Windfalls Are No Good If Your Money Habits Are Unhealthy

Lottery jackpots. Inheritances. Bank robberies. And now, long-awaited government benefits. These are all on my list of windfalls that don't matter, not if you aren't financially healthy to begin with.

We all know the stories of the million dollar lotto winners who end up destitute, lives ruined. Time will tell, but I'm starting to see that the long-awaited government benefits that my Dad was given for his exposure to Agent Orange during his service in Vietnam may fall into that camp in some regard, after all. It's such a high to think of the amazing potential of what that money could do for them. But reality hardly ever matches potential.

I know what I would do with that money. I have this ten point plan in case I ever win it big...not that I play the lotto that often, but you know...I can dream. The main indulgence I allow myself, post-lotto win, is never flying coach again. :)

So, to recap what has been going on in Casa Sense:

About a month ago, parents found out they'd get a significant chunk of change each month through VA benefits, plus some coverage of my Dad's medical procedures going forward. Regarding back payments and prior medical coverage, I am honestly not sure on the details. I am trying to piece it together without asking too many questions. Dad offers up info, but he is not reliable. For example, my mom's plan is to:
1) pay off debts (last I checked, they were around $50K - $75K)
2) pay off house ($120K)
3) divert a good amount of money to her retirement accounts while 1) and 2) are happening.

Dad seems to think:
1) the debts are paid off already, so he can move on to
2) bank $50K, THEN
3) pay off the house
4) meanwhile, he is throwing around cash like it is no tomorrow. The other day, he came home with $630 of useless electronic equipment that he had no idea how to use, and that the salesperson had told him would help boost the cell phone signal (when Dad actually was trying to get on our wi-fi, which was messed up because Mom's new computer shut everyone else out of the wireless connection when she was setting it up--but more on that later!). Exactly how is that going to help complete 2) and 3)?

I already know that he has gotten more credit cards, something Mom didn't allow pre-benefits. He is just too irresponsible. He also has crazy plans to buy something that is about 4x the amount of monthly benefits he gets. If he signs up for payments on stuff, that will eat away at all of the money very fast.

And, Mom's laptop went bonkers and died on her recently. She only uses it to play solitaire and pay bills online. And, once in a while, Skype me or send me an email with the terrifying subject line "Hurry home!" (everything was fine...but my laptop took forever to open that email, and I was cursing and strategising how to get a plane ticket as fast as possible, and how to miss work, the whole time). In any case, instead of taking my suggestion of getting a quality, refurbished computer with an in-built warranty from the well-reputed computer repair shop up the road, she ran out and bought the fanciest computer I've ever seen. And she doesn't even know how to use it. The other day, her computer had a .pdf on it, and she didn't realize she didn't have to print it out to save the contents. All she had to do was File-->Save. She also doesn't know what the Escape key is, or where it is. Or what a screenshot is. Or...or...

What is good for the goose is good for the gander, or vice versa, I suppose. Dad knows even less about computers, but he saw Mom's new one and ran out and bought his own, the same kind. Without consulting my mom. Gah. He is tech-averse to such a degree that it is scary. He needs that fancy computer even less than my mom.

Sigh. I mean, I cannot blame them for wanting nice things after being poor and on the brink of losing their house for so long. Yet, I do not think their habits or behaviour, post-windfall, is conducive to solving their issues, either. Maybe they'll get back on track after a while, but since my Dad didn't listen when things were tight, I feel like he'll listen even less now.

Maybe my plan to only have to support myself is just not feasible. I'll have to wait and see a little bit longer.

Talk --> Action

Pardon my language, but shit: it is getting real now.

I have an official meeting set up in my home state at a University to talk about a PhD or a collaboration between them and NZ. I'm getting a tour of their facilities and introduced to the faculty, and attending a grad student get-together (planned before I was coming, but now talking to me is on their meeting agenda).

