2018 GOALS: my 40th year

Last year, I said I wanted 2017 to be about balance for utmost happiness. Balancing my health with work/PhD, and making a concerted effort to identify the things within my control that make me happiest, and doing those things. I definitely made some major changes: I finished a therapy course, started seeing a private therapist, and made some significant strides in both how I feel about myself and progress in my PhD, which was weighing me down, man. I also have effectively cut out a very significant friendship that was becoming increasingly toxic. I guess you could say 2017 was a rebuilding year, and now I'm ready to start winning.

My main goals in 2017 were to go to bed earlier, wake up earlier, and take care of myself (floss, sleep enough, exercise, hydrate, take my vitamins, wear SPF and moisturize daily, stretch, take breaks at work, meditate/deep breathing, eat healthy/plan meals, etc. etc.). I mainly needed to work on:

1. fixing my sleep schedule to more normal times, and
2. exercising.

The biggies, really. In the past few weeks in November 2017, I have done pretty well on #1. Now that summer is here, I hope #2 will be forthcoming. I feel like I've laid the foundation in 2017 to accomplish these goals in 2018.

Next year (2018) I will be 40. It is probably time for me to consider adulthood in a more serious way, and concentrate on doing the things that I dislike but that I know that I need to do. The hardest part of self-love is being reasonable and grown up about things--being compassionate for my future self rather than addressing my short-term needs first. It is tough love time.

To that end, I have two Main Goals this year:

1. Go to bed earlier, wake up earlier--consistently. 
2. Hire a personal trainer and incorporate more exercise into my life.

Of course I have other goals. I wouldn't be ME without a number of goals!


Financial Goals

1. Review 5, 10, and 20 year financial goals and make sure I'm on track to achieve these.
2. Revise 2018 budget, taking into account my 2017 budget failures and successes, and #1, above.
3. Review my NZ retirement allocations.
4. Review my US retirement allocations.
5. Review insurances, will, and Master Financial documents.
6. Get the above in a specific place that only my trusted loved ones know how to find in case of an emergency.
7.    File US taxes.
8.    File state taxes.
9. File NZ taxes. (mid May PTS; paid out in mid-June). Expect ~$520 back. Rec'd July 2018.
10. Renew basic Renter's insurance (including public liability). In 2017, it was $12K for $350 and $1K excess. 
11. Renew disability insurance.
    
12. When I am in the US in Sept/Oct, check Experian and Equifax credit reports from the US. Check TransUnion after October 13 2018. Continue to check in on my scores quarterly via CreditKarma. (Note for future years: Equifax made me call in: 877-322-8228 to order my report--they refused me online.)
13. Use airpoints for US trip in 2018; work it in with Italy trip.    
14. Apply for cc's strategically: see here. Completed 5 August 2018!
15. Save $500/mo to long-term House DP goal.
16. Split monthly overages between Italy and PhD fun Funds.
17. Track every penny and stay out of debt.
18. Track peer to peer lending and contribute more $$ to high risk loans to maximize interest profits. July 2018 update: added $1K more to kitty to play with, for a total of $2.5K.

Travel/Experiences/Social

1.  Beat Stranger Danger: go to one meetup or other event where I know no one every quarter (Jan - Mar; April - June; July - Sept; Oct - Dec). Q1: acquaintance's bday party Q2: another acquaintance's birthday party & aerial yoga; Q3: 
2.  Do Coast-to-Coast hike.
3.  Road trip around East Cape Feb 2017. Attend Art Deco Festival in Napier.
4.  4 day weekend on Waiheke March 2017.
5.  Visit Italy for work and fun--travel around.
6.  Visit family in US.
7.  Re-plan Coromandel exploration trip for later in the year?
8. Maintain a list of meetups that look interesting and fun things to do with friends.
9.  Find something to do for Xmas and New Year's Eve 2018.

Learning/Projects

1. Try a new (social) skill every quarter, or pick up old hobby. Invite interested friends to try particular classes: pole dancing, hip hop, other dance, aerial yoga, etc.
2. Go to the Stardome using all the passes I have by May 2018 (expiry date). This site is neat for exploring the constellations. Update: Nope, I unfortunately let those passes expire. Got sick and then got too busy with work.

Career

1. Update my CV, LinkedIn, Twitter, blog, staff page, and Researchgate profiles for work in January and July.
2. Get colleagues/friends to check ease of use and professionalism of career blog/website.
3. Collaborate with educators/policy makers to improve curricula/public outreach. Spend 1 day /quarter on outreach and volunteering my time.
4.  Get details re: volunteering for affiliated work charity. Time commitment, location, dates, etc. how much can I miss?
5.  Apply for one grant or award.
6.  Give one public outreach talk. 
7.  Present at one conference. 
8.  Guide one field trip.
9.  Grant one media interview.
10.  Submit first paper for PhD.
11.  Use behaviour tests to reduce avoidance/procrastination.
12.  Make achievable, detailed plan with supervisors for the year.
13.  Notice when I am being exceptionally harsh on myself and use my compassionate, kind voice instead of my self-critical voice.

Medical/Physical/Mental Health

1. *Go to bed earlier (by 1 am) and wake up earlier (by 9 am). Schedule meetings for early in the day so it forces me to wake up earlier.    
2. *Hire a personal trainer to work on strength, arm and stomach tone, and general flexibility. Sign up for gym training sessions: learn how to do the splits, ab and arm exercises. ETA: have done so, and have created a workout plan that works around my injuries to do at home every day. Will check in with him once a quarter or so.
3. Develop a stretch and exercise routine at home.
4. Make a habit out of doing stretch and exercise routines every day.
5. Continue weekly meal planning.
6. Track time, ID inefficiencies, and schedule my days.
7. Fifteen minutes organisational/plan/review specific goals every day--make daily, weekly, and monthly goal lists to review during this time
8. Floss every day.
9. Get normal yearly check up: thyroid levels checked. Get lumps on scalp removed. Update: scheduled for end July.
10. Get preliminary exam with suggested LASIK eye doc before birthday. Update: LASIK scheduled for end July.
11. Go to the dermatologist for mole check (grab mole map from existing--creepy--dermo for $40). Look on Grabone or Groupon for a deal. http://moleman.co.nz/services/? Update: creepy dermo deleted my skin check but "offered" to do another one for free. Ew. Nope. New appt scheduled for end July.
12. Get free flu shot at work (early-mid 2018)
13. Get dental check up. ETA: scheduled for May. Another one scheduled for December b/c I need twice a year cleanings now.
    
14. Pray/Meditate a few minutes every day. Use HeadSpace every day/vary time of day to test.
15. Fill out gratitude journal every day.
16. Treat yo'self! Every month, schedule some luxury me-time in the midst of super stressful PhD life. Check Grabone and Groupon for deals.
           January: ?
            February: Napier trip
           March: Waiheke trip
            April: eyebrow waxes, cityhop car
            May: massages
            June: bought myself a heated Shiatsu massage pillow
            July: LASIK and Float Tank
            August:
            September:
            October:
            November:
            December:
17. Find new physio.
18. Take a work out class: pilates, tennis, weight/strength training, stretch class, dance, aerial silks?
19. Set reminders on work computer to move around more during the work day/take breaks. 
20. Continue seeing therapist at least once a month.
21. Make a list of microresolutions to tackle. Continue to tackle PhD issues, but also issues of time management, confidence around work, why I rush/procrastinate, and how to cope with change and being single at 40+.
22. Re-write my Foodist Kitchen 30 Day Challenge into one for Exercise.
23. Re-write my Foodist Kitchen 30 Day Challenge into one for Sleep.
24. Try a shorter version of an elimination diet like Whole30 or Perfect Diet. 
25. Look into volunteer opportunities.

