Vacation Work Limbo

Back in NZ...and so super relaxed from my vacation. I scheduled an early return trip back from my vacation purposefully. I now have the whole weekend to prep for my upcoming crazy work schedule.

ACTUALLY

NO

Hold the phone. I won't let it get crazy.

I do have a lot coming up, but I am going to just take it easy and do things as I can. Pre-PhD, this upcoming time would be the most hectic part of my year.

And then I added a PhD on top of that. I've been really unhappy with my schedule and all the pressure.

Well. I tried some new things out over my vacation. My (bad) supervisor asked me to do some major work. I said no, absolutely not.

I'll be doing a lot more of that in my new plan/attitude. If something is going to cause me to stress out, stop having a life, or not allow me enough time to take care of myself, I will just say no.

I expect a lot of snide comments and blowback from this, but I don't plan to give in.  Guess what? The PhD/work will get done eventually. If it doesn't, it wasn't important enough. Or, they can pull my PhD funding and I'll go back to being happy in my job. (I was really happiest when I just had the job...)

This means I have to approach work differently. Really make efforts to prioritize, be efficient, and commit to not working more than I absolutely have to.

I think I'm a little addicted to work and the praise I get from it. Combined with a dwindling social life, family really far away, no hobbies or pets or other commitments, and no potential dates, it was easy to make work my whole life.

But that really, really isn't healthy. And, despite the absolute joy I get from doing my job, how easy it is for me, and the gold stars I get from it, it's not the only thing I want in my life. I have to start making room for the rest of the things I want.

An article about Self Care popped up on my FB feed today. Even though it's about depression, it describes a little bit of what I've been feeling but not able to put into words. Self care is more than pedicures and Float Tanks. It's doing the awful annoying stuff in your life that you put off because it is unpleasant or boring or hard. It's 'adulting.' I would like to be a little bit more disciplined with that stuff. It's so easy to come home from an intense, long day, and put all the hard or boring stuff off in favor of pampering myself a little.

So I'll be making an effort to schedule that sort of stuff some point soon, and write a post on it. It will probably be easier if I just make a list and pop it in my calendar!

I've gained probably 10-15 lbs since starting the PhD. I'm hoping that my new healthier lifestyle of eating better and exercising, I'll get rid of it. That will probably have to be added to my goals...
 I like my goal system a lot, and will incorporate it into my new plan. I probably need to do something every day to get me closer to achieving them...

I miss my family a ton, but I am so very relaxed right now, thanks to my vacation and saying no to doing PhD work during my time off! And I want it to last as looooonnnnngggg as possible.

September Goals

As I'm on vacation for 3.5 of the 4 weeks of September, I will not be setting any major goals. I will be taking this opportunity to really relax and enjoy my family and friends and NOT STRESS.

Since being on vacation for a week now, I realize how much anxiety I have in NZ. About everything. I mean, I am constantly on myself, worrying about how I sleep so much, can't seem to get on a normal schedule, can't seem to make myself work out, waste so much time, don't get enough work done, can't find a date, etc. etc. etc. Maybe if I just lay off myself a little, my energy and discipline would return?

Sigh. That seems like the opposite of what I need to do (I NEED MORE DISCIPLINE), but I'm desperate. I'm willing to try anything at this point!

One good thing is that my sleep seems to have stabilized, now that I don't have anything to do the next morning. I sleep when I get tired--even if that means going to be at 7:30 pm, and wake up when I wake up. Since being home and recovering from jet lag, that has been before 10 am every day. If I could JUST make this my schedule when I am in NZ, I would be INCREDIBLY happy. It is what I've been trying to do for years. This means that hopefully my issue isn't totally biological. I think being in the sunshine has something to do with it--damn SAD--but also that there is a psychological component. I no longer have any PhD/work to dread & no pressure to run through a never-ending list of chores each day. The constant failure was getting to me, I think. There is no way for my energy to sustain me through a full work day plus cleaning and shopping and laundry and cooking and everything that needs to get done in NZ. I have to get some of that off of my plate somehow.

