August goals

I'll keep working on my two main goals for 2017:

1. Wake up/go to bed earlier. I use StayFocusd to restrict late night internet time. It works.
2. Incorporate more movement into my days. I use break software to help with this. I've also pledged to walk at least 21 min/day (science says this helps increase well-being and boost moods, something I desperately need right now. It also has a ton of other health and community benefits).
July Microresolution: Attend 1 workout class a week. (Walking to work/shopping/chores/errands takes care of the walking 21 minutes/day.)


Other on-going goals/projects for August:

1. Keep up with once a week cooking. Week 1: chicken fried rice for dinners, squash soup for lunch; Week 2: turkey meatloaf w/ glaze; homemade mashed potatoes; southern green beans; lunch is thai yellow curry OR pineapple fried rice OR pad see ew. Thai satay, curry puff, spring roll Week 3: Creamy pesto chicken and veg pasta Week 4:
2. Create ancestry book for both sides of my family.
3. Product safety overhaul: review toiletry products and find safe replacements.
4. Update Master Document and replace this online.
5. Update my CV, LinkedIn, Twitter, blog, staff page, and Researchgate profiles for work. Strip my Researchgate profile but keep account.
6. Send url of my personal research page to academic friends for review and tips.
7. Make weekly goals.
8. Review monthly and yearly and lifetime goals. 
9. Go to a social event where I know no one.
10.  Consolidate and rank/prioritize a list of meetups that look interesting and fun things to do with friends.
11. Think about a Destination Christmas, close to NZ. Where to go? And who would come with me?
12. Monthly PhD treat: ski trip.
13. Go to therapy appointment.
14. Finalise birthday ski trip in August. Get paid by 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 people. Secure rides to/down. Save up $$ for ski lift and gear rental. Start packing.
15. Renew passport. See: https://nz.usembassy.gov/u-s-citizen-services/how-to-renew-a-passport/.

 

Investments on the Side

I'm getting into using a few tricks to try to reach my financial goals.


First up, I used Kiva to reach my minimum spend on a new credit card, to earn enough air points for a return trip from NZ to the US to visit my family. I did a practice run this time, loaning out $250 to Kiva through my credit card. The charge counted towards my minimum spend, and I earned my 80K airmiles. Woot! $100 of the $250 has already been paid back and is being returned to my bank account now. It is an easy and quick way to reach the minimum spend. There are a few downsides: it does require you to have liquidity and you obviously lose bank interest for the months that the money is loaned out.

My second issue is more complicated.

I am essentially not allowed to invest money while just working in New Zealand. The rules around investing when it comes to US tax obligations are extremely complicated. To even be clear about what I would have to do come US tax time, I would have to consult an agent who specialises in US-NZ tax law, and just that meeting would cost $500. Worst case scenario, I would have to break down every single stock that I invest in (very very difficult if I stick with my strategy of investing in index funds!) to figure out losses/gains for the year, and then pay taxes on them even if I've already paid in NZ. It would add like 50 more forms to my already complex abroad US tax return. I honestly just don't have the time or money to figure it out.

The reason why this is so horrible? I am also not allowed to invest in IRAs or any retirement vehicles in the US, because I haven't earned US dollars.

So basically I'm up a tree. All my earnings have to be saved in cash, in CDs and savings accounts here in NZ.

My one option is to invest money in a taxable investment account in the US. But that is pretty bad news, too.

Firstly, I have to convert it to USD, which strips away some of the money.

Secondly, my US investments have been at a standstill for the past 9 years--nearly every penny I have invested is intact but has had ZERO growth. I have compared my portfolio to others' and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong--I've got all index funds at Vanguard that are well-regarded and recommended by bogleheads and PF bloggers. I just can't figure it out, but I have to keep faith that it is a long-term gamble, not short-term.

So I have been saving in NZD, in CD's and high interest rate savings accounts. I've gambled a very small amount of money in Bonus Bonds and the NZ Heart Association Lottery. They haven't paid off at all, but a little hope is worth the lost interest and extra contributions to charity.