I had a follow up meeting from my conversation with someone here in NZ. I have never seriously considered a PhD until this guy offered it to me. Even when my amazing boss talked about it with me, my gut always told me no. But this guy? He is like my PhD whisperer--for the first time ever, I am getting a little bit excited about the idea. He is saying all the right things, and I think working with him would be both extremely challenging and really fun and good. My gut is liking the idea, as long as I also work with my current amazing boss. It would require me staying in NZ, though. But, hopefully, I could figure out a way to work over in the US sometimes, and make lots of contacts there to eventually transition. This guy knows lots of people there. I might actually do it! Shoot me! I do keep looking for cracks, though: A motive (beyond the fact that he needs a student to look good and get papers). A glimpse of dishonesty or manipulation. A few of my good friends have had bad experiences with him or just plain don't like him. I've never seen that side...

I think what is getting me is that he isn't just offering the PhD. He is volunteering to contact all sorts of people in the US for me. Even though it gets him nothing...

In any case, as I told him, I'm STOKED. I was just so flattered and grateful that someone else was trying to help me that actually had connections. My boss would have done the same thing if she could, but she doesn't know exactly the right people. This guy just immediately hopped on to it. Maybe that's his strategy to hook me?! Show me what he can do? And then lay down the hammer...

Ah well. I have six weeks to think about it; I'm off to the US later this week! Let my summer begin!

Best Week Ever!

Man, I'm really on a lucky streak the past few days! I am feeling AWESOME!

Not only are things with my parents' financial situation going well, but I've been bombarded with good options for my future. I guess they aren't real options yet...but they are definitely proto-options, in the sense that many someones (other than me) are thinking and dreaming up ways to make my goals a reality. My plans now are public and have momentum. Simply awesome.

Now that the PhD is edging back towards the table, what with me not having to worry so much about my family's situation, I've gotten offers for supervision from a gazillion places and people. In Japan, someone came up to me after one of my presentations and basically offered me a PhD in England, with full funding and everything. Throughout my time here, I've met so many wonderful scientists who have offered to take me on, but it was always a bar conversation, not a formal offer, and I was never actually considering them, since I had a job that I loved. Now, with the financial difficulties and uncertain future of my position, I am starting to consider the option. These conversations are still bar conversations, with a follow up of: I will write you an amazing recommendation letter if you go elsewhere, but please consider my offer; Regardless of if you agree to be my student, I will pull strings to get you anywhere you want to be because I've seen what you can do; I have contacts at every organisation you want to work at; I promise to be an amazing supervisor whose door is always open, send me your CV to send to [this amazing, respected scientist], come talk to me in my office this week, etc. I can't deny that I am feeling a bit excited about all the attention. I now have people I really respect actually competing to get me to be their student. Does that feel good or what?! People think I'm smart! *sigh of relief*

In addition, I've started writing emails to folks overseas (ie, the US). One is interested in getting me to do a PhD at a University that is about a 4 hours' drive away from my parents. That supervisor would want to collaborate with my bosses here in NZ, which would be awesome. I also found out that an employee is leaving a prime position at a prestigious organisation in DC--where I want to be!--so I met the person in charge in Japan recently, and have written to him as well. There are funding issues there; my boss in NZ is fully in favour of me splitting my time between DC and NZ, and being partially funded by NZ and DC organisations, transitioning slowly to full-time DC when my NZ project ends in a few years. That actually is the best of both worlds...but insanely complicated to figure out. I hope to meet both of these people (DC and potential PhD supervisor) while I am at home for the next month and a half.

But anyway, I've done almost everything I can do right now to explore my options. That feels good. I'm going to take the next six weeks to decide what my focus should be in the next year or two. PhD? If so, where--US or NZ (with many opps to work in US, and therefore, hang out w/ family)? If the US, East Coast (where there are only one or two options but my family) or West Coast, where most of the experts are, and my chosen topic of study, too? What would the PhD be in, exactly? How could I incorporate my gazillion interests into one project? And would I be happy? Happier than if I went for a low level position, like I'm in now and LOVE, and stayed there? I have a million reservations about PhD's in general, still.

