From time to time, I look at my meager charity budget and feel quite guilty. I love that I have a line-item in my budget to donate to the causes I support, and I get a total thrill every single time I donate money or choose someone to loan my Kiva dollars to. But it is something that I have come to really enjoy--something for myself. It doesn't come at a huge cost to me, I think is the problem. It feels too easy, like I'm throwing money at an issue rather than getting my hands dirty and really tackling it from the inside. Money makes a difference, but only if there are people who know what to do with it, and folks to carry out action plans to make effective change. My guilt tells me: I need to give my time, as well as my money.
I grew up going to church, so I can see why my concept of volunteer work is inextricably linked to helping the poor, the sick, the luckless. It's also the feeling that went along with giving: we're taught that tithing should be an amount that stings, that costs us. We should
feel the cut. No wonder I think that the charity worker, the volunteer, the giver, should also feel like they are suffering a little bit when giving. My experiences with volunteering with my church group also jibe with this feeling. The work we did with the church involved soup kitchens, visiting the elderly, playing the piano for various groups, singing carols in hospital wards, and other such tasks. While I was always glad I did them and
very much see the value in these activities, I found all of them to be uncomfortable, dreaded doing them, and just sort of felt forced to do it, as a "good Christian." (I am really ashamed of myself and can't believe I admitted all that; I really hope that doesn't make me a bad person.) So yes, unfortunately, my connotations with volunteer work are not good, and I definitely think that if I'm not dreading it a little bit, it doesn't count as giving back.
I occasionally get twinges of extreme guilt that I am not still doing the kinds of things I did with my church group. Once in a while I research options for volunteer work in Auckland to try to quell my guilt. As I thought about this topic more, though, I realized that I already volunteer and donate a ton of my time already. It just doesn't take the form of ladling out food at a soup kitchen, and it also doesn't feel like I am being forced into an uncomfortable situation. Pretty much the opposite, in fact! Through my job, I regularly get requests to share my knowledge in my field of expertise--outreach activities. Often this means giving talks or visiting a classroom or organising a huge event for the public. Sometimes (oddly, several times recently!) it is as simple as leading an artist around on a field trip and chatting about various subjects of interest to us both to give them some inspiration. Even though I technically am allowed to take some work time to do these tasks, I often end up preparing for and doing these on my own time, particularly on weekends. I also write a blog, maintain a facebook page, and have a twitter account where I interact with the public, answer questions, and provide information about my subject of study, all on my own time.
So maybe I am not working directly with a cause that I'd normally associate with volunteering, but I don't think that makes my contributions any less important. I am still giving back, in probably the most valuable way that I can, in fact. This doesn't mean that other forms of volunteering aren't absolutely necessary and couldn't use my help, but for me personally, my energy and time is maybe (maybe?) best utilised by sharing my deep, intimate knowledge of a subject that most people find interesting anyway. This, coincidentally, is knowledge that just may save someone's life later, which is partly why I am so passionate about my career. It isn't filling the lofty goals of feeding the hungry, calming the distressed, providing companionship to the lonely or solace to the infirm, but maybe it still counts as something. Maybe I don't need to feel so guilty.
So, on that note, perhaps it is time that I give myself some credit and think of my contributions as meaningful. Right now, honestly, my outreach activities are one of my guilty pleasures. I get to take (some) work time to do something I consider extremely rewarding and fun, which also happens to give back to the community. Maybe I need to reframe that guilty pleasure activity in my mind, and view it as something meaningful that I am giving, rather than taking for myself.
Perhaps giving doesn't have to feel hard to be important. Maybe giving in a way that feels easy to you is actually the best way
to give back.
Thoughts?
