Lil Update on Alone Weekend

1) I'm looking over some old journals. They are quite informative. I wish I could get back to my 2002-2003 self. Even though I was terribly naive, I was super-happy! Sometimes ignorance DOES = bliss.

2) I did my taxes last night. I THINK I OWE $100! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?? Must re-do.

3) Slowly converting to a non-cc lifestyle, and paying for everything in NZD. It's painful paying that credit card with New Zealand Dollars. Still to convert: my skype payments, and my electric bill here.

4) Not sure what to do today. Tomorrow I need to go grocery shopping, and call a lot of folks to whom I owe phone calls, but today is kind of a blank slate. It's raining, too, so I don't particularly want to go outside!

5) XBF has conveniently disappeared for the weekend thus far. I'm trying not to miss him, and to revel in my Alone-liness. Sometimes it works.

Sweet, Sweet Alone Time

The clock started on my Alone Weekend around 7 pm tonight. It's only been about two hours, but already, I feel so much better. Laptop loaded with internet access, check; door shut, check; a few borrowed movies, check; some snacks--I'm good to go.

My to-do list is miles long (at the top: taxes. finally.), but I'm just so happy to be alone! and not in a car driving in the rain to some internet-less, cell reception-less spot in the middle of the North Island. Normally, I'd opt for the latter (I HEART road trips!), but not this weekend. This weekend is MINE.

A little bit of calm just diffused into my bloodstream...

Some happenings:

1) Today I made my permanent residency interview appointment. Next Thursday at 12:30 pm. I'm not nervous yet but I know I will be! I also need to practice answering their most-asked questions this weekend.

2) My boss pulled me aside today and said that she needed to meet with me next week to discuss my future. I had a performance review written into my contract for February, but hadn't gotten around to asking for it, because I feel like I've been doing a bad job lately, what with my emotional roller coaster and all. I wanted some time to redeem myself before I asked for a review. Looks like she remembered, though! She also gave me a new task, and one that has more responsibility attached. This time around, with THIS job, I know exactly what I want to ask for. I will also mention my interest in a PhD, but I need to figure out what I actually want to do with my life, if I continue this career path...

3) I've been ignoring my blog lately, and it shows. Any suggestions on improvement (beyond a writing class, that is...I know I have some work to do on my grammar/composition)?

4) I had a doctor's appointment today to get a few refills on prescriptions (for low iron and eczema). Doctor is still not taking me seriously about feeling tired due to thyroid issues, but i'm hoping to get my iron levels up to snuff, at least. Thanks to my insurance through XBF, the appointment and the two refills were FREE. Gotta love the NZ system.

Spending:

$2 Dr Pepper (a treat!)

I can't wait for March to start so I can start my budget with a clean slate!

PS, Happy Birthday to my Mom! (she doesn't read this but I thought I'd put it out there in the world. Her 60th b-day was technically yesterday but it's still the 26th in the US. Wow. 60. Wonder where/how I'll be in 30 years??)

Budget Hiatus for March!

*********************PART ONE**************************

Hmmm, sorry for the lack of posts. I still don't have much to say, even though I'm posting today. I've covered it all before: I'm recovering from the BF breakup, I'm directionless, sister continues to be ill and ignore my phone calls, and dad is on the mend but still not feeling great. Things could definitely be better! (and worse, for that matter...I need to keep that in mind!)

I've opted to stay in this weekend, even though there are really fun parties and campouts happening. I may kick myself for not going later, but I really have to stop ignoring real life.

The past month or so, I've been insanely busy and not spending much time by myself or at home. the few days when I was at home by myself, I started to crash, but then had to pick up and go somewhere else for work or play, and thereby aborted the crash. Now it's catching up to me; it's clear that I need to crash, need that release of emotion, and need to feel it in order to start moving on.

So this weekend, with the few people that I know out of town to party, I am going to get back to what I do best: being alone. I might as well get used to it (the crash is accompanied by a pity party. how appropriate!). I need to get back to being happy, alone, before I can be happy with anyone else. Yes?

What are your favorite things to do by yourself? (Let's keep this clean, eh?)