Other

1. Back up home computer and Surface Pro times a year: March/June/September/December.
2. Test that google back up goodsync is working to back up my google drive at work.
3. Identify staple pieces for wardrobe: Joanna Gaines Blog 1
4. Work on ancestry book for both sides of family.
5. Consider re-logging general mood and correlating habits (sleep, food, hormones) for another 3 months now that I'm in therapy and once I have made progress on my sleep and exercise goals.
6. Analyse previous mood diary for patterns/correlative factors.
7. Treat eczema, avoid twirling my hair (I think I'm going bald in one spot!).
8. Start thinking about 2019 goals. (see below)

*priorities for 2018

New Fund Goal!

I have been crazy busy at work lately so haven't had ANY time to spend money. This means I've socked away enough moolah to fulfill all my short-term goals. Time to make new ones? I hear you!

Here they are:

1. $3K Italy Trip. Work is sending me to Italy next year and I fully intend on taking advantage of the free flights. A few colleagues and I already have plans to travel around afterward. I'm devoting $3K to my around-Italy fund (I will probably stop in London on the way home to the US for a visit, too--I have a very good friend there).

Throughout the year I make a list of things that I would like to accomplish in the future. As a result, 2018 already has a ton of goal ideas associated with it. I went through those goal ideas and have added some funds that will make it easier to accomplish those goals:

2. Personal Trainer Funds--amount TBD. Looking on various websites, I can see the initial training assessment and baseline measurements will cost ~$60, a tailored fitness program will cost another $30, and who knows how much it costs for the bi or tri-weekly personal trainings that I want! For now, until I have a better idea of the costs, it is TBD. I have already deposited $200 into that fund, though. That should be enough to get started.

For the record, here are my funds:
Completed:
$10K EF
$140 Bonus Bonds
$1K Insurances Fund
$3K 2018 US Trip
$3K 2019 US Trip
$800 DSLR Fund
$5K LASIK
$13K Europe Travel Fund
$500 Peer to peer lending

Also in the works (in addition to the new funds, above):
$1630 PhD Fun Fund (also covers things like therapy/destressing activities)

October 2017 Budget Review

It's that time again.

Honestly, after 10 years of these, I'm getting kinda bored. I have been skipping months this year, which attests to that fact. As fun as it is to see my Net Worth grow every month, nothing really major ever happens, and I think I know what I'm doing now!

Ah well. Here we go:

	Oct 2017 Budget
Category	Spent	Budgeted Amount
Rent	$900.00	$900.00
Groceries	$450.71	$430.00
Internet	$26.33	$26.33
Electricity	$61.28	$50.00
Eating Out	$124.00	$150.00
Charity	$0.00	$50.00
Cell phone	$17.00	$25.00
Medical	$34.99	$90.00
Misc	$574.96	$700.00
Savings	$500.00	$500.00
Total	$2,689.27	$2,921.33
Remainder	$1,975.74

Income: $4,665.01

It was a 3 paycheck month, which meant that my income was pretty phenomenal. Since I'm so used to making much less, I kept my spending in my pants. As a consequence, I'm pretty much within budget for most items.

MISC
alcohol	$          28.00
entertainment	$               -
exercise	$               -
fees	$            1.01
gifts	$               -
goods and wants	$          69.20
transportation	$        194.02
travel	$        282.73

Half of the misc spending went towards paying for a summer house rental and 4 day road trip with a friend next February. We're going to a friend's wedding, then checking out East Cape! I've never been so I'm stoked.

Savings Goals

This month I managed to clear out a few more goals--I'm 100% on my LASIK and DSLR goals, and reached 75% of my house downpayment.


Net Worth Time!

$144,085.58 (Treating USD and NZD as the same currency)
$117,849.30 NZ Net Worth
$26,485.38   US Net Worth

My net worth in USD is about $79K (using 0.70 NZD per 1 USD conversion rate)

NW since tracking began		(DEC 2014)
	NW Dec 2014	This month	Difference ($)	Difference (%)
NET WORTH (same)	104128.75	144085.58	39956.83	38.37
NZ Net Worth	82442.59	117849.3	35406.71	42.95
US Net Worth	21219.15	26485.28	5266.13	24.82
Change from last month:	Last Month	This Month	Difference ($)	Difference (%)
NET WORTH (same)	139405.7	144085.58	4679.88	3.36
NZ Net Worth	113667.55	117849.3	4181.75	3.68
US Net Worth	25987.15	26485.28	498.13	1.92

Sept & Oct 2017 Goals

Quite late, but:


I'll keep working on my two main goals for 2017:

1. Wake up/go to bed earlier. Use LeechBlock + try meditating at night. I'm examining what keeps me up so late in therapy. I think if I made myself meditate/deep breathe, I would get sleepy enough to calm my racing mind and I'd drop off easier.
2. Incorporate more movement into my days. I use break software to help with this. I've also pledged to walk at least 21 min/day (science says this helps increase well-being and boost moods, something I desperately need right now. It also has a ton of other health and community benefits).



Other on-going goals/projects for Sept/Oct:

1. Keep up with once a week cooking.
2. Update Master Document and replace this online.
3. Update my CV, LinkedIn, Twitter, blog, staff page, and Researchgate profiles for work. Strip my Researchgate profile but keep account.
4. Make weekly goals.
5. Think about a Destination Christmas, close to NZ. Where to go? And who would come with me?
6. Monthly PhD treat: car share bookings
7. Go to therapy appointment.
8. Renew passport. Half-done. As of 26 Sept, have submitted the check, form, passport photo, and self-addressed envelope. See: https://nz.usembassy.gov/u-s-citizen-services/how-to-renew-a-passport/.

 

The meaning of voting with your dollars

With all of the disasters happening at home--both socially and naturally--and around the world, I've definitely been affected in the past few weeks:

• 1 family member evacuated Houston during Harvey
• 1 friend in Oregon got caught between 2 wildfires while hiking and was stuck overnight on the trail. 
• 1 friend and a family member are about to get hit by Irma; they are trying to evacuate but stuck on the highway in FL
• I watched this sobering news story about how 3/4 of species are on their way to extinction...because of us

 I've been thinking a lot lately about how I can help from far away. This news story was lovely and intense and shows that really anyone can be a hero.

Sometimes I wish I could quit my job and just devote all my time to helping, volunteering, or citizen science projects like this.

