for me. What if I just stopped fighting so hard what has come to feel inevitable?
And I have been--fighting it. Since my first day here, I've thought of NZ as a temporary stop. Every time I run into a problem, I think about how much more awesome it is in the States for me. While that may be true, it really isn't fair. I'm only hurting myself and denying NZ my participation in their society. I'm missing out on so much joy by comparing and contrasting. THIS (NZ) is what I've been given. THIS is what I need to adjust my expectations for. THIS is my life now.
Life is so short. I need to make sure I don't regret any of it.
Friday, November 08, 2013
Grief.
Recently I woke to find a text from a friend saying to let her know if I needed anything and that she was sorry about the sad news. I FREAKED OUT, thinking that maybe my sister posted something about my dad on facebook and I had lost him.
That isn't true, but the reality wasn't good, etither. After I called my family and was reassured that they were OK, I called her back. One of my very good friends had died tragically, horribly, agonizingly, in a terrible accident. So young, so amazing, and he's just...suddenly...gone. We had just spoken two days before. I should have made more time for him. I should have put off work and talked to him longer. I wish I could have done something or said something that would have prevented his death. If only.
I've never had to deal with anything like this before. A kid in my middle school died, but I barely knew him. That was horrible enough. This is...unbearable. I was OK for about two hours after the news--shock, I guess--and then the newspapers picked up the story and released his name. Something about seeing it in print made me lose it.
I'm OK one minute, a total wreck the next. I can't believe the world doesn't have him in it.
The entire community that we're in is shell-shocked, at a loss, heartbroken, sad. He touched so many lives. It is kind of amazing to see the response from so many people. He was special to everyone who met him. Droves and droves, hundreds of people have posted on facebook, twitter, and shown up to memorials, donated.
He gave everything he had. I never once, not in the 3 years I knew him, saw him get annoyed or angry or lose his patience or lose the smile off of his face. Whenever I needed anything, big or small, he dropped whatever he was doing and gave me every ounce of himself and anything he had to help me. He was the most generous, kind, caring person--and also at the same time one of the most HILARIOUS and social and friendly--that I have ever known.
During our first meeting, after a mutual friend introduced us, I casually mentioned that I really ought to learn how to drive manual transmission. He immediately offered to teach me. Surprisingly to me, I immediately accepted. He was the only person I have ever trusted to teach me--I didn't even let XBF try to teach me when he offered. To try something new and scary in front of someone is hard for me, because I know that they will see me fail, act neurotic, and get frustrated as I try to get things perfect. But with him, I trusted him instantly and instinctively upon meeting him. Somehow, I knew that he would not lose his patience, think of me differently if I didn't get it right away, or judge me for failing. I knew that he would reassure me when I got scared to try. I was correct. Without even knowing me, and during the first time we ever spent one-on-one time together, he generously spent over 3 hours teaching me manual transmission and hill starts and backing up on a hill, and encouraged me when he could tell I was losing confidence. The only reason that I tried driving with other people in the car during that trip was because he was there, and I knew he'd make sure I was OK. During that lesson with people in the car, he was my biggest cheerleader, and pushed me past the point that I had thought I could go. Of course, that last practice session ended when I nearly ran off the road, but he never acted scared, said anything mocking, or laughed at me--even afterward, just said I'd done a great job and that he was proud of me for trying even when he knew I was scared. I haven't practiced since and still can't drive manual, but the fact that I even tried is a testament to how awesome he was, and his supportive influence and nature.
This coming week will involve many memorials and a funeral, but the sadness will linger for a long time. Rest in peace, my friend. You take with you the best of us.
That isn't true, but the reality wasn't good, etither. After I called my family and was reassured that they were OK, I called her back. One of my very good friends had died tragically, horribly, agonizingly, in a terrible accident. So young, so amazing, and he's just...suddenly...gone. We had just spoken two days before. I should have made more time for him. I should have put off work and talked to him longer. I wish I could have done something or said something that would have prevented his death. If only.
I've never had to deal with anything like this before. A kid in my middle school died, but I barely knew him. That was horrible enough. This is...unbearable. I was OK for about two hours after the news--shock, I guess--and then the newspapers picked up the story and released his name. Something about seeing it in print made me lose it.
I'm OK one minute, a total wreck the next. I can't believe the world doesn't have him in it.
The entire community that we're in is shell-shocked, at a loss, heartbroken, sad. He touched so many lives. It is kind of amazing to see the response from so many people. He was special to everyone who met him. Droves and droves, hundreds of people have posted on facebook, twitter, and shown up to memorials, donated.
He gave everything he had. I never once, not in the 3 years I knew him, saw him get annoyed or angry or lose his patience or lose the smile off of his face. Whenever I needed anything, big or small, he dropped whatever he was doing and gave me every ounce of himself and anything he had to help me. He was the most generous, kind, caring person--and also at the same time one of the most HILARIOUS and social and friendly--that I have ever known.
