Recently I booked a hostel through Hostelworld's website. I found a hostel with great reviews (not just on their site, but tripadvisor and other places as well) in a great, safe location in Brazil. I am usually quite thorough when looking for places to stay, as these can easily make or break trips.
The price listed was quite a bit less than other hostels, and I thought I had stumbled upon a great deal, so I booked it, ecstatically. My friend and I are on a very strict budget, so any little bit helps!
I contacted the hostel to let them know I'd be arriving quite late in the evening. They seemed very helpful and said all was great and confirmed my reservation. Then they sent a later email saying actually something 'very wrong' had happened with the pricing on Hostelworld, and to get the room I'd have to pay almost double what it says on my confirmed reservation. Did I accept their apology and want to continue with my reservation with them at the new, 'real' price? If not, they'd cancel my reservation and return my deposit.
What would you do here?
I haven't responded directly to them yet. I forwarded all of the correspondence to Hostelworld and asked for help. It says in their fine print that the hostel is responsible for any pricing mistakes on their site. They only took a day or two to respond and say that they are looking into the matter by talking to the hostel owners.
Since they are a good hostel in a good location, and the new price isn't exorbitant, should I have just accepted the price change and curried their good favour for the duration of my stay?
I struggle with knowing what to do--I know friends would just accept the
new price and be all go-with-the-flow-y, and others who'd say that I
should stick up for myself and shouldn't be a doormat. Sometimes I go so far in trying to make everything fair and just, I shoot myself in the foot and cost myself in the process. I'm looking for other hostels and air bnb's in Brazil because I doubt I will get good treatment at this original hostel, even if Hostelworld sides with me. It all just sucks. If I were the hostel owner, I would accept my responsibility for the mistake, and tell the guest that I'd honour the original price since the reservation is confirmed. But that is just me...and probably some of my American expectations/customer is always right coming out!
ETA: Hostelworld was no help at all. They said they contacted the hostel and confirmed that something had gone wrong when the hostel updated their prices on the website, and reiterated the hostel's offer to cancel my booking if I didn't agree to pay the new prices.
I wrote back both the hostel and Hostelworld, quoting the policy on mistaken pricing (i.e., the hostel is responsible for the prices listed on the site, even if they are a mistake), explaining my point of view (e.g., this seems like a bait and switch and is unfair to me as a customer with a confirmed reservation) and am now awaiting their answer(s).
Again, I doubt they honour their commitment, and I have already scouted out other places to stay, but I felt the need to emphasize how unfair this situation is to their customers. I will also be placing very negative reviews on any site that lets me for both hostelworld and the hostel in question.
ETA 2: Success! An Update
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Personality Types of PF Bloggers
Somewhat late to the bandwagon here...personality types of personal finance bloggers.
Yup, I'm INTJ as well. I find it so interesting that we are quite a minority in the general population, but are the most popular type represented in PF bloggers. Fun!
Career is dead-on, romantic relationship difficulty scarily accurate. The only thing that I don't quite agree with is that, as an INTJ, I am super blunt all the time. I mean, I can be--very much so at work--but I'm generally a nice girl and the first to offer a hug when I sense that a friend is hurting. I blame my Southern roots for my politeness, and my lovely mother for my unusually (-for-INTJs) empathetic nature.
Yup, I'm INTJ as well. I find it so interesting that we are quite a minority in the general population, but are the most popular type represented in PF bloggers. Fun!
Career is dead-on, romantic relationship difficulty scarily accurate. The only thing that I don't quite agree with is that, as an INTJ, I am super blunt all the time. I mean, I can be--very much so at work--but I'm generally a nice girl and the first to offer a hug when I sense that a friend is hurting. I blame my Southern roots for my politeness, and my lovely mother for my unusually (-for-INTJs) empathetic nature.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
S. America Tickets Bought!
So all is not awful--I've got my flights all booked for S. America this summer. I'll be heading over at the end of March/early April. Here's my $$ tally and budget so far:
Flights (total cost): $305.17 USD (gotta love airmiles!)
Tours/Souvenirs/Etc.: $500 USD budgeted
Hostels: $25/day USD budgeted
Food: $25/day USD budgeted
Car Hire: $20/day USD budgeted (only 11 of the days, though--will make do without the rest of the time)
Still need to do:
Flights (total cost): $305.17 USD (gotta love airmiles!)