And then there's this run of male attention lately. I have NO IDEA what is going on, but I am working it! In Japan, we spent a week with a bunch of colleagues, and one very nice, smart, cute dude became completely taken with me for whatever reason. (I have no idea. I wasn't trying at all.) Nothing will happen--he has a girlfriend! But the attention was really nice and I enjoyed it. He'll be at another function I'm going to later this year. Secondly, an old guy friend has been writing me long letters saying nice things (but he lives very far away), and another guy here in NZ has also been courting me via Facebook (but he is about a decade younger). Last night I ran into my crush from earlier this year and we left things on a positive note (but I am going home for 6 weeks, so...I hope he remembers me when I come back!). And then today, I met up with my girlfriends for brunch, and this guy came over to me as he was leaving to say that he was completely mesmerized by me. I didn't want to give out my number, so I gave him my email address. Craziness!! I have never ever had that happen. So far, being 35 equals a ton of interested men. And I am not complaining.

So, good family, job options, work, friends, and romantic situations and a stable life in general means that I am one incredibly lucky, happy person right now. I am trying to capture and remember this feeling in this post as I know that this is extremely rare and probably won't last very long. One plus to being my age is that I know to memorize and relish the highs.

Some good news about my family...FINALLY!

After getting back from Japan, I called my parents. After informing them about my latest health issues (which are continuing, but (I think) getting better?), they quietly told me some extremely good news: my father was granted VA benefits.

You have absolutely no idea how amazing that is. How long I've wanted a break for them like this. How long they have fought, struggled, and prayed for some relief from their struggles, the least of which is financial. 

My, as well as their, relief is palpable. I think that they are in shock, actually. My normally very loud and talkative father didn't say too much about it at first. It's been a few weeks now, and finally, they are starting to talk to me about it more. 

When they told me the news--he was granted the benefits they have been applying for for over 7 years--I didn't really know what that meant. My dad talks a LOT, has a LOT of plans, is full of get rich quick schemes and attempts, most of which just end up with him making the situation worse. So when the news came, I didn't know what to think. Maybe that it was a little bit more each month, or a little help with the medical bills or something. It was too much to hope that it would significantly change their status and worry.

But this. The magnitude of what this means for my family...it turns out that it is a total game-changer. I'm still reluctant to believe it, like fully relaxing means that the other shoe will drop, or something. The news almost makes me more fearful than before. What if we have hope finally, and then it is snatched away?

My father has been sick for about 15 years. Before he suddenly couldn't walk, couldn't breathe, couldn't eat most of anything, he owned his own thriving, successful business, its success fully dependent upon his expertise and his manpower. My dad was a hulk--a force--and none of us, least of all him, ever thought that that would change. Certainly not at 45 years of age. 

At the time, my mom worked full time in a very low-paying but professional career in order to pay for part of my college tuition, and myself and my sister and she all pitched in and answered phones, did the books, wrote checks, did taxes, etc. for my dad's business. The business was making over $100K a year, but they poured all that money back into the business and overpaid the always-down-on-their-luck workers, whom my dad took pity on and gave a job when no one else wouldn't, and didn't buy disability insurance. Because my dad was extremely fit and competent. Never had an issue his whole life. No reason to ever think that anything bad would happen.

The sudden drop in income after he got sick started a spiral that has lasted to this day. Were it not for generous grandparents (my mom's parents), I would have had to drop out of college my third year in order to help pay the bills. They also kept my parents' house from being lost. But it is my mom who has sacrificed the most.

After getting ill, my dad still spent like he was making $100K a year, and 15 years later, that reality still hasn't really set in. He still takes the emergency credit card from my mom and spends like he has all the money in the world. This makes them fight and causes unbearable tension, understandably. At 63, my mom is working full time and driving 2 hours a day, rain or shine on back roads, to and from work in order to keep food on the table, my dad's medical needs met, my sister's needs met, and a roof over their heads. She has done that drive every workday for the past 6 years, in order to stay employed by the state government, and eventually get more out of her pension. She has given up SO MUCH. What she makes can't cover the bills. Their cc debt is humongous. Their medical bills are ginormous. And still my dad spends, on things he thinks will bring in money later on. What this illness and financial strife really means is that my mom has to work until she dies, in order to a) pay off the bills, and b) to make sure my dad has health insurance, because he is not eligible for anything on his own. No life insurance or health insurance companies will even touch him.  