First, I re-searched ways that I could reduce my carbon footprint. I have heard all of them before, but I know I need to do a better job. Have fewer kids: check; don't own a car: check; become vegetarian: half-check (I don't eat meat from the most harmful contributors to climate change, cows/lamb/any red meat); buy locally and organically: half-check (I try but a lot of food in NZ comes from overseas); avoid long-haul transport: no. Maybe it was time to check my carbon footprint?

From my long-haul flights this year, I have contributed about 2 tonnes of carbon to the atmosphere (calculated using this website). From my other habits, like using electricity, I have contributed about 8 tonnes of carbon (calculated using this website. (That figure includes the electricity used by my entire household, not just me.)

So--I contributed about 10 tonnes of carbon in the past year or so. The average is about 20 tonnes, apparently. I will keep working on reducing my emissions by not having kids (easy!), taking fewer ubers/cabs/car shares, hiring electric cars when possible, eating even less meat, line drying my clothes more, washing my clothes in cold/warm water, and buying more local/organic foods. However, there is one area I don't feel comfortable reducing: my long-haul flights to see my family once a year. That small amount of time with them isn't enough as it is.

Instead of giving up my flights to see my family, I will calculate and offset ALL of my emissions every year by contributing to UN-suggested 'green' projects. For 10 tonnes, that works out to between $4.80 and $85 currently, depending on the project I choose to fund (each tonne costs from $0.48 to $8.50 USD). The projects change as they get funded. It isn't perfect but it is something.

In doing this, I realized something pretty special about the cycle of my money. I get paid from an NZ government grant, which, in turn, is funded by taxpayers. So: 1. I (and others) pay taxes from my salary. 2. I get paid from those tax dollars, and some of it goes back to the government to pay me next year. 3. In exchange for my salary/tax dollars, I contribute to society through my job, educating people and influencing policy that saves lives. 4. Depending on what I do with my money after taxes, I can feed quite a bit of it into supporting the ideals that I hold dear and that will make the world an even better place: buy local/organic. take public transport instead of cars. vegetables/fruits instead of meat. buying carefully. donating to social causes and green projects.

I had always heard the phrase 'vote with your dollars,' and agreed with the concept, but I hadn't really thought about how every time I donate to a good cause, I am basically reinvesting NZ tax payer money into something that makes the world a better place. Essentially, the good that money does is doubled--once when I am paid to do my job, and another time when a good cause gets it. Very neat!

New Trick To Meet Minimum Spend on Reward Credit Cards

Back in April/May, I had a little bit of a crisis as to how I was going to meet my $5K USD spend on my new credit card. That 5K in spending would garner me 80,000 air miles, which would be enough for a round-trip visit to the US. Usually I meet my minimum spend through carefully timed, reimbursed work purchases in addition to regular spending during my US trips, but the work purchases weren't possible this time around.

In the end, a reimbursed purchase came through, but I was scrambling there for a bit. I ended up lending Kiva.org $250 to test out this idea. It worked! The $250 counted towards my $5K spend, I got my 80K points, and now have an entire year to earn 80K more points towards my next US trip.

In addition, I was reimbursed portions of that $250 pretty quickly:

June 6: $250 lent
July 25: $100 repaid and withdrawn
August 13: $13.81 repaid and withdrawn
Sept 1: $44.44 repaid and withdrawn

$180.43, or 72%, was paid back within 3 months

(Please note that some of that withdrawn $$ could be part of the $25 I lent to Kiva awhile ago.)

Indeed, it is a proven, easy way to meet the minimum spend in a pinch. It isn't perfect--the downsides include:

• liquid capital is tied up and not earning interest
• some of the borrowers may default (it is good to spread the money around, lending $25 to many different borrowers instead of to just one, to diversify)

You can always re-lend the money paid back, but I chose to withdraw it and put it towards my credit card bills.

This has been a great experience for me so far, and it comes with the not-to-be-downplayed bonus and satisfaction of helping people at the same time. I will definitely put this trick in my arsenal for future minimum spend crises!

Cooking Log

Week of 27 August: MISTAKES WERE MADE. Made 2 Indian curries, recipes one (Chicken Biryani) and two (sweet potato and chicken indian curry). Used Korma indian curry paste, which may have been a mistake. Added broccoli to the recipes to make them healthier. Used kumara in recipe 2, which was a lot of hard chopping work. Recipe 1 turned out better upon initial taste test just after cooking. Recipe 2 was bland and boring and awful, so I added more curry paste. I ate about 1/3 of recipe 1 at lunch this week--it was really pretty awful. I had a few bites of recipe 2 and it turned out even worse, so I ended up throwing it all out. The naan bread I bought was terrible--may be a function of how it was cooked (in the microwave at work).

Week of 3 September: After last week's debacle, I need to regroup to something tried, true, and easy to build my confidence back up. I bought a whole chicken, fresh green beans, and kumaras for dinners, and pre-made pasta and sauce for lunches. Roasted the chicken and kumara (with oil and rosemary) and boiled the green beans for a half hour and prepped using this recipe. The lemon zest all melty in the warm olive oil makes this veggie dish. I also made a pasta dish and bought sauce to go over it. Too easy.

Week of  10 September: I think I feel like making something light. Soup? I'm waffling between 2 of the three here: Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato soup (can add leftover pasta, cheese, chicken to this), chicken corn chowder, or a broccoli-cheese soup (option 1 or option 2).

I ended up making the red pepper soup and broccoli soup. The latter came out almost perfect with recipe option 1. The former needed the addition of cream to make it palatable. I ending up loving the broccoli cheese soup & barely tolerating the red pepper soup. I ate the whole former but the latter went bad before I could eat it all. I felt incredibly unfull and craving protein by Thursday, though. Next time I have a soup week, it should include protein in it, or the rest of my meals should include a lot of protein (eggs for bfast, tuna/ham sandwiches for lunches maybe).

I'm already excited for next week--I'm going to try to make my 2nd favorite Thai dish, Pad See Ew w/ veggies and chicken. Recipes to combine: #1  #2  #3  #4

I may or may not get takeaway noodles this week for lunches, to be able to study the traditional ingredients and taste compare better.

Week of  17 September:  I'm going to try to make my 2nd favorite Thai dish, Pad See Ew w/ veggies and chicken. Recipes to combine: #1  #2  #3  #4

Used a combo of this recipe and my mom's lasagna recipe to make lasagna.

Made pad see ew using a modified version of the four recipes above. Added shredded carrots + zucchini and a whole package of fresh wide noodles I found at the local asian grocery. the sauce still isn't quite right--and I'm sure I'll have to add more--but it's not too bad.

Sept 25 2017 week: summer in winter chicken: https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1521/summerinwinter-chicken
added garlic and onion and a ton of zucchini I accidentally ordered via Click & collect at Countdown. Felt ill afterward--was chicken just sitting unrefrigerated for quite long before I picked it up? It was definitely cooked through...will attempt again tomorrow and see if I get sick again, there's a week's worth of food (and $100+) gone to waste if it is a fluke. ETA: I ate this the rest of the week and the effects weren't nearly as bad subsequent evenings (maybe because I put it in the microwave to cook more??), however, it did make me feel a little bloated or something afterward.