Tours/Souvenirs/Etc.: $500 USD budgeted
Hostels: $25/day USD budgeted
Food: $25/day USD budgeted
Car Hire: $20/day USD budgeted (only 11 of the days, though--will make do without the rest of the time)
Still need to do:
- check on immunizations needed
- get SIM cards
- book hostels
- make rough tour itinerary/road trip maps
Friday, November 20, 2015
Start Saying No
This year has been really hard. People around me keep dying or getting sick(er) or turning out to not be decent people, or they are coupling up and becoming more distant. For someone who craves constancy and stability over everything else, this has been incredibly difficult. I try to roll with the punches by not expecting anything from anyone and not counting on anyone. But that is pretty hard to do. I'm at my happiest when I have enough time to be by myself and reliable, constant, fun, close friends when I don't want to be by myself. When those people disappoint me or I feel that they don't prioritise me as much as I prioritise them, I retreat into myself further.
So I've fallen into a rut of very negative thinking. When I am not working (rarely), there is crying and sadness and hopelessness. Most of all, there is a lot of deep loneliness, with no end in sight.
I always said that if the PhD made me cry, I'd quit. But now I know that it is way more complicated than that. The things that are making me cry have nothing to do with my research. Even when someone stole my project, I didn't cry--I got angry. The PhD, however, creates pressure and requires a lifestyle with minimal time and money. That means that your go-to normal (healthy) stress relievers are probably not available to you. And that means that everything else that goes wrong in your life is amplified 1000x and you have few coping skills to deal with ALL THE EMOTIONS. This is the double whammy of PhD life: a ton of added stress, with fewer resources to deal with any stress at all.
The loneliness hits the hardest just after spending time with my quite large group of friends, who are all, and I mean 100%, happily coupled up. I'm therefore the odd man out. This makes me not want to go to parties or hang out with everyone in a large group, even though I adore them all. The loneliness hangover is just too brutal, so I abstain. I do spend one-on-one time with a few select people, and that is OK, but it is quite selfish to always/only spend time with them when they are on their own. I don't know what to do--I can't handle parties and spending time with ALL THE COUPLES because it makes me incredibly sad afterward (which I then feel guilty about, because I am happy for them), and I am selfish if I'm always asking for them to always take time away from their partners. Their partners have to come first, and I understand that. But it makes me feel awful to be demoted to an after-thought where once I was a priority and their first port of call. This hasn't just happened recently, it's an ongoing thing that repeats itself over and over and over again. And I'm tired of it. Am I just supposed to get a partner just as a default move, so that I am someone's #1? That seems like a shitty reason, not to mention I've been looking and it just doesn't happen that easily. Added to that, the happiest times in my life have not been while I was in a relationship. What is there to do when what makes everyone else happy makes you miserable?
Anyway, I've been saying for a while now that I need to change something. I decided that once I got through my PhD proposal process, that change would start. The proposal was the last firm deadline/requirement that I had to meet to fulfill the University's requirements. And now it's done.
I do have a lab deadline I need to meet in December, and I'll be happy if I just have one sample for that--and I have 2.5 weeks to get that sample. So hopefully that is doable. My next conference I want to go to isn't until 2017. There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON that any time pressure should be put on me until that conference deadline looms. Right now, I literally have zero PhD deadlines after the one in December. More will pop up, for sure, but it shouldn't be like it has been this year.
I am PART TIME. It is time I start reminding people of that. I'm saying no to everything, even social activities, because I keep doing things I don't feel like doing and they just add more stress to my life. I want to strip everything away and slowly add only the things that I really value. That means being more selfish with my free time--I've already said no to an invitation to celebrate an acquaintance/friend's wedding because I was cracked out from work and desperately needed a day of rest and no obligations. Guilt trips and lots of persuasive messages ensued but I stood my ground. I felt awful but I just have to start doing what is right for me!
So I've fallen into a rut of very negative thinking. When I am not working (rarely), there is crying and sadness and hopelessness. Most of all, there is a lot of deep loneliness, with no end in sight.
I always said that if the PhD made me cry, I'd quit. But now I know that it is way more complicated than that. The things that are making me cry have nothing to do with my research. Even when someone stole my project, I didn't cry--I got angry. The PhD, however, creates pressure and requires a lifestyle with minimal time and money. That means that your go-to normal (healthy) stress relievers are probably not available to you. And that means that everything else that goes wrong in your life is amplified 1000x and you have few coping skills to deal with ALL THE EMOTIONS. This is the double whammy of PhD life: a ton of added stress, with fewer resources to deal with any stress at all.