My mom tries to handle the bills and deal with all this as best she can, but you can see, hear, and feel the toll it has taken on her mental and physical health. Not only dealing with and taking care of a sick husband, but dealing with someone who sneaks around and spends bill money, meaning she has to work even longer and harder, and the fact that they are the same person. How to feel about that person? Sad, angry? Both?

OK, back to the present. The money is significant. It is enough to start paying off their cc bills. It is enough to start paying their medical bills. It is enough that they can start thinking about paying off the house. 

It is enough that my mom can start thinking about retiring. 

You guys. That is huge, big, relieving, wonderful, amazing. Selfishly, it means that I, also, can stop worrying about them so much, and start thinking (more) about my own future without having to factor them in my future budget as much. I might be able to think about my PhD now. I might think about getting married and having kids, even. Before, the thought of having to pay for my parents' house and well being, plus my sister, plus myself was it. That was all I could handle. Now, maybe I can have more possible dependents in my life, or start just worrying about mainly myself only. 

There is, of course, a catch. The money only comes in while my dad is still alive. According to the doctors, this is not long. Which is why I want to move back so much. 

If my dad passes, my mom will stop getting the monthly income, though he has been sick for 15 years. And she will be left to pay all the bills leftover on her own, plus deal with the house, and my sister, on her own. In that scenario, we are worse off than before, because we'll be dealing with the same shiz, but without my dad. So he just has to hang in there, even though he is in pain. What a terrible thing, to wish that a loved one would live longer with increasing pain. But it really is our only hope. That he lasts long enough for my mom to get on her feet, and be able to save up enough to retire and do everything that she's been dreaming of doing for the past 30 years.

The kicker is that, even after all that, their first reaction to getting more income was to offer to pay for my flights home. I kindly refused, but how generous in spirit are they? I may tell them to put that money in a pot for Christmas, for all of us to spend on each other, though. My mom relievedly described how she no longer has to worry about picking up a $3 item at the grocery store anymore, not have to go from week to week just barely getting by and only buying things that are absolutely necessary. Oh, how we all have been there during our debt days, right, PF bloggers?! But she has lived like that for a decade and a half. 

In any case, on the whole, this is fantastic news. MONUMENTAL. I can't wait to go home and celebrate a bit with them--I'm heading home in a few weeks for a 6 week vacation, courtesy of having 80% of a job. :)

Fund Update, half way through 2013

Thought it was time to check in...I'm too tired to do the whole Net Worth thing right now, but that's coming.

COMPLETED FUNDS (LIQUID CASH)
$10K NZD Emergency Fund
$100 NZD Bonus Bonds
$726.28 NZD Insurance Fund
$3K NZD 2013 US Trip Fund
$3K NZD 2014 US Trip Fund
$4370.05 NZD Slush Fund
$3K NZD Taxable Acct Vanguard Fund
$3K NZD Move to US Fund

$5K USD Roth Fund
$4205 USD Move back to US Fund

ONGOING FUNDS (LIQUID CASH)
Short term
$1094.84 NZD Farewell friends down under tour
$525.76 NZD Sanity Fund

Long term
$5005 NZD House DP (over 10% of the way to buying a house!)
$5005 NZD Europe Trip (over 38% of the way there!)
$750 NZD Taxable Retirement Fund

Ah, Networking

At my work gig in Japan, I met a LOT of people who could help me move my career back to the US. I managed to met one or two very key people, even, and gave them my business card, as well as articulating my wish to work with/for them. Now, how do I follow up? I usually opt for an email. But how do you write an email to someone you met once? Hey, nice to meet you, and by the way, I need something from you now? Because that is what it feels like.

I write all the normal things to remind them of our connection, what we talked about, my background, etc., how lovely it was to meet them, and then, BLAM-O, I have to close. And that is where I get awkward and say things like: 'I'm looking to move into the area that you are working in, please let me know if you hear of any opportunities that may fit my skillset! I can forward my resume if that would help.' It just feels disingenuous, like the first half of the email is fake. And it IS fake. Would I be writing them if I thought they couldn't help me? Probably not. But I guess it is necessary.

Any tips on getting over or through this uncomfortable hurdle?

July Budget

Back from Japan! See last post for photos. :)

For now, I'll go over my budget and stuff from July.