October 1 2017: cooked ham, mac n cheese, peas for dinner. zucchini + chicken quesadillas for lunch. Used frozen mac n cheese because I apparently am terrible at making mac and cheese, it takes a long time, and because I had work from 7 am - 4 pm this past Sunday. It was all I could do to pop the ham in the oven for baking--put a few cms of water in the roasting pan with the ham, covered in foil, and baked according to the instructions (about 30 min per 500 g of ham). Peas were easy--out of a can, added salt and pepper and butter. Mac n cheese was heated up in the microwave for an easy week's dinner. Monday, I chopped up the zucchini, cooked it in a tiny bit of olive oil, buttered the tortilla,  put it on the hot pan, added tomato paste (bought in small containers), spread teh tomato paste all around the tortilla, and added shredded roast chicken (bought from the deli counter), zucchini, and cheese. folded it over and cooked the other side. Yummy lunch, but probably not enough food for lunch, need to add something to this.

Tales from my One Year Cooking Experiment, Part III: The OFFICIAL Results & Some Yummy Treats

(See Parts I and II for the intro to this series, but briefly:) I started learning how to cook last year and have made it a habit to cook for the week every Sunday evening. This has been a great experiment, and now I'm excited to tell you the results and how far I've come!

Oh, How Far I've Come: The Results
This experiment has been a success!

After a year of cooking weekly, I think I've come pretty far.

• I have perfected my favorite take-out dish (Thai Yellow Curry). What was once only available to me by driving to my fave takeaway place is now an option for me to make for myself at home. That feels awesome!
• I now use real ingredients, real food. 
• I eat fewer processed foods and meals-in-a-can and zero frozen meals, though I still use a lot of condiments, some vegetables from cans, pre-made curry pastes, etc. 
• I have lost about 5-7 pounds (though I attribute that to cutting out the cheese puffs at night, not to the cooking).

Earlier this past week, I think I entered Beast Mode: I made a soup* out of some leftovers and the stuff I already had in my fridge/pantry, from two pretty different recipes, and it came out so well that I have added it to my 'to-make-on-the-regular' recipe list!


My Favorite Dishes
Oh, also?--I have a regular recipe list! That in itself is a huge accomplishment. On it include:

• modified Yellow Thai Curry
• modified Turkey-Veggie Meatloaf
• Courgette Soup
• modified Lemon-Basil Veggie Pasta
• Greek Turkey Meatballs with Dill and Tatziki Sauce
• Roast Veggies (always a favorite)
• Roast Kumara
• My Mom's Lasagna, modified to add veggies
• Roast Chicken
• Modified Creamy Pesto Chicken Pasta
• my own creation: Chicken-Tomato-Parmesan Soup*
• Honey Glazed Ham
• Crockpot Veggie Chili 
• my own creation: BBQ Chicken
• Italian-Chicken Pasta with Veggies
• Southern style Green Beans
• Salads of all kinds, but esp Apple-Roasted Walnut Salad 
• Homemade salad dressings of all kinds, but esp the simple mustard-honey vinaigrette
• Warm winter salads
• Tom Kha Gai soup

Honorable Mention
I have also learned that I LOVE the flavors from:

• deglazing the pan. 
• making a roux and creating a pasta sauce out of it. 
• the caramelization that happens in meats and veggies (esp kumaras!!) in the oven. 
• mixing garlic salt, olive oil, lemon, and pepper and adding it on veggies
• replacing normal pasta noodles with zucchini and carrot and other veggie spiral noodles 

The D-List
Lest you think I am cured, here are all the things I've made that I've hated (not all because I'm a mediocre cook, though!):

• Zucchini-Parmesan Chips (SO much work for soggy nastiness)
• Brussel Sprouts (I have made them six ways to Sunday, hated 'em all)
• Squash Soup (too much work and ended up too sweet)
• sweet potato and carrot soup (again, too sweet for me)
• mashed potatoes (yes, somehow I messed this up--I need to try it again)
• mac n cheese (I blame the bland cheese in New Zealand. It's awful. Will keep trying.)
• my spaghetti (again, I blame some of the ingredients in NZ--I need to try to make my own sauce from scratch, I think)
• all of my fish dishes (I think I just don't really like fish)
• Chicken satay sauce (ended up WAY TOO SWEET)
• Indian curries (2 types; I think I just don't like traditional Indian spices)

The Future Smells Yummy
I have plans to make my own Indian curry next week, and I really want to experiment with cabbage dishes and making my own biscuits and curry pastes at some point. I also want to modify my diet to be more like the Whole30 or Perfect Health diets.

While I still don't like cooking on the whole, I at least have a few things I'm looking forward to playing around with, a few meals I can fall back on, and can feel great that I have made some dishes my own.


So, I'm Better Than Before: I'll Take It!
Contrast this picture above to the me from 2008:

• Cooking is not my forte
• Cooking Update

Yay! I am officially a better version of myself than before (in this regard, at least!). I wouldn't go so far as to say that learning to cook and implementing my once-a-week cooking schedule has changed my life, but it has certainly made my work-weeks easier and made me feel more like a normal human being. One deserving of respect and love and all the good things. I live in hope that one day I will be able to meal plan and throw together some food with almost no thought or effort, and can resume doing other stuff on Sundays again.

Til then, let's all keep cookin', good-lookin'.


(Feel free to share your fave recipes below!)

Tales from my One-Year Cooking Experiment, Part II: The Magic Fairy Dust That Makes It All Work

(See Part I for the intro to this post--but to briefly sum it up:) For the first time, I learned how to cook and started cooking dinners for the week on Sundays last year, and it has been a huge learning process. Here is what I've learned, and what has worked for me:

Mental Energy Regulation & Conservation is Key
Though I have been successful in implementing my once a week cooking for about a year, don't get me wrong--cooking is still a chore and constant energy-suck. I still sometimes have to drag myself out of my bed/watching shows on my laptop on Sundays to do it. I have learned a lot about myself and my energy levels through this process.

A few times, I went out with friends on a Sunday to do something. When I got home, I had no energy at all to cook. I am an introvert, so even friends can sometimes drain me of energy. On those weeks, I reverted to my old ways: reheating stuff up from a can, ordering expensive and/or unhealthy takeaways like Pizza Hut and Thai delivery, throwing insta-meals together, and last minute rushes to the overpriced convenience store next door to grab junk food. I have learned: if I have another activity on Sunday, that means there is no energy left to cook. I have learned to be very, very strict about keeping Sundays free. I am not able to plan ANYTHING except the bare minimum on Sundays. It does cripple my social life a bit.

I've also tried grocery shopping or cooking on week nights in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure off of the weekends. Unfortunately, during the work week, I have even less time/energy than I do on the weekends. This strategy doesn't work. Anything extra I have to put energy towards doing during the work week cuts into the energy I have to work, big time, so I HAVE to get cooking, etc. done on the weekends.

I also have tried doing the shop and cooking on the same day--it cannot be done. Again, my energy levels can't support that level of activity, and I end up a useless blob on Sunday AND at work on Monday.

I have made some progress, though: at first, I couldn't do any social activities on the weekend without it hurting my meal planning and cooking process. Now, I am able to work in a social activity on a Friday or Saturday, as long as I get my other chores and meal plan and grocery shops done. Sundays, however? They are to be kept pristine and free of any other energy-sucks.