The loneliness hits the hardest just after spending time with my quite large group of friends, who are all, and I mean 100%, happily coupled up. I'm therefore the odd man out. This makes me not want to go to parties or hang out with everyone in a large group, even though I adore them all. The loneliness hangover is just too brutal, so I abstain. I do spend one-on-one time with a few select people, and that is OK, but it is quite selfish to always/only spend time with them when they are on their own. I don't know what to do--I can't handle parties and spending time with ALL THE COUPLES because it makes me incredibly sad afterward (which I then feel guilty about, because I am happy for them), and I am selfish if I'm always asking for them to always take time away from their partners. Their partners have to come first, and I understand that. But it makes me feel awful to be demoted to an after-thought where once I was a priority and their first port of call. This hasn't just happened recently, it's an ongoing thing that repeats itself over and over and over again. And I'm tired of it. Am I just supposed to get a partner just as a default move, so that I am someone's #1? That seems like a shitty reason, not to mention I've been looking and it just doesn't happen that easily. Added to that, the happiest times in my life have not been while I was in a relationship. What is there to do when what makes everyone else happy makes you miserable?
Anyway, I've been saying for a while now that I need to change something. I decided that once I got through my PhD proposal process, that change would start. The proposal was the last firm deadline/requirement that I had to meet to fulfill the University's requirements. And now it's done.
I do have a lab deadline I need to meet in December, and I'll be happy if I just have one sample for that--and I have 2.5 weeks to get that sample. So hopefully that is doable. My next conference I want to go to isn't until 2017. There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON that any time pressure should be put on me until that conference deadline looms. Right now, I literally have zero PhD deadlines after the one in December. More will pop up, for sure, but it shouldn't be like it has been this year.
I am PART TIME. It is time I start reminding people of that. I'm saying no to everything, even social activities, because I keep doing things I don't feel like doing and they just add more stress to my life. I want to strip everything away and slowly add only the things that I really value. That means being more selfish with my free time--I've already said no to an invitation to celebrate an acquaintance/friend's wedding because I was cracked out from work and desperately needed a day of rest and no obligations. Guilt trips and lots of persuasive messages ensued but I stood my ground. I felt awful but I just have to start doing what is right for me!
Monday, November 16, 2015
Going Home
I bit the bullet and bought flights home for Christmas today, the first time I've paid full-price in ~5 years.
My dad was admitted to the hospital a week ago and is in severe pain. The doctors are NOT helping. He wasn't looking good when I was home, and now things are even worse.
My sister was admitted to the hospital and isn't doing well.
My aunt just had a stroke. She was perfectly healthy--and one of the bright spots in the family--a few days ago. This is devastating to her immediate family, who are living hand-to-mouth as it is, and rely heavily on her for money for food and gas, and rides to the hospital. Her mom is in severe pain and has to have major surgery next week. I don't even know how they'll cope. Probably by leaning on my mother, the last remaining 'healthy' person in the family.
I am severely depressed about my life, being alone, and undergoing a ton of pressure from the PhD lately.
Add to that the state of the world yesterday (bombings in France), and I just couldn't take anymore. I need to be home, I need to be with my family, full stop. Nothing else matters.
It's just money. And I have a PhD emergency fund, anyway. I think this counts. I just hope I don't need to come home earlier than Christmas...
My dad was admitted to the hospital a week ago and is in severe pain. The doctors are NOT helping. He wasn't looking good when I was home, and now things are even worse.
My sister was admitted to the hospital and isn't doing well.
My aunt just had a stroke. She was perfectly healthy--and one of the bright spots in the family--a few days ago. This is devastating to her immediate family, who are living hand-to-mouth as it is, and rely heavily on her for money for food and gas, and rides to the hospital. Her mom is in severe pain and has to have major surgery next week. I don't even know how they'll cope. Probably by leaning on my mother, the last remaining 'healthy' person in the family.
I am severely depressed about my life, being alone, and undergoing a ton of pressure from the PhD lately.
Add to that the state of the world yesterday (bombings in France), and I just couldn't take anymore. I need to be home, I need to be with my family, full stop. Nothing else matters.
It's just money. And I have a PhD emergency fund, anyway. I think this counts. I just hope I don't need to come home earlier than Christmas...
Saturday, November 07, 2015
October Blow Out: The Budget Of The Uncaring
October was awful. I left my friends and family in the US and was determined to keep my good humour and better attitude to work upon returning to NZ. I even decided not to drink for a while to try and be healthier.
The good humour lasted about 8 days (I'm still not drinking). I'm a total mess. I'll get into why in another post, but my attempts to save time wherever I could and make myself relax led to a lot of spending. Saving money is just the last thing on my mind, I am in a bad place and can't care about that right now.