	July 2013 Budget
Category	Spent	Budgeted Amount	Balance
Rent	$840.00	$840.00	$0.00
Groceries	$277.77	$400.00	$122.23
Internet	$100.50	$60.00	-$40.50
Electricity	$112.75	$75.00	-$37.75
Eating Out	$72.80	$125.00	$52.20
Charity	$0.00	$25.00	$25.00
Cell phone	$39.00	$50.00	$11.00
Medical	$142.40	$100.00	-$42.40
Misc	$639.67	$275.00	-$364.67
Savings	$600.00	$600.00	$0.00
Total	$2,824.89	$2,550.00	-$274.89

It was pretty bad overall. Just so much to do to pack for Asia and figure stuff out, I think. My medical emergency also figured pretty heavily into the over-budgetness. :( Also super high electric and internet bills.

Just a bad month. My sis went back to the mental hospital and lost her job again this month, too.

Groceries are way under due to my trip. Once again I didn't contribute to charity.

MISC
alcohol	$    12.50
entertainment	$    53.00
exercise	$    69.00
fees	$   167.35
gifts	$    26.90
goods and wants	$   238.34
transportation	$    42.90
travel	$    42.58

I just...don't even want to go into the rest of it. I'm about $9 over my income for the month. It's ridiculous. I'm OK due to interest payments, but it's still disappointing.

A long pictorial of Japan

A covered shopping strip, south Japan

much prettier than my photos, south Japan

boxed lunch

calligraphy, sideways

being undressed after trying on a yukata

a hot foot bath in front of volcanic views

making vinegar

guiding the way

a gate

shrine spring

shring spring

getting their new car blessed

fireworks under a full moon on the harbour

Osaka station

downtown Kyoto, where we saw geisha and maiko scurrying to their appointments

a typical squat bathroom

romantic Japan

romantic Japan

Shadows

feeding a macacque

baby monkey

traditional views

a massive bamboo forest

fan shop! Nara

a sacred deer at Nara

five story pagoda

the big buddha

Just...pretty

Just...pretty

reflections

fake plastic food

shinkansen

shinkansen

shinkansen

inside the stained glass tower, Hakone

inside the stained glass tower, Hakone

another gate, and tied bad fortunes

hope they get the bid!

Tokyo Harajuku fashions

Tokyo Harajuku fashions

Famous street

famous Shibuya crossing

Downtown Tokyo

traditional Tatami mat room

Sick?

I just returned from a trip to Japan recently (sorry for being neglectful of my blog and generally MIA for the last little while). It was partly a work trip, then I traveled afterward (pics up later!). I've been pretty sick lately, and I can't for the life of me figure out what is going on! I hope something more major isn't going on.

My budget for July is pretty bad, too. I had a medical emergency the day before I left for Japan.

I am going to sound like a hypochondriac, but this is my list.

1. Normal hypothyroid shiz. It's winter, and I feel awful, as usual. Tired, lethargic, sleeping way too long, can't get out of bed at a decent hour. My hormone levels are all over the place. One month they're insanely too high, the next within the normal range. Only the 'highs' have gotten really out of control, to the point that they are about twice the limit that they normally treat. Only they won't treat me until I have two or three tests in a row (over a year or so) that are too high. I'm dying here.

2. My stupid shoulders. Tendonitis struck both of them out of nowhere earlier this year. They thought I'd broken my humerus. I've been in physio since Feb but they still hurt and are not better. I can't do cartwheels or pushups or anything without tweaking them.

3. I did fieldwork last year and contracted giardasis. It's gross, don't look it up. It's from contaminated water on an uninhabited farming island near Auckland. Last November I took antibiotics to treat it, and it worked fine. I went back to that island a month or so ago for work and was EXTREMELY careful not to do anything except shower in the water. But I guess when you wash your hands and cups and utensils and stuff in contaminated water, they get contaminated too. There wasn't really a choice in the matter, though. I started to feel funny again after my second visit, so I asked the doc to prescribe me more antibiotics. I took them, and I think they caused what happened next, because I'd never ever felt that awful before in my life. No one else on either trip contracted the bug, which is really puzzling.