********************************PART TWO*******************************


Spending has been insane this past month, but thankfully about $1K less than my income. I'm still going to track my expenses, but for this little bit of time, I need to do what I need to do--if it means spending $100 on Pussy Cat Doll/Cabaret dance classes, so be it! My only goal for March is to not spend over my income. After that, anything goes.

You hear that, little miserly demons on my shoulder?? You have been cast mute for the month of March!

What's Up, Template Change!

I was getting really tired of not being able to see the text in my most recent posts , and I'm going through some changes lately (and it's starting to affect every part of my life), SO I decided to change my blog, too.

Let me know how you like it, if there are any problems, if the font should be smaller, larger, maroon, whathaveyou. :)

Toodles!

Back to the Office!

Saturday I watched some amazing fireworks and a laser show set to music played by a live symphony, for FREE! in the Auckland Domain. A coworker and I drank cider and laid on the grass, gazing at the clouds above go whizzing by the stars (those of you in NZ know how fast those clouds move!). Sunday I took it easy, and took a looonnngg walk through a neighborhood I'd never been to before. I also returned the rental car and got some painting in, as well as a phone call to my parents.

I'm finding it really hard to be so alone after 2+ years in a relationship. I really really hate being alone. I can do it, sure, but i'd rather share my day with someone who cares about me, give/get a couple of hugs, and laugh about the stupid stuff that happened. It's not as fun to laugh alone.

the rest of my to-do list is still looming over my head.

However, I may have just planned ANOTHER trip for this weekend, this time to go surfing/snorkeling and camping at a northern beach. We'll see. I absolutely love traveling around and ignoring real life (and BF), but the numbers have to shake out. I have a feeling I can't afford another weekend of fun. :( Plus my laundry is INSANE.

Today was my first day back in the office after my trip. No spending...

On the Docket...

didn't end up going anywhere special today--it stopped raining this morning but i needed a good sleeping in. I did have the joy of driving to the grocery store and mall in Auckland...LOVED IT. I think I want a car now.

it took me 5 minutes to drive to the store, and usually it takes me at least a half an hour on the free bus each way. And then once i get there, i have to either get all my shopping done in fifteen minutes (including the cash register line) OR take an hour and fifteen minutes, because the bus back leaves on the hour only.

Still to do this weekend:

--call Jeremy to wish him happy b-day
--call Heather to congrats her on her very first pregnancy!
--call mom and dad--dad is home from the hospital!
--call sister if she lets me, she's not doing well (again)
--call brad, i owe him like 40 phone calls
--bake oatmeal cookies for card game this week (anyone have a good recipe?)
--learn Ultimate frisbee rules
--look at website for dance classes at school
--taxes
--Taxes
--TAXES!
--finish editing friend's thesis
--paint something?
--run somewhere or otherwise get some sort of workout in

spending:
$110 groceries (this is what happens when i don't have to lug them home)
$10 eco-friendly, no soap, NZ-made shampoo (trying to go chemical free...)

Back for good...

Sortof. I still have the rental car until sunday at 1 pm, and they won't refund my money if I return it early, so I'm 'stuck' with a car this weekend! :) yay!

My dad may come home from the hospital tomorrow. he didn't get the thumb completely amputated, but it's in really bad shape. He'll have to have more surgery to have flesh grafted onto it. in the meantime, a nurse will come by every day to give him antibiotics via IV, and to monitor the vacuum wound-keeper-opener. (the wound can't close up or else they can't graft the flesh as easily.)

This week has been kind of a mess. some of the kids that I taught earlier in the month have started their semester on the S. Island, and they were the ones that I connected the most with. So I was teaching the others how to sample, but I wasn't given any sort of course matter to teach, nor given any guidelines, and had never used this method before, nor been to this site...so i was NOT very capable. I'm not sure I'll be asked to teach again next year. :( I'm also not super-social and fun like a camp counselor, and that's basically what I was supposed to be doing. I mean, I talk with the kids and hang out with them, but i wasn't in a really good mood this week 'cause of my dad and BF and all. and the girl that BF spent the night with those weeks ago was sort of my project manager of sorts this week. So i wasn't super friendly to her (not mean, not bi%chy, just cordial and business like, in a 'get the job done, can I do anything to help'-sort of way). It was just a weird situation. and I dealt with it by not talking too much and being socially awkward. ugh.