Not only did I go over my budget, I spent more than I made this month:
I blame a) spending willy-nilly on items at the American store (adjusting back to NZ is always hard), b) stocking up on grocery items again, and c) reserving the cityhop car too many times this month. I can't afford to do it every single weekend--I need to cut that back to every OTHER weekend perhaps.
It's bad news, but not heartbreaking. I can afford it for one month...and so far I haven't had to transfer any NZD to USD using the terrible exchange rate. At least my Net Worth still went up!
The good humour lasted about 8 days (I'm still not drinking). I'm a total mess. I'll get into why in another post, but my attempts to save time wherever I could and make myself relax led to a lot of spending. Saving money is just the last thing on my mind, I am in a bad place and can't care about that right now.
| Oct 2015 Budget | |||
| Category | Spent | Budgeted Amount | Balance |
| Rent | $900.00 | $900.00 | $0.00 |
| Groceries | $536.29 | $425.00 | -$111.29 |
| Internet | $29.33 | $29.33 | $0.00 |
| Electricity | $162.13 | $50.00 | -$112.13 |
| Eating Out and Alcohol | $235.63 | $125.00 | -$110.63 |
| Charity | $50.00 | $25.00 | -$25.00 |
| Cell phone | $21.00 | $40.00 | $19.00 |
| Medical | $0.00 | $65.00 | $65.00 |
| Misc | $1,072.39 | $600.00 | -$472.39 |
| Savings | $500.00 | $500.00 | $0.00 |
| Total | $3,506.77 | $2,759.33 | -$747.44 |
| Remainder | -$623.57 |
I blame a) spending willy-nilly on items at the American store (adjusting back to NZ is always hard), b) stocking up on grocery items again, and c) reserving the cityhop car too many times this month. I can't afford to do it every single weekend--I need to cut that back to every OTHER weekend perhaps.
It's bad news, but not heartbreaking. I can afford it for one month...and so far I haven't had to transfer any NZD to USD using the terrible exchange rate. At least my Net Worth still went up!
| NW since tracking began (DEC 2014) | ||||
| NW Dec 2014 | This month | Difference ($) | Difference (%) | |
| NET WORTH (same) | 104128.75 | 115,885.77 | 11757.02 | 11.29 |
| NZ Net Worth | 82442.59 | 94154.25 | 11711.66 | 14.21 |
| US Net Worth | 21219.15 | 21,480.52 | 261.37 | 1.23 |
| Change from last month: | Last Month | This Month | Difference ($) | Difference (%) |
| NET WORTH (same) | 112,921.42 | 115,885.77 | 2964.35 | 2.63 |
| NZ Net Worth | 92021.61 | 94154.25 | 2132.64 | 2.32 |
| US Net Worth | 20,648.81 | 21,480.52 | 831.71 | 4.03 |
Hell week/month.
OK. Pretty bad week.
My dad is in severe pain and went to the ER twice. They finally admitted him for one day and then discharged him without making a plan to manage his pain nor did they alleviate it while he was in the hospital. What good are doctors anyway?
I think my sister is having a psychotic break, and emailing me nonsense things again. I think she is going to end up in the psychiatric ward again soon.
Was given an impossible deadline; stayed up for about 4 days straight to try and meet it. In the end I turned something in but it was probably the worst thing I've ever written professionally. And it didn't meet the guidelines I was given for it. My supervisor gave me feedback that changed the focus of the entire 30 page document THREE HOURS before it was due, so I am just grateful it got done. I'm not someone who doesn't follow rules and make sure every i is dotted, so this was really really hard for me. The hell isn't over--next week is another big deadline, then the week after I have yet another biggie. Two weeks later, there is another one. They just keep rolling in!
I'm not in a good place generally. I'm just feeling really lonely. I have really good friends here but no real life partner. I'm looking for someone that is supportive and in my life on a daily basis, i.e., more than a friend. Everyone else in my life here has someone like that. My heart is slightly broken because I did have a 'friend' who was sort of a stand in/life partner substitute for a while, but he has found someone special. I think I cared more than I should have!! Oh well.
So I'm kind of pulling back on everything except taking care of myself. My time is so limited by work and PhD now that I am barely sleeping. I've done what I can--I've cut out everything in my life I used to enjoy and it is still not enough. I need to get back on track, though. First things first. Prioritize sleeping well, eating healthily, working out. Then investing time in my family. Then work and PhD. Friends and fun has to come last, there is just no time for that without severely cutting into things like sleep. I've invited friends to come workout with me doing various activities that they've said they'd be into, but they've all bailed on me at the last minute, every time, so there's no way to combine those things. I'm not sure what else to do. I make fixings for salads and other relatively healthy meals on Sundays and then heat them up or pull them together in less than 5 minutes during the week. I then eat while I'm working, so there is no time to spare there, either. What else could I do? I'll keep thinking.