I Need to Express My Creativity or Else I Get Bored
These days, I start thinking about next week's dinners on Weds or Thursdays. Luckily, it has started to become automatic and...dare I say it...easier. As has choosing recipes and combining them. I get very rebellious and feel hemmed in and bored if I have to follow just one recipe, so what I love love love to do is pick the top 3 or 4 five-star recipes for a certain dish and mix and match portions of each together. Each recipe will invariably differ, sometimes in major ways, like in ingredients or cooking techniques. I grab the ingredients I like from each, and combine them how I like, in the cooking technique I favor on the day. That way, I feel like I have some freedom, spontaneity, and creativity in the process. Involved in this feeling is that there is some experimentation and a sense that I have no idea of how it is going to come out--a surprise every time!

I think this need for creativity is why my cooking always came out awful before--I was combining things that weren't meant to be combined or cooked the way I was cooking them. I am a methodical scientist and an experimenter at heart, but I wasn't applying that to my cooking--all of that haphazard throwing things together in non-tested ways meant that I'd end up with a ton of wasted food to throw away and a sense of failure at the end of my cooking attempts. NOT good for your cooking mojo! Now, with the course at my back, I am starting to learn what goes with what, and when and how to chop various foods efficiently, and what to add to make a dish better when I inevitably screw it up.

I also add veggies to almost every dish to make it healthier. It feels good to take control of what I am eating, and to have something healthy and delicious to eat, ready to go as soon as I come home, every weekday.


See my next post, Part III, for the official Results!, some of my favorite (and not so favorite) dishes, and a little nostalgia from my past to show how far I've come.

Tales From My One Year Cooking Experiment, Part I: Breaking the Barriers

The results are in from a whole year of experimenting with cooking! But first, some background:

The Problem
About a year ago, I got really, really fed up with myself and how I haven't been able to meet some of my goals. One of my main frustrations with myself is that I cannot cook. I don't like cooking. I hate everything about it. It just takes up a ton of time and energy, and the results were usually...lacking in the tastebud area. I hate that I have to stop my day and what I'm doing because my body demands fuel (my metabolism is extremely high, and my stomach capacity is small, so I have to eat 5-6+ times a day. Hunger is a huge interruption and nearly constant.). If I could, I'd just hook myself up to an IV and forget about the whole process of eating altogether (mostly--I'm fine with eating when I have time for it or when I want to eat, I just hate being in the middle of something and have my body demand I stop doing it to eat...). In our foodie/food-obsessed culture, I feel like an abnormal, weird human being every time I discuss any of this with anyone or think about how this makes me different.

So I decided to do something about it.

A 30-Day Cooking Course Saves the Day
 After doing a ton of research, I discovered the Summer Tomato healthstyle blog and eventually signed up for her Foodist Kitchen course in June 2016. Did I feel ridiculous and nervous paying nearly $100 USD for someone to tell me what most 12 year olds know about cooking? YES. But did it work?

 YES.

I do very, very well in structured learning environments. Her course does a great job tackling our beliefs about cooking first, before delving into things like how to chop an onion (for real. I was this bad.). This is what makes it work for people, I think. My beliefs were that cooking was a total chore, I didn't know what I was doing, and that everything I cooked came out tasting pretty bad. No wonder I stuck to baking (it is really hard to mess up butter + sugar in terms of the end product!).

While I didn't fulfill every single task that the 30 day cooking course instructed me to do, I did a lot of it. And I adapted it to my lifestyle: let's face it, me cooking every.single.day. is never going to happen in my lifetime. I just don't have that kind of time or energy or patience or love of it. However, I am GREAT at eating the same thing every day for a week. I decided to use that to my advantage.

My Weekly Meal-Plan/Cooking Schedule Is Born
I started cooking dinners for the week every Sunday. In order to do this, I basically have to give up most of my weekends and a few weeknights. Honestly, it takes a ton of time (still)--

• first, on Thursday or Friday nights, decide what I'm eating next week,
• search for recipes that look doable with my meager skill set, 
• choose which recipes to follow, 
• look in my pantry for ingredients I already have, 
• make a list of ingredients I still need (plus stuff for breakfasts/lunches/snacks), 
• visit the farmer's market and grocery shop on Saturday, 
• clean out last week's rotting food from the fridge, 
• put groceries in my tiny fridge and freezer, 
• and then on Sundays: wait til the kitchen is free/my flatmates don't need it for about 3-4 hours,
• clear kitchen area to use it (flatmates are a bit...all over the place)
• review recipe several times before starting, 
• get out/clean all the kitchen implements, 
• chop everything up/prep ingredients,
• prepare dinner, 
• store it in tupperwares for the week/rearrange fridge (again...there is just not enough space!)
• clean all the dishes, 
• and finally, clean the kitchen.

And then start the process all over the next week.

Whew...

It is a huge list of tasks, and that became a real barrier to getting it done every week.


The Process of Change
After my 30-day course was over, my new weekly process of meal planning and cooking took up most of my mental energy for MONTHS. I would have a brief reprieve maybe Monday through Wednesdays, but then I'd have to start thinking and planning what to make starting (at least) on Thursdays.

Still, I kept at it.

And it started working.

Around last October, I realized I was doing OK at it. I was learning and using my new cooking skills. I started discovering the changes I could make to keep going. I realized that I could sustain my once a week cooking schedule if I  just made a few simple ground rules and played with my psychology a little.


See the next post, Part II, for what changes I realized I needed to make, the sacrifices I had to make, and what I learned in the process.

Therapy Costs

I've finally done the thing I'm probably most scared of personally (outside of television interviews for work!): I went to a therapist this past week.

I'm not sure WHY it is so scary to me, but it is, on many levels.

Firstly, until now, I was the only person in my immediate family who hadn't sought emotional help. Somehow going to a therapist meant that I had failed my family, because they then would have no one that was emotionally stable to count on. (???) I haven't told my family I'm doing this, and I'm not sure I will. Even if I did, I'd probably blame it on the PhD and say that that was why. I am not sure why this is an issue, but luckily I have a therapist now to talk this out with!

Secondly, one thing that came out of my previous online therapy course was that I feel like a total fraud in life. Every week when the questionnaire came up, I'd check the box labeled "If people really knew me, they wouldn't like me." I honestly feel that way, so I end up pretending to be someone I'm not some of the time, and hiding certain aspects of my life and who I am. In therapy, I'm paying $275 AN HOUR. Eff pretending, I'd better be myself so I can start working on my issues.

It is almost $275 for the first session, and $175 for every one thereafter. Talk about expenses...this is coming out of my PhD fund for sure.

So, what was it like? I can honestly say that I am glad I went. The therapist was immediately kind and accommodating (I was late, can you tell I was avoiding?). She asked a lot of questions, and was super understanding and I felt like she was really listening.

To be honest, I haven't gotten into all of my issues yet. It is so hard for me to admit, even to close friends, what is going on in my head a lot of the time. I just couldn't meet someone new and spill it all out right away. I hope I can get to that point eventually, but I haven't even scratched the surface yet.