So. Goals for September (while at home):

1. Go to bed and wake up at reasonable hours.
2. Buy all US stuff that I need to buy to stock up for yet another GD year in NZ.
3. Back up home laptop.
4. Book car rental for Pacific NW road trip next year.
5. Ask around for good road trip itineraries for Pacific NW next year.
6. Skype or see friends and family:
• Skype D
• Skype LG
• Skype LM
• Dinner w/ B & fam
• Lunch w/ HEM
• Drinks w/ J and her hubby
• Visit B and stay for weekend
• See church family
• game night and dinner with extended family
7. get haircut and donate hair
8. Review finances, will, insurances, master list: secretsync set up to Google drive instead of dropbox?
9. Look into ancestry if I feel the urge.
10. Spend as many days as possible by the pool or on the beach in the sun--swimming, tanning, reading.
11. As many days as possible:
• meditate
• stretch/kgs/plank/situps/pushups/weights/splits
• SPF & night cream
• take vitamins
•  review goals
• floss

September (while in NZ):

1. Wake up early.
2. Make physio appt.
3. Enact 2 week free trial voucher at gym & go to stretch classes.
4. Make appt for therapist. 
5. Keep cooking for the week every Sunday.
6. Back up laptop.
7. Figure out tracking system for moods, weight, exercise, sleep, hormones.
   
8. Pacific NW road trip planning. 

PhD/Work Stuff:

1. Unpack office. 

For October:

1. Write: Outline paper #1 (Intro/lit review/methods/results).
2. Labwork:
1. Visit lab to make sure they have everything I require
2. Pick/prep samples from all sites again.  
3. prep collected samples for F
3. Analyze: 
• Skype call collaborators to figure out how to process data collected in December.
• calc bubble estimates
4.  Organise work computer: 
• finalise Prague files
• set up back up system for google drive files
5. Learn:
• Review all pencasts (including class notes)
• sci poster program review
• review class notes & homework
6. Communicate:
• draft blog post re: PhD
• keep up with Twitter

August Goal Status: Better luck next time

Goals and Status:

1. Main goal: Fix sleep schedule. Nope. But I'm doing VERY WELL since going on vacation!
2. Keep going to physio. Nope. I think I went once. Tweaked my back skiing so I need to go back when I'm back in NZ again.
3. Start going to stretch class regularly (2x/week). Nope again. Now that I've moved offices closer to the gym, I hope that I go more. I have a 2 week free trial voucher that I can use once I'm back. :)
4. Make appt for therapist. (Write or call her back to make appointment.) Sorta. I suggested a time/date for an appointment but she took so long to confirm it that I assumed she hadn't gotten my message and I planned something else for that time/date. Will revisit when I'm back in NZ.
5. Go to medical appt. Choose best BC. Yes. Have one to try if I need to be on one.
6. Keep cooking for the week every Sunday. (All but the Sundays I was away travelling!) I did this all except one Sunday when I had an outing--turns out if I leave the house on Sunday or try to do ANYTHING else except cook, I don't have the energy to cook. I went skiing one Sunday and didn't cook then either.
7. Back up home laptop. Not yet. Moved to September.
8. August pampering: Going home is pampering enough. Have already had a pedicure paid for by my mom. :) Plus--I took an impromptu ski trip!
9. Figure out tracking system for moods, weight, exercise, sleep, hormones. Sorta?
10. Figure out flight back from US next May/June & work out road trip.   Need to chat to my friends, but I will start making plans/booking rental cars/making an itinerary immediately.
11. Make list of things needed to buy in the US. Yep. Have gotten most things already. Now to fit them in my suitcase!!
12. Pack up and visit home.  Yes. Obviously.
13. Visit stardome on a clear night and use telescopes to view the night sky. Nope
14. As many days as possible:
1. meditate F I think I've done it ONCE this trip
2. stretch/kgs/plank/situps/pushups/weights/splits D. I'm very inconsistent
3. SPF & night cream B+
4. take vitamins C
5.  review goals B+
6. floss B+

PhD/Work Stuff:

1. Meet/get guidance: Meet PhD supervisors once mid-month. Nope. Was supposed to meet up with my supervisor in the US but he took the opportunity to place a bunch of demands on me while I was on vacation. Instead of acquiescing like I normally would, I am simply going to tell him I am unable to meet his demands as I AM ON VACATION. I therefore will not be meeting with him.
2. Pack up office for move.  Yes
3. Fieldwork: Plan and organise to take samples first week of August.Yes
4. Write: 
1. Outline paper #1 (Intro/lit review/methods/results). No; move to end Sept/October.
2. Finalise and submit grant proposal #2  Yes
5. Analyze: Skype call collaborators to figure out how to process data collected in December. No. After many repeated tries and attempts at contact, they have not returned my calls or emails.
6. Organize: 
1. clean out pen data storage to make room/archive deleted pencasts on PC. Yes
2. Set up ExpanDrive on both my laptop and work computers. Half done! Transferring files now. Just work computer... Yes
7. Labwork: Pick and start prepping samples from all sites. Labs close in August but get as much work done as possible.  Yes
8. Visit lab to make sure they have all my equipment required. No
9. Communicate: Keep up with Twitter. Write 1 blog post about my fieldwork/labwork. Take tons of pictures of samples. Prep for outreach event(s). All except blog post.