4. The day before I had to leave for Japan, I was supposed to take my second to last and last antibiotics pill, having to take 3 of them a day for a week. I had never had anything but an optical migraine before--the kind where you see flashy lights and can't really see, and have to close your eyes for a half hour. I always felt a little weird after those episodes, but never had the whole headache thing. The day before I was supposed to board the plane for an 11 hour flight, though, I woke up feeling weird. I was really tired, and was nauseated, and couldn't read words or make sense of what they meant. It took me about a half hour to write a two sentence work email. At that point, I didn't feel horrible, just odd and queasy. Then the optical migraine happened, and I tried to sleep it off for a half hour like I usually do. Then I woke up and felt even worse, with a bad headache and really feeling like I was going to be ill. So then I decided to sleep it off even longer. I woke up again and felt EVEN WORSE. It was agony. I thought I was having a stroke or something--my head felt like it was going to explode, and my stomach felt like I had the worst food poisoning possible, I couldn't see, and I was really dizzy. I was crying from the pain and alone, so I called my doctor to see what I should do. They said that I should come in. I took a cab ride and felt terribly nauseated after. They gave me a shot to try to subside the queasiness, and I lay down for a while. It just got worse and didn't work--I got sick in the doctor's office even though I hadn't eaten anything all day. It was about 4 pm by that point. I had to call a friend to come get me because I was so dizzy and sick and in pain, I couldn't even walk by myself. I had to go across the hall from the doctor's office to get my prescription filled, and just the motion from walking for 30 seconds over there caused me to get sick again. Just thinking about it makes me scared! I had to then endure a ride home in my friend's boyfriend's car. He was kind to do that, but he took the longest route ever, and by the time I got to my door and almost all the way up my stairs, I got sick yet again. I just collapsed after that, fell into bed and slept for hours and hours. I had to wake up at 3 am to finish packing, though, and felt like I had no choice but to go to Japan--my boss spent over $5K on this trip, and I had major work duties to fulfill over there. Luckily the pill they gave me helped the pain. I did get on the plane and suffered through the flight, but it was pretty awful. I felt weird and off for the next few days, which was bad because I had to be on point for work stuff! The heat over there made me ill, too. The doc said that the migraines could last for 2-3 days...luckily the pain did not, just the odd dizzy feeling. The doctor also said that the migraine, though I'd never had one like that EVER before, was not related to the medication I was taking...um...

5. Somewhere on the plane or during the work trip, I must have drunk some alcohol after someone that was sick, because I started coughing the third to last day of my fun trip and it has grown into a full-blown cold that isn't really getting better after 5 days. I sleep for 10 hours a day and am still tired when I wake, and am exhausted 10 hours later. I'm loathe to go back to the doctor for the third time in a month, though.

6. The day I flew back from Japan, I was on a train for 2.5 hours and I started feeling really queasy and dizzy again, but didn't have headache pain. I just thought it was motion sickness, and took a pill. I had taken that pill before and it worked a charm, so I thought I'd be right as rain in a half hour or so. What actually happened was that I was still very queasy but got insanely tired as well. I walked very very slowly through the airport and had to stop so many times to ride out a wave of nausea. TMI, but I had to pee like every second even though I wasn't drinking that much. So weird. I took the migraine meds that the doc gave me, and an hour or so later, I was feeling a tiny bit better and made it through the 11 hour plane ride feeling pretty bad, once again.

So something feels really wrong and off. My immune system is acting like it is compromised. I do take really good care of myself though! I always floss, have something green with every meal and am managing my meals, am a really healthy weight, and have a good work out routine. I don't have a car, so I walk everywhere. I ventilate my room with clean air each day (A/C makes me more susceptible to colds, I have found). I *should* be extremely healthy. There is no reason my body should be revolting like this. I'm kind of worried that I'll go back to the US and then not be able to hold down a job, esp. since my current one allows me all sorts of flexibility with my hours and tasks and work from home abilities. What employer would hire or keep someone who is constantly sick? Whenever I describe my ailments to a doctor, they always just say it is due to stress or is normal or whatever and I'm dismissed. I don't know what to do.