Something Has to Go

I don't have this all figured out, this money thing. I'd hit a good auto-pilot the past couple of years: I was happy with how much I was saving to long-term goals each month vs short-term, and how much I was spending. I knew how much power and internet were likely to be each month. Things were predictable. Things were awesome.

Cut to the aftermath of the moving and PhD bomb. Everything is up in the air. I don't know how to put things back together the way they were. I don't know how to live anymore.

I'm buying oodles of things to make my new apartment my home, like the last one was. It isn't working. I have rearranged my bedroom five times. It still isn't right...

My new place is dark. I liked how sunny my old place was, the morning AND afternoon sun streaming through the windows, warming the place up in winter. Since moving, I feel sort of depressed sometimes, and have been getting upset a lot more. I need to use my solar light. I have the winter blues pretty bad.

But this is what I chose. This is my life now, at least for the next year.

The older I get (just had a birthday), the more I feel like I'm settling, compromising, continually feeling like I'm giving one really important thing up for another. I can't have it all anymore. I used to feel like I did...

Moving on from the philosophical, the nuts-and-bolts of my budget have come loose and are threatening an epic collapse. And I need to stop sticking my head in the sand, and address it.

That's the thing about your money situation: you can't just figure it out once and be done with it. It takes little (or big) tweaks here or there, and constant maintenance and check ins and sprucing up.

Reality Check 1: I've moved into a much more expensive place. Even with a couple helping with rent, I've increased my per-week rent by $40, and am now paying double (or triple) in electricity and internet costs. If I don't get another couple in after them, or no single person will spend $300 on rent for a single room in the city, I'm pretty screwed.

Reality Check 2: I am getting paid much less now.

These two things collided at the exact same time, and the devastation can be seen in my last few monthly budgets. The only reason that I'm saving anything at all is because my parents have been sending me money, and because the University is paying me too much (they think I'm full time PhD when I am just part-time).

I still spend it all, which means that if my parents stop sending me money, or the Uni finally corrects their mistake, I am going to be in Big Trouble.

Reality Check 3: I have not rented out my parking spot yet. That is $60 per week out the window. I thought I had--she paid the first week and then kept making appointments with me that she never ever kept. She had a bad accident and went to the hospital just after the first payment, so I let her have some leeway, but this is ridiculous. 4 weeks and she doesn't even autodirect deposit me? Nope.

Despite all of this, I am doing OK financially. I think. I seem to have miraculously saved extra money somehow and this is getting put in my 'whatever' fund. I have no idea what to use that for. I have saved up money for every single thing that I could reasonably spend it on. I really want a dog, but that requires me to own a house, which is completely out of my reach, unless I marry rich. I really want a car, but I can't afford to buy it, the WOF and maintenance, plus pay for the parking spot in the city all at once, so that is out of the window too. I could put it towards more car sharing escapades--maybe rent it for a whole day every weekend or something?--but I kind of do that anyway when it is needed. I don't know. I'll think about it. There are a ton of things I could come up with. A fancy new camera? A new phone? I don't like the idea of a new thing--I want a trip or experience or something out of it. Or to just save it and put it toward a long-term goal: retirement, a house DP, or Europe trip. I'm sure some lightning will hit, esp while I'm at home in the US and have more time to think about this. I need to put any 'extra' money somewhere, have a goal, in order to keep up my motivation. Any ideas?

Other good things:

1. I think I have a garage renter starting this week, and for the next few weeks, after which another renter has lined up to take the spot for a year. < --eta: she bailed. Yay.

I found an NZ fee-free credit card that gives me airmiles for normal spending. It is a $hitty rate: 1 point for $160 (in the US this is 1 point per $1, ugh), and the fee is waived for only the first year, but, hey, it's something. I'll cancel it next year if they try to charge me a fee. I've already set a reminder for myself in my work calendar.