I have over $60K in cash savings now, and I have been looking for other ways to invest that are not total gambles like the latter. Some investments.

And they have to be simple enough that I can figure out the exact gains to report for my US tax returns.

Enter in peer to peer lending. Apparently it is quite easy, tax-wise--it counts as normal income as far as US tax returns go, and the NZ taxes are taken right out immediately. In the US, you can even invest Roth IRA funds and the returns would be tax free (but this isn't offered through Vanguard and fees are high, so it's only worth the hassle of transferring $$ over to a new company if I were investing A LOT).

Since the bulk of my savings is here in NZ with me, I thought I'd start dabbling in it in NZ first. I've signed up to a company and transferred their minimum amount to start playing with. I'll see how that goes for the next few months to a year, and then, if I still like it, I'll aim to invest 5% of my savings into P2P loans, to see how it goes and if I am comfortable with it. That is about $3K. It is a lot of money, but I am OK with risking it to see how this goes. Eventually, I want to be fully diversified. That will take roughly $25,000, but I plan on using a lot of returns and reinvesting, so hopefully the bite this actually takes out of my savings will be slightly less.

According to the interwebs, diversification is the key to peer to peer lending. So, the plan is to grab as many notes as possible. Those that have invested in ~500 notes are considered fully diversified, according to some sources...I have a lot of work to do!

July 2017 Goals

July goals!

I'll keep working on my two main goals for 2017:

1. Wake up/go to bed earlier. I use StayFocusd to restrict late night internet time. It works. My July Microresolution: No internet after 10:30 pm on weeknights.
2. Incorporate more movement into my days. I use break software to help with this. I've also pledged to walk at least 21 min/day (science says this helps increase well-being and boost moods, something I desperately need right now. It also has a ton of other health and community benefits).
July Microresolution: Attend 1 workout class a week. (Walking to work/shopping/chores/errands takes care of the walking 21 minutes/day.)


What I've learned recently about habits/my life:

• I read two books on loneliness by Emily White: Lonely and Count Me In. Both were extremely easy, quick, informative reads and I recommend them for anyone that feels like something...or someone(s) is missing from their lives. She weaves her personal story in with scientific research on human connection very well. I related to a lot of what she said, particularly that I am not depressed, I'm lonely. And thereafter cascades many of my problems.
• I'm currently reading a book about making microresolutions by Caroline Arnold. I think this approach is the most effective way to make significant changes in your life.

Other on-going goals/projects for July:

1. Keep up with once a week cooking. This makes my work-week SO much easier and stress-free (and healthier!). Week 1: roast veggies, roast chicken Week 2: zucchini, potato, cheddar soup; pasta; southern style green beans Week 3: roast kumara; simple green beans; roast chicken; turkey-veggie chili; snacks: apples, cheese, wheat thins, hummus; desserts: strawberries, dark chocolate, mint chocolates. Week 4: same snacks, desserts; dinners: lemon-garlic-veggie chicken pasta; lunches: tuna-avocado sandwiches
2. Create ancestry book for both sides of my family.
3. Product safety overhaul: review toiletry products and find safe replacements.
4. Update Master Document and replace this online.
5. Update my CV, LinkedIn, Twitter, blog, staff page, and Researchgate profiles for work. Strip my Researchgate profile but keep account.
6. Send url of my personal research page to academic friends for review and tips.
7. Make weekly goals.
8. Review monthly and yearly and lifetime goals. 
9. Go to a social event where I know no one.
10.  Consolidate and rank/prioritize a list of meetups that look interesting and fun things to do with friends.
11. Think about a Destination Christmas, close to NZ. Where to go? And who would come with me?
12. Monthly PhD treat: birthday fun day.
13.  Follow up eye exam with contact lenses.-->appointment made
14. Research US tax implications of peer-to-peer lending in NZ.
15. Finalise birthday plans.
16. Finalise birthday ski trip in August. Get paid by 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 people. Secure rides to/down. Save up $$ for ski lift and gear rental. Start packing.
17. Renew passport. See: https://nz.usembassy.gov/u-s-citizen-services/how-to-renew-a-passport/.