I also lost $300 worth of sample equipment!

I went out for drinks tonight with some people from work, after driving back to Auckland all day in the pouring! rain. These coworkers can't know that BF and I broke up, because my work permit relies on my partnership. And immigration could come a'knockin any second to quiz them for my PR application. However, BF came to get a drink tonight! we didn't speak at all--how noticeable is that? I'd say VERY. I hate this farce, but it's going to be even harder when everyone knows...

The good news is, I spent a week at the beach, learned a few things, and got free lunches and dinners all week! fabu. I spent about $26 on internet/wifi, $21 on snacky stuff and dinners and ice cream, and that's it!

Another Trip

Tomorrow I leave (yet again) for a trip associated with this field study abroad class my coworker owns. I'm helping this week with a groundwater sampling module.

It won't be as fun as traipsing around volcanoes, but it will be pretty interesting, I think.

So today I'm going to run around packing, getting snacks, and a battery for my field watch. I'm still hungover, but luckily it's rainy and gray in Auckland today, so it matches my mood/needs.

I really want to see Slumdog Millionaire, and a coworker has a copy of the DVD, so I'm going to see if she wants to watch it tonight. FREE!

That's my day!

I will be out of commission this week again--no cell reception, no electricity, no laptop access in the remote part of NZ I'm going to.

Sorry guys--I know I've been lax lately. For my emotional health's sake, I am glad I am keeping busy, but I don't like ignoring my blog/spending habits/etc. so much.

Hungover

It's been a tumultuous week: a big meeting, a huge fight, crying jags like no other, and a possible amputation. So I felt like I deserved a night out.

Valentine's day is a coworker's birthday and he wasn't doing anything for it (it being VD day, after all, all of his friends have plans with their significant others), and I quickly suggested we go out for drinks after work with a bunch of people in lieu. the birthday boy declined, but everyone else accepted, so four of us went out around 5:30 for happy hour. I requested a long island iced tea, but the bartender had no idea how to make it--it ended up with vodka, malibu, tequila, gin, triple sec, NO sour mix, and a whole load of coke...and ended up tasting like a really yummy rum and coke, albeit WAY more alcoholic.

I drank two.

$21 for two (strong!) drinks

Halfway through the second drink, my coworker ordered fries. They took over a half an hour to arrive, so the bartender decided to give us free drinks to make up for the wait.

I was totally liquored up at this point, so i gave mine to my other coworker, who had said he would just go out 'for one drink' only. HA! my free drink was his fourth. :)

Then we went to another bar around 9 pm. at this point we totally forgot about dinner and just decided to drink our calories.

I had a cider.

I have to count my cash to figure out how much that was...I was NOT paying attention to the cost at all, because the bartender kept commenting about how she didn't believe I was 30, and she had to card everyone that looks under 25 (SCORE!). I kept telling her that I loved her for that.

(I love everybody when I'm drunk. Most of the time...)

I was walking home alone after that around 1 am, and a limo pulled up at a stoplight and some random people started talking to me. they were doing a pub crawl and asked me to join their party.

Uncharacteristically, I jumped in the limo at the streetlight and we went to another bar.

I was given a bracelet to get free drinks (which I didn't pay for). the night pretty much blurs after that, but I do remember getting accosted by a drunk couple asking me to have a threesome with them.

I turned down this offer.

the limo dropped me off at my house around 3 am. I don't have anyone's phone numbers or contact info from the limo, no idea which bar I went to...

What a random night.

Receipt Time

Getting ready to tally up two weeks' worth of receipts. it is U-G-L-Y, but i have an alibi!

Layout

the text in my posts is showing up weird as of late. is anyone else having problems??

One of those days.

Ugh, I must be PMS-ing today because my mood has just been freaky in the last 12 hours. i was really pissed off at BF when he got in at 9 am this morning (still do not know what he was up to, my heart breaks every time I think of it). then i had a big meeting at 10:30 that I had to present at. I am not a good public speaker at all--i get nervous even when i have to introduce myself to a group--so talking for a half hour terrifies me!

It all went ok, though...I think. My boss said i did a good job, so that's all that matters to me!