So far, I've only chatted about difficulties and anxiety around my PhD and my supervisor, and how I am frustrated with myself that I cannot seem to go to bed on time and wake up early on workdays. This is the first and only issue I have brought up so far, but it is the one I am most ashamed of and have to do the most hiding about. I also think it is wrapped up in a lot of other issues, such as being lonely when I come home from work and have no one to talk to. That issue leads on to issues with dating, and also maintaining friendships and how I avoid social interaction. It also is wrapped up in how unhappy I am in NZ because committing to the PhD means being really far away from my family for a much longer period of time, plus I cannot afford a house here, plus I cannot have a dog, plus I cannot find a date, and therefore I cannot have a real life here...I am in life limbo. So there is a lot there to unravel already, just with that first issue. It all just seems so impossibly intertwined and horrible and without a good solution!

I have about 5 more sessions to dive into all that, but I'm not sure it will be enough. My homework this week was to go to bed at 10 pm one night and set my alarm for 8 am every day, even if I don't get up. One day I do need to get up at 8 am. It is is a start. So far, though, I haven't been able to do either one of those things. It feels a little hopeless, but I think I can do it because I know someone is watching me. Why can I only do things when there is accountability and some sort of social consequence? I cannot seem to do this one thing for just myself.

Well, the therapy thing is something that I am committed to, now. I think it will be a really good thing for me, in the long run.

August goals

I'll keep working on my two main goals for 2017:

1. Wake up/go to bed earlier. I use StayFocusd to restrict late night internet time. It works.
2. Incorporate more movement into my days. I use break software to help with this. I've also pledged to walk at least 21 min/day (science says this helps increase well-being and boost moods, something I desperately need right now. It also has a ton of other health and community benefits).
July Microresolution: Attend 1 workout class a week. (Walking to work/shopping/chores/errands takes care of the walking 21 minutes/day.)


Other on-going goals/projects for August:

1. Keep up with once a week cooking. Week 1: chicken fried rice for dinners, squash soup for lunch; Week 2: turkey meatloaf w/ glaze; homemade mashed potatoes; southern green beans; lunch is thai yellow curry OR pineapple fried rice OR pad see ew. Thai satay, curry puff, spring roll Week 3: Creamy pesto chicken and veg pasta Week 4:
2. Create ancestry book for both sides of my family.
3. Product safety overhaul: review toiletry products and find safe replacements.
4. Update Master Document and replace this online.
5. Update my CV, LinkedIn, Twitter, blog, staff page, and Researchgate profiles for work. Strip my Researchgate profile but keep account.
6. Send url of my personal research page to academic friends for review and tips.
7. Make weekly goals.
8. Review monthly and yearly and lifetime goals. 
9. Go to a social event where I know no one.
10.  Consolidate and rank/prioritize a list of meetups that look interesting and fun things to do with friends.
11. Think about a Destination Christmas, close to NZ. Where to go? And who would come with me?
12. Monthly PhD treat: ski trip.
13. Go to therapy appointment.
14. Finalise birthday ski trip in August. Get paid by 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 people. Secure rides to/down. Save up $$ for ski lift and gear rental. Start packing.
15. Renew passport. See: https://nz.usembassy.gov/u-s-citizen-services/how-to-renew-a-passport/.

 

Investments on the Side

I'm getting into using a few tricks to try to reach my financial goals.


First up, I used Kiva to reach my minimum spend on a new credit card, to earn enough air points for a return trip from NZ to the US to visit my family. I did a practice run this time, loaning out $250 to Kiva through my credit card. The charge counted towards my minimum spend, and I earned my 80K airmiles. Woot! $100 of the $250 has already been paid back and is being returned to my bank account now. It is an easy and quick way to reach the minimum spend. There are a few downsides: it does require you to have liquidity and you obviously lose bank interest for the months that the money is loaned out.

My second issue is more complicated.

I am essentially not allowed to invest money while just working in New Zealand. The rules around investing when it comes to US tax obligations are extremely complicated. To even be clear about what I would have to do come US tax time, I would have to consult an agent who specialises in US-NZ tax law, and just that meeting would cost $500. Worst case scenario, I would have to break down every single stock that I invest in (very very difficult if I stick with my strategy of investing in index funds!) to figure out losses/gains for the year, and then pay taxes on them even if I've already paid in NZ. It would add like 50 more forms to my already complex abroad US tax return. I honestly just don't have the time or money to figure it out.

The reason why this is so horrible? I am also not allowed to invest in IRAs or any retirement vehicles in the US, because I haven't earned US dollars.

So basically I'm up a tree. All my earnings have to be saved in cash, in CDs and savings accounts here in NZ.

My one option is to invest money in a taxable investment account in the US. But that is pretty bad news, too.

Firstly, I have to convert it to USD, which strips away some of the money.

Secondly, my US investments have been at a standstill for the past 9 years--nearly every penny I have invested is intact but has had ZERO growth. I have compared my portfolio to others' and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong--I've got all index funds at Vanguard that are well-regarded and recommended by bogleheads and PF bloggers. I just can't figure it out, but I have to keep faith that it is a long-term gamble, not short-term.

So I have been saving in NZD, in CD's and high interest rate savings accounts. I've gambled a very small amount of money in Bonus Bonds and the NZ Heart Association Lottery. They haven't paid off at all, but a little hope is worth the lost interest and extra contributions to charity.

I have over $60K in cash savings now, and I have been looking for other ways to invest that are not total gambles like the latter. Some investments.

And they have to be simple enough that I can figure out the exact gains to report for my US tax returns.

Enter in peer to peer lending. Apparently it is quite easy, tax-wise--it counts as normal income as far as US tax returns go, and the NZ taxes are taken right out immediately. In the US, you can even invest Roth IRA funds and the returns would be tax free (but this isn't offered through Vanguard and fees are high, so it's only worth the hassle of transferring $$ over to a new company if I were investing A LOT).

Since the bulk of my savings is here in NZ with me, I thought I'd start dabbling in it in NZ first. I've signed up to a company and transferred their minimum amount to start playing with. I'll see how that goes for the next few months to a year, and then, if I still like it, I'll aim to invest 5% of my savings into P2P loans, to see how it goes and if I am comfortable with it. That is about $3K. It is a lot of money, but I am OK with risking it to see how this goes. Eventually, I want to be fully diversified. That will take roughly $25,000, but I plan on using a lot of returns and reinvesting, so hopefully the bite this actually takes out of my savings will be slightly less.

According to the interwebs, diversification is the key to peer to peer lending. So, the plan is to grab as many notes as possible. Those that have invested in ~500 notes are considered fully diversified, according to some sources...I have a lot of work to do!

July 2017 Goals

July goals!

I'll keep working on my two main goals for 2017:

1. Wake up/go to bed earlier. I use StayFocusd to restrict late night internet time. It works. My July Microresolution: No internet after 10:30 pm on weeknights.
2. Incorporate more movement into my days. I use break software to help with this. I've also pledged to walk at least 21 min/day (science says this helps increase well-being and boost moods, something I desperately need right now. It also has a ton of other health and community benefits).
July Microresolution: Attend 1 workout class a week. (Walking to work/shopping/chores/errands takes care of the walking 21 minutes/day.)