 

A Wee Catch Up: Travels and Epiphanies

I went away on vacation for 6 weeks and just returned this weekend (travel pro-tip: schedule yourself to arrive back home on a Friday pm so you have the whole weekend to organize/unpack/etc. before heading to work!). I went to the West Coast of the US for a family wedding and mini-reunion for a week, then a friend met me and we headed down the coast on an epic road trip for a week and a half. I finished the trip off with almost 4 weeks at home with my mom, dad, and sister.

The family reunion was great, but, as expected, I got A LOT of questions about my singledom and dating life. People really need to mind their own business! As if I wasn't aware that I'm unlikely to ever get married since I'm nearly 40...! And as if that is the end-all, be-all point in life (Is it? Do I have something wrong?)? Anyway, this wedding marked the first of my cousins (all younger than me) on my mom's side to get married, and I can see the that the rest are well on their way down the same path--many of them brought their serious partners with them. I did feel a little left out/put out by their questions, but they seemed to swallow the lame excuses I made ("No one asks me out." "Guys in NZ marry early."). I mean, I honestly don't know what they wanted to hear ("I am unlovable and unwanted.")?? They love me, so I don't exactly know why they'd probe and ask more questions after I responded that I was sadly still single with zero prospects and that yes, I've tried--but every single guy I have been interested in in NZ in the past 10 years has turned me down. (Note to ALL THE PEOPLE: don't ask more questions after that response. Very few people are happy in that kind of situation.)

So when I started my road trip, I was keen to get away. Luckily, my friend is a great sounding board. The trip was OK. Not one of our best (we've been all over the world together), but there were no major hiccups. We headed down the 101 and checked out a lot of beautiful coastline, lighthouses, and little towns. I was very much in my head and trying to make everything perfect--I'd researched lots and had very specific ideas about where I wanted to go. Unfortunately, a lot of the things I was excited about were a bit of a let down (e.g. Fern Canyon looks amazing but was terrible when we went. There was a LINE of people for the whole hike. Gross.).

Fern Canyon. This is the shot with the fewest people in it (!)

As a result, I was kind of disappointed in myself for not showing my friend a better time, and she commented that I was all over the place when we were trying to figure out something to do. Poor thing, she couldn't keep up with my endless back-tracks and rethinking decisions and me doubting my instincts! It didn't help that we basically didn't sleep for 4-5 days straight in there because we were camping and the mattresses at the campsites were AWFUL. We also didn't schedule a few off, no-activity or driving days because we were trying to get from point A to point B in the few days that my friend could get off of work. :/ Lesson learned.

Beautiful sea-rock formations on the USA West Coast.

Anyway, it was a nice trip and I got some good photos. I then went home to my parents' house on the East Coast and hung out with them. I didn't work except for a few days in there when I had an unavoidable deadline. I also didn't shop as much as I usually do. I also didn't plan or see people I normally see. I didn't do much, to be honest. I had a few personal goals (e.g. update my will and master documents), but I didn't get those all done. I didn't talk with my dad as much as I wanted to (our sleep schedules were opposite). Honestly, I mostly vegged out, read books, ate my parents' cooking and American treats that I miss, let them spoil me, took care of them, had 3 extended family dinners, saw my best friend from college and went tubing, swam in the outdoor public pool for 2 of the days, and watched a TON of HGTV.  Somehow the time went by very quickly. My dad, of course, also asked why I'm still single.