During our first meeting, after a mutual friend introduced us, I casually mentioned that I really ought to learn how to drive manual transmission. He immediately offered to teach me. Surprisingly to me, I immediately accepted. He was the only person I have ever trusted to teach me--I didn't even let XBF try to teach me when he offered. To try something new and scary in front of someone is hard for me, because I know that they will see me fail, act neurotic, and get frustrated as I try to get things perfect. But with him, I trusted him instantly and instinctively upon meeting him. Somehow, I knew that he would not lose his patience, think of me differently if I didn't get it right away, or judge me for failing. I knew that he would reassure me when I got scared to try. I was correct. Without even knowing me, and during the first time we ever spent one-on-one time together, he generously spent over 3 hours teaching me manual transmission and hill starts and backing up on a hill, and encouraged me when he could tell I was losing confidence. The only reason that I tried driving with other people in the car during that trip was because he was there, and I knew he'd make sure I was OK. During that lesson with people in the car, he was my biggest cheerleader, and pushed me past the point that I had thought I could go. Of course, that last practice session ended when I nearly ran off the road, but he never acted scared, said anything mocking, or laughed at me--even afterward, just said I'd done a great job and that he was proud of me for trying even when he knew I was scared. I haven't practiced since and still can't drive manual, but the fact that I even tried is a testament to how awesome he was, and his supportive influence and nature.
This coming week will involve many memorials and a funeral, but the sadness will linger for a long time. Rest in peace, my friend. You take with you the best of us.
Monday, November 04, 2013
October
Whew. October was a hell of a month. I am sort of glad to see the backside of it, and move on to happier, stabler times (one can hope).
Landlord decided to pull a fast one on us and start charging for water. She let us know this AFTER my new roommate had moved in. Roommate wouldn't have moved in if she had known about the extra expense.
Income: 2838.04
Leftover: $8.93
Groceries are over. Big surprise...
Landlord decided to pull a fast one on us and start charging for water. She let us know this AFTER my new roommate had moved in. Roommate wouldn't have moved in if she had known about the extra expense.
| Oct 2013 Budget | ||
| Category | Spent | Budgeted Amount |
| Rent | $840.00 | $840.00 |
| Groceries | $526.20 | $400.00 |
| Internet | $67.05 | $60.00 |
| Electricity | $65.50 | $75.00 |
| Eating Out | $104.90 | $125.00 |
| Charity | $50.00 | $25.00 |
| Cell phone | $20.00 | $50.00 |
| Medical | $0.00 | $100.00 |
| Misc | $555.46 | $275.00 |
| Savings | $600.00 | $600.00 |
| Total | $2,829.11 | $2,550.00 |
Leftover: $8.93
Groceries are over. Big surprise...
Internet is over. I'm not exactly sure why...I've reduced it down to $85/mo so it should be much lower soon. Still have 80 GB though! :)
Electricity is going down due to it being summer.
Eating out is OK. I had dinner and lunches and stuff with some cool new people and old friends too.
I spent $50 on a donation for a friend running a marathon. Great cause.
$20 topup for my cell phone.
No medical for the first time in a while!
Misc: oops. WAY WAY over.
| MISC | |
| alcohol | $ 101.00 |
| entertainment | $ 22.99 |
| exercise | $ 76.00 |
| fees | $ 140.70 |
| gifts | $ - |
| goods and wants | $ 79.97 |
| transportation | $ 69.80 |
| travel | $ - |
Alcohol is insane due to those new friends I made. Also because I was mourning a friend's death and that involved a ton of social events in which we all drank in our friend's honour.
Entertainment: campground fee and a discounted movie ticket to use later.
Excercise: a grabone voucher to use later
Fees: Ouch. There were a ton of bank fees for setting up autopayments and the like, plus I had to add money to my print account at work, but the real shocker is the fact that I paid for an expensive garage door opener when I could have just stopped at getting the batteries replaced in the old one...stupid tax. D'oh.
No gifts.
Goods and wants: maid service, a few necklaces, a new bathroom basket to hold my countertop stuff, a copy of Windows 2013 Office Suite, costume for halloween, nailpolish remover, and probably something else...
Transportation: gas money for Labour Day weekend festivities and 3 trips in the cityhop car and an airbus ticket and a bus ride to Mt Eden.
Friday, November 01, 2013
Shooting Myself In the Foot...
I've done two stupid things recently, in trying to be responsible and a good person. They both ended costing me money. Kind of like getting that stranger a job at my company, who later fired me and kept the stranger (who is now a friend). Silly me.
First, I had to get a new roommate and asked my landlord what to put in the ad. One key data point was rent--was it staying the same? I needed to know for the ad--didn't want to misrepresent the room!
This must have reminded her that she hadn't increased the rent in the 5 years that I've lived here. After picking out a roommate, and that person moving in, my landlord still hadn't sent the lease over (as a matter of fact, it STILL hasn't arrived!) so we asked for it again. Landlord responded by saying that we were now responsible for paying for our water bill at ~$300/year each. Not horrible--I can afford it.
But my poor new roommate was already at her max budget for the room, and has said that she is considering moving out. It isn't like she signed a lease, after all. It is such a shame because I HATE looking for new roommates, and she is the best I've had here in NZ. The BEST--so kind, clean, nice, open, responsible, friendly...the perfect roommate.
I screwed myself over.
Second, I hadn't received a bill for my disability and life insurances, despite previous calls to them saying that it was due in July. I called them and asked and they said all was good til July 2014. Really? I said. I haven't paid this year at all--no bill. I had to beg them to double check. I didn't want my insurances running out if something happened, after all. They had to call me back after checking their system. Apparently there is a bug with annual payments (most people pay fortnightly or quarterly) in their system that I caught. If I hadn't have asked, they would have never known that I didn't pay this year. So now I owe nearly $300 to continue the insurances til March 2014.
Oh well. At least I can sleep well at night.
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