What I've learned recently about habits/my life:

• I read two books on loneliness by Emily White: Lonely and Count Me In. Both were extremely easy, quick, informative reads and I recommend them for anyone that feels like something...or someone(s) is missing from their lives. She weaves her personal story in with scientific research on human connection very well. I related to a lot of what she said, particularly that I am not depressed, I'm lonely. And thereafter cascades many of my problems.
• I'm currently reading a book about making microresolutions by Caroline Arnold. I think this approach is the most effective way to make significant changes in your life.

Other on-going goals/projects for July:

1. Keep up with once a week cooking. This makes my work-week SO much easier and stress-free (and healthier!). Week 1: roast veggies, roast chicken Week 2: zucchini, potato, cheddar soup; pasta; southern style green beans Week 3: roast kumara; simple green beans; roast chicken; turkey-veggie chili; snacks: apples, cheese, wheat thins, hummus; desserts: strawberries, dark chocolate, mint chocolates. Week 4: same snacks, desserts; dinners: lemon-garlic-veggie chicken pasta; lunches: tuna-avocado sandwiches
2. Create ancestry book for both sides of my family.
3. Product safety overhaul: review toiletry products and find safe replacements.
4. Update Master Document and replace this online.
5. Update my CV, LinkedIn, Twitter, blog, staff page, and Researchgate profiles for work. Strip my Researchgate profile but keep account.
6. Send url of my personal research page to academic friends for review and tips.
7. Make weekly goals.
8. Review monthly and yearly and lifetime goals. 
9. Go to a social event where I know no one.
10.  Consolidate and rank/prioritize a list of meetups that look interesting and fun things to do with friends.
11. Think about a Destination Christmas, close to NZ. Where to go? And who would come with me?
12. Monthly PhD treat: birthday fun day.
13.  Follow up eye exam with contact lenses.-->appointment made
14. Research US tax implications of peer-to-peer lending in NZ.
15. Finalise birthday plans.
16. Finalise birthday ski trip in August. Get paid by 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 people. Secure rides to/down. Save up $$ for ski lift and gear rental. Start packing.
17. Renew passport. See: https://nz.usembassy.gov/u-s-citizen-services/how-to-renew-a-passport/.

 

A Wee Catch Up: Travels and Epiphanies

I went away on vacation for 6 weeks and just returned this weekend (travel pro-tip: schedule yourself to arrive back home on a Friday pm so you have the whole weekend to organize/unpack/etc. before heading to work!). I went to the West Coast of the US for a family wedding and mini-reunion for a week, then a friend met me and we headed down the coast on an epic road trip for a week and a half. I finished the trip off with almost 4 weeks at home with my mom, dad, and sister.

The family reunion was great, but, as expected, I got A LOT of questions about my singledom and dating life. People really need to mind their own business! As if I wasn't aware that I'm unlikely to ever get married since I'm nearly 40...! And as if that is the end-all, be-all point in life (Is it? Do I have something wrong?)? Anyway, this wedding marked the first of my cousins (all younger than me) on my mom's side to get married, and I can see the that the rest are well on their way down the same path--many of them brought their serious partners with them. I did feel a little left out/put out by their questions, but they seemed to swallow the lame excuses I made ("No one asks me out." "Guys in NZ marry early."). I mean, I honestly don't know what they wanted to hear ("I am unlovable and unwanted.")?? They love me, so I don't exactly know why they'd probe and ask more questions after I responded that I was sadly still single with zero prospects and that yes, I've tried--but every single guy I have been interested in in NZ in the past 10 years has turned me down. (Note to ALL THE PEOPLE: don't ask more questions after that response. Very few people are happy in that kind of situation.)

So when I started my road trip, I was keen to get away. Luckily, my friend is a great sounding board. The trip was OK. Not one of our best (we've been all over the world together), but there were no major hiccups. We headed down the 101 and checked out a lot of beautiful coastline, lighthouses, and little towns. I was very much in my head and trying to make everything perfect--I'd researched lots and had very specific ideas about where I wanted to go. Unfortunately, a lot of the things I was excited about were a bit of a let down (e.g. Fern Canyon looks amazing but was terrible when we went. There was a LINE of people for the whole hike. Gross.).

Fern Canyon. This is the shot with the fewest people in it (!)

As a result, I was kind of disappointed in myself for not showing my friend a better time, and she commented that I was all over the place when we were trying to figure out something to do. Poor thing, she couldn't keep up with my endless back-tracks and rethinking decisions and me doubting my instincts! It didn't help that we basically didn't sleep for 4-5 days straight in there because we were camping and the mattresses at the campsites were AWFUL. We also didn't schedule a few off, no-activity or driving days because we were trying to get from point A to point B in the few days that my friend could get off of work. :/ Lesson learned.

Beautiful sea-rock formations on the USA West Coast.

Anyway, it was a nice trip and I got some good photos. I then went home to my parents' house on the East Coast and hung out with them. I didn't work except for a few days in there when I had an unavoidable deadline. I also didn't shop as much as I usually do. I also didn't plan or see people I normally see. I didn't do much, to be honest. I had a few personal goals (e.g. update my will and master documents), but I didn't get those all done. I didn't talk with my dad as much as I wanted to (our sleep schedules were opposite). Honestly, I mostly vegged out, read books, ate my parents' cooking and American treats that I miss, let them spoil me, took care of them, had 3 extended family dinners, saw my best friend from college and went tubing, swam in the outdoor public pool for 2 of the days, and watched a TON of HGTV.  Somehow the time went by very quickly. My dad, of course, also asked why I'm still single.

The only thing I dread about going home/seeing family & friends is this topic. I feel like I need to hand out a brochure: "Yes, I am Single; No, I Don't Know Why." It really is the most annoying thing in my life right now, and pretty much why I avoid going to my old church, even though I love everyone there--they are like my second family. I just know I'll get a ton of questions about why I haven't given my mom grandchildren, and I am afraid my response to them will be incredibly rude. In church, mind you. I can't have that on my conscience. Better to live with the guilt of not going.

Source: http://whisper.sh/whisper/04f640514f9240351744dda872a6da2f188804/Yes-Im-single-No-I-dont-know-why-

Anyway, I did a lot of thinking about how I feel at home--with my family--and how I feel in NZ. Basically, I am a ton happier at home vs in NZ, for one main reason: I am surrounded by people that love me, care for me, listen to me, and are there whenever I need them. Solid. I can hug them anytime that I want or need one. That is huge! I simply don't have that in NZ, and because of that, I am incredibly lonely. Loneliness is why I settle for friendships that are toxic or unhealthy, why I hang out with people that I don't really like or have anything in common with, and why I make a huge deal out of planning/controlling my life and am a perfectionist. I don't want to let go of bad or uninteresting people, because if I did, I'd be going back to the time in NZ when I had no friends (c. 2009-10). That was seriously miserable. 2. I'm a perfectionist/control freak because subconsciously I'm trying to be worthy of someone decent, so that I can be the recipient of their love and attention.