The only thing I dread about going home/seeing family & friends is this topic. I feel like I need to hand out a brochure: "Yes, I am Single; No, I Don't Know Why." It really is the most annoying thing in my life right now, and pretty much why I avoid going to my old church, even though I love everyone there--they are like my second family. I just know I'll get a ton of questions about why I haven't given my mom grandchildren, and I am afraid my response to them will be incredibly rude. In church, mind you. I can't have that on my conscience. Better to live with the guilt of not going.

Source: http://whisper.sh/whisper/04f640514f9240351744dda872a6da2f188804/Yes-Im-single-No-I-dont-know-why-

Anyway, I did a lot of thinking about how I feel at home--with my family--and how I feel in NZ. Basically, I am a ton happier at home vs in NZ, for one main reason: I am surrounded by people that love me, care for me, listen to me, and are there whenever I need them. Solid. I can hug them anytime that I want or need one. That is huge! I simply don't have that in NZ, and because of that, I am incredibly lonely. Loneliness is why I settle for friendships that are toxic or unhealthy, why I hang out with people that I don't really like or have anything in common with, and why I make a huge deal out of planning/controlling my life and am a perfectionist. I don't want to let go of bad or uninteresting people, because if I did, I'd be going back to the time in NZ when I had no friends (c. 2009-10). That was seriously miserable. 2. I'm a perfectionist/control freak because subconsciously I'm trying to be worthy of someone decent, so that I can be the recipient of their love and attention.

So that hits the nail on the head, but completely. I've been struggling with this feeling on and off for years. It's come back with amazing force over the past year or so. At first, I thought I might be getting depressed, but that really didn't feel like the answer. I don't feel depressed 97% of the time (the exception is one day--Day 26--of my hormonal cycle--so bad!). I get excited for things and have lots of plans and enjoy things and am interested in a ton of activities...but I do most of these things alone. I need both: some alone time, then some friend time, then more alone time. I get the most enjoyment out of doing activities with my special people, and having a select, carefully chosen group of confidants and people I feel in tune with. My family, or my chosen family. Being alone is great sometimes, and I adore it, but I also need the option of feeling connected sometimes. I'm disconnected in NZ, and I am very unhappy because of it.

I did find that connection about 4 years ago, and made a nice, big group of friends that I had a ton in common with and had a LOT of fun with. I integrated them into my life with cautious excitement, because it seemed too good to be true. Amazing, decent, hilarious, fun, smart people that thought I was the same?! And were my age and on the same career path and could relate to me? And liked doing all the things (plus more) that I liked to do?!!!? I had struck a gold mine, and I knew it. I ate it up. I have only been happier in my life like that once before, when I found a similar group in grad school 15 years ago. I didn't take it for granted, not one second of it.

Slowly but surely, that group has disintegrated over the past year or so. First, one moved away south, got married, and had a baby. I don't see or hear back from him anymore. Then another one moved across the world, and now is engaged and having a baby--he's not great at communicating via message or skype. Another found a different job, away from the area where I work/she used to work, and it just isn't convenient for us to see each other as much (I don't have a car). Another got engaged 6 months ago and is 100% pre-occupied with that--I'm not much help with wedding ideas. Another got a girlfriend and is always busy with her. And the one closest to me of all? Well, he played with my heart, broke it, and now is avoiding me. And so on and so on. So that chapter is effectively closed. I can't count on those people to connect with or be there for me anymore.

What sucks is that I'm kind of a lifer. I don't like change and am a really slow burner. It takes a long time to earn my trust, but once I like someone and let them in, I will always be there for them no matter what. I don't have a partner or kids to take that attention away, so when close friends start diverting their attention to their partners/new kids, I feel abandoned and hurt, and then start to feel lonely and rejected. I am not sure what to do about this, since once-single, inseparable friends will always get partners/kids. I'd say that I understand and that it happens to me, too, when I get a partner, but it really doesn't, and hasn't--there have been no partners.

So...it seems that I have a lot to unpack in my upcoming therapy appointment, scheduled for next month. :) I'm just glad I figured out the depression/loneliness distinction. I was getting kind of worried about myself!