I think I need to go home for Christmas. I just need a hug from my mom and dad!
My dad is in severe pain and went to the ER twice. They finally admitted him for one day and then discharged him without making a plan to manage his pain nor did they alleviate it while he was in the hospital. What good are doctors anyway?
I think my sister is having a psychotic break, and emailing me nonsense things again. I think she is going to end up in the psychiatric ward again soon.
Was given an impossible deadline; stayed up for about 4 days straight to try and meet it. In the end I turned something in but it was probably the worst thing I've ever written professionally. And it didn't meet the guidelines I was given for it. My supervisor gave me feedback that changed the focus of the entire 30 page document THREE HOURS before it was due, so I am just grateful it got done. I'm not someone who doesn't follow rules and make sure every i is dotted, so this was really really hard for me. The hell isn't over--next week is another big deadline, then the week after I have yet another biggie. Two weeks later, there is another one. They just keep rolling in!
I'm not in a good place generally. I'm just feeling really lonely. I have really good friends here but no real life partner. I'm looking for someone that is supportive and in my life on a daily basis, i.e., more than a friend. Everyone else in my life here has someone like that. My heart is slightly broken because I did have a 'friend' who was sort of a stand in/life partner substitute for a while, but he has found someone special. I think I cared more than I should have!! Oh well.
So I'm kind of pulling back on everything except taking care of myself. My time is so limited by work and PhD now that I am barely sleeping. I've done what I can--I've cut out everything in my life I used to enjoy and it is still not enough. I need to get back on track, though. First things first. Prioritize sleeping well, eating healthily, working out. Then investing time in my family. Then work and PhD. Friends and fun has to come last, there is just no time for that without severely cutting into things like sleep. I've invited friends to come workout with me doing various activities that they've said they'd be into, but they've all bailed on me at the last minute, every time, so there's no way to combine those things. I'm not sure what else to do. I make fixings for salads and other relatively healthy meals on Sundays and then heat them up or pull them together in less than 5 minutes during the week. I then eat while I'm working, so there is no time to spare there, either. What else could I do? I'll keep thinking.
I think I need to go home for Christmas. I just need a hug from my mom and dad!
Wednesday, November 04, 2015
Hate It
A PhD is just a constant state of being disappointed in yourself after setting yourself up to fail.
It's time to face facts: I'm miserable. Utterly, totally despondent. I hate everything about my PhD except for the actual project and work. That is--the politics, the paperwork, the administration, managing the supervisor, people stealing my ideas and treating me like a slave or non-person...the DEADLINES. If I could just do the project work without all of the accompanying nonsense, I'd quit the PhD in a heartbeat and do it happily.
I think I need to seriously think about quitting. My sanity/health/happiness is not worth doing this for another 4.5 years.
Not to mention, if I keep devoting all of my time to the PhD, I will lose all of my friends (who are pissed at me for being unavailable) and any chance at dating ever again. 43 is a bit late to enter the dating scene when I'm ready for all that NOW.
(of course, to put things in perspective, I'm writing this after staying up 48 straight hours to write a proposal due 1 day from now, and it's still nowhere near an acceptable condition. I'm just sick of these last minute pressurized deadlines where I have to give up everything for weeks/months at a time to live like a work-crazed insane person, and still either fail or reach the bottom rung of mediocrity. I AM SICK OF THIS FEELING)
It's time to face facts: I'm miserable. Utterly, totally despondent. I hate everything about my PhD except for the actual project and work. That is--the politics, the paperwork, the administration, managing the supervisor, people stealing my ideas and treating me like a slave or non-person...the DEADLINES. If I could just do the project work without all of the accompanying nonsense, I'd quit the PhD in a heartbeat and do it happily.
I think I need to seriously think about quitting. My sanity/health/happiness is not worth doing this for another 4.5 years.
Not to mention, if I keep devoting all of my time to the PhD, I will lose all of my friends (who are pissed at me for being unavailable) and any chance at dating ever again. 43 is a bit late to enter the dating scene when I'm ready for all that NOW.
(of course, to put things in perspective, I'm writing this after staying up 48 straight hours to write a proposal due 1 day from now, and it's still nowhere near an acceptable condition. I'm just sick of these last minute pressurized deadlines where I have to give up everything for weeks/months at a time to live like a work-crazed insane person, and still either fail or reach the bottom rung of mediocrity. I AM SICK OF THIS FEELING)
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