So that hits the nail on the head, but completely. I've been struggling with this feeling on and off for years. It's come back with amazing force over the past year or so. At first, I thought I might be getting depressed, but that really didn't feel like the answer. I don't feel depressed 97% of the time (the exception is one day--Day 26--of my hormonal cycle--so bad!). I get excited for things and have lots of plans and enjoy things and am interested in a ton of activities...but I do most of these things alone. I need both: some alone time, then some friend time, then more alone time. I get the most enjoyment out of doing activities with my special people, and having a select, carefully chosen group of confidants and people I feel in tune with. My family, or my chosen family. Being alone is great sometimes, and I adore it, but I also need the option of feeling connected sometimes. I'm disconnected in NZ, and I am very unhappy because of it.

I did find that connection about 4 years ago, and made a nice, big group of friends that I had a ton in common with and had a LOT of fun with. I integrated them into my life with cautious excitement, because it seemed too good to be true. Amazing, decent, hilarious, fun, smart people that thought I was the same?! And were my age and on the same career path and could relate to me? And liked doing all the things (plus more) that I liked to do?!!!? I had struck a gold mine, and I knew it. I ate it up. I have only been happier in my life like that once before, when I found a similar group in grad school 15 years ago. I didn't take it for granted, not one second of it.

Slowly but surely, that group has disintegrated over the past year or so. First, one moved away south, got married, and had a baby. I don't see or hear back from him anymore. Then another one moved across the world, and now is engaged and having a baby--he's not great at communicating via message or skype. Another found a different job, away from the area where I work/she used to work, and it just isn't convenient for us to see each other as much (I don't have a car). Another got engaged 6 months ago and is 100% pre-occupied with that--I'm not much help with wedding ideas. Another got a girlfriend and is always busy with her. And the one closest to me of all? Well, he played with my heart, broke it, and now is avoiding me. And so on and so on. So that chapter is effectively closed. I can't count on those people to connect with or be there for me anymore.

What sucks is that I'm kind of a lifer. I don't like change and am a really slow burner. It takes a long time to earn my trust, but once I like someone and let them in, I will always be there for them no matter what. I don't have a partner or kids to take that attention away, so when close friends start diverting their attention to their partners/new kids, I feel abandoned and hurt, and then start to feel lonely and rejected. I am not sure what to do about this, since once-single, inseparable friends will always get partners/kids. I'd say that I understand and that it happens to me, too, when I get a partner, but it really doesn't, and hasn't--there have been no partners.

So...it seems that I have a lot to unpack in my upcoming therapy appointment, scheduled for next month. :) I'm just glad I figured out the depression/loneliness distinction. I was getting kind of worried about myself!

US Tax Q: How to confirm return receipt if sent by mail?

A question in the hopes that someone (anyone!) has an answer for me:

I send my US tax returns from New Zealand by mail, because all of the e-file things I try get complicated very quickly with all of my overseas accounts and having to provide proof of currency conversions, etc., plus how they time out while I am looking stuff up, it just gets too hard and messy. So I fill the forms out on the computer, print them out, and send them in snail-mail style.

I claim the foreign income exclusion, so I neither owe tax nor do I get a refund. There is no paperwork trail (cashed check or direct deposit $$) to indicate that my return was processed, and this link doesn't work: https://www.irs.gov/uac/checking-the-status-of-your-refund.

In this case, how do I tell if the IRS has received my return?

April 2017 Moolah

Spending was pretty much down to the wire this month. Good thing my Easter trip was cancelled due to a non-arriving Cyclone Cook! (not really)

	April 2017 Budget
Category	Spent	Budgeted Amount
Rent	$900.00	$900.00
Groceries	$333.67	$430.00
Internet	$26.33	$26.33
Electricity	$0.00	$50.00
Eating Out	$88.10	$150.00
Charity	$0.00	$50.00
Cell phone	$17.00	$25.00
Medical	$76.50	$90.00
Misc	$993.09	$700.00
Savings	$500.00	$500.00
Total	$2,934.69	$2,921.33
Remainder	$28.65

Income: $2,963.34

Not much leftover to save.

MISC
alcohol	$          68.49
entertainment	$          51.00
exercise	$               -
fees	$            4.00
gifts	$          88.79
goods and wants	$        177.27
transportation	$        250.00
travel	$        353.54
	$        993.09

For Misc spending, I applied half of my US road trip costs to May and half to April, had a few nights out for birthdays (which also account for 'gifts'), and went to Snowplanet for entertainment! So much fun. I'm hopeful that this will keep me on-track for spending in May even though I have lots of fun planned (and have already saved up for it!)! 

May & June 2017 Goals

I've combined May and June because I have a few weeks of work, then a road trip/family reunion overseas, then I'm home with my family for a month. I won't get a lot done in May, but June should make up for it! This is more of a 'while at home' goal list.

Two main goals for 2017:

1. Wake up/go to bed earlier. I use StayFocusd to restrict late night internet time. It works. In May, I'll aim to go to bed before midnight most nights.
2. Incorporate more movement into my days. I use break software to help with this. I've also pledged to walk at least 21 min/day (science says this helps increase well-being and boost moods, something I desperately need right now. It also has a ton of other health and community benefits).


Other (extra) goals for May:

1. Go to 1 work out class.
2. Keep up with once a week cooking. Week 1: 
3. Follow up eye exam with contact lenses.
4. Get my flu shot. 
5. Finalise all travel planning and packing for US trip.
6. Pull off a surprise birthday party for my best friend.
7. Have an awesome time on my road trip and family reunion and cousin's wedding.

Other (extra) goals for June:

1. Review my US retirement and taxable account allocations and investments.
2. Review my NZ retirement allocations and investments.
3. Review will, insurances, and Master docs.
4. Order Equifax and Experian credit reports from US.
5. Track vacation spending.
6. Look into peer-to-peer lending for extra cash (instead of savings).
7. Plan birthday ski trip for July/August. Booked accommodation & secured 4-6 people for each night, with room to spare. Have secured rides down and back. When I'm back, need to finalize people and save $$ for ski passes and rentals.
8. Make recipe book, add book from home.
9. Create ancestry book for both sides of my family.
10. Shop for classic pieces in wardrobe.
11. Product safety overhaul. review toiletry products and find safe replacements.
12. Check on US fed and state tax returns--have they been rec'd?
13. Complete $5K spend on Chase Ink Biz card by 3 Aug. I'm currently at a $3183 spend on June 6. I intend on adding ~$2K to my Kiva account, first testing it with $250 to see how it processes. I also will investigate KickFurther to see if that would work for me.
14. Update my LinkedIn and staff page profiles for work.
15. Send url of my personal research page to academic friends for review and tips. 
16. Back up laptop at US home.

And as usual, keep up with the following:

1. Log my daily habits (without judgment) to track moods/hormones/effects of behaviour experiments.
2. Make weekly goals.
3. Review monthly and yearly and lifetime goals. 
4. Monthly PhD treat: family reunion, cousin's wedding, time with immediate family, and W Coast road trippppp!. :)
5. Floss every day.
6. Stretch every day.
7. Meditate every day. 
8. Check my self criticism.