So I was riding that high and amped for ultimate frisbee, and felt compelled to apologize to BF for being cranky with him this morning when he got in.

Then I found out that there was no room for me in the car riding to the Ultimate field, so I decided to bail. and then I just got sort of depressed. my mom called and said that my dad's thumb may have to be amputated--he shot a nail into his thumb last week with a nail gun. initially, it wasn't a serious injury, but it got infected and he had to have more surgery today.

so now i'm feeling really low. tiny little things are upsetting my already precarious mood. i hate when I sweat the small stuff! I kind of feel like I'm slowly falling apart...

No spending today, though!

So. Tired.

Got back from my trip late Monday night, worked today a bit, and have a big meeting tomorrow, plus an ultimate frisbee game (STILL don't really know the rules!), then I'm planning on watching a free movie in a park with the ultimate kids. there are finally some social opportunities here, and the alternative is to stay at home and wallow, be bored and lonely, or be awkward and careful around the BF. he's been in a terrible mood lately. NOTHING i do or say is right.

My trip was pretty amazing--post pictures later--but I spent alot of money. I was very relaxed from my trip, we hiked about 6-8 miles a day (again), and I had some fun with the 20 year olds. The weather was perfect; I slept on the beach or on the riverfront every night; wasn't even bothered by the lack of shower or facilities.

It was nice to be distracted from real life, esp. the boyfriend thing. However, I'm back, he's out late again, and I'm still here, feeling the same things as I did three weeks ago. Distractions are good, but I guess you can only run so long. I do wonder if I'd still feel this way if he moved out, though. That may have to happen, I just don't think I'd feel so bad if I didn't know he was OUT. I hate wondering what he's doing without me. he put some stuff up on his facebook, but when I asked him what he did last weekend when I was gone, he didn't mention any of it. Whereas i told him everything I did, with details. Cutting x-bf's totally out of my life is the only thing that works! It's just so hard...and guys are coming out of the woodwork, interested in dating me, but the one I want isn't! (re: the other guys: I'm just sooo not interested nor in a place to entertain such thoughts! i don't believe in rebounds. for myself, that is.)

I haven't really prepped for the meeting tomorrow, either, so that will be a slight disaster, but I'll muddle through. I HATE MEETINGS.

Back for a day...

I'm back long enough to launder and sleep, and then I'm off again tomorrow. Tomorrow is Waitangi Day here in NZ, and the whole country gets the day off! And since I 'worked' last weekend, I have to take two days off asap to make up for the working. So, essentially, I have a 5-day weekend coming up, after doing fun outdoorsy things for the past 6 days. :) This is fun, this not really working stuff.

As it turns out, I did end up having to pay to work--I rented a car with two other people for the drive down, bought gas for part of the trip and some food along the way, bought a lift ticket and entry into some geothermal pools. I'll tally it up later, but my accomodation and some of my food was included, so I can't really complain. AND I got to do and see some amazing stuff that I'd want to do on my own time, anyway. So I'm calling it a wash, a cheap(er) vacation.

We hiked about 24 miles in 4 days, crazy. I'm tired and sore, but my worst injury is from my hiking boots, which crunched my toenails down in a few spots, and they are looking like they are going to fall off (I know, ew, sorry!).

The major hike (Tongariro Crossing, it's amazing--a MUST DO if you are in NZ!) was 18.5 km (11.5 miles). The next day we hiked about 8 more K (to see lahar deposits from Mt Ruapehu), then 6 the next day (UP Mt Ruapehu to the summit Crater Lake) and 8 again the next day (to map lava flows off of Mt Ngauruhoe, or as it's better known, Mt Doom). So that's about 40 km in 4 days! Or, in US terms, 24 MILES. O. M. G.

Yesterday I drove for the second time during this trip to NZ. The first time was earlier this week after I forgot my bathing suit in my tired stupor, at the geothermal hot pools in Okahune (sp?). It went fine...although I have to think WAY TOO HARD to do the turn signal and enter roundabouts the right way (clockwise instead of counter).

OH! and right before I left last Friday, I got a phone call from NZ Immigration...they are ready for my interview for PR (permanent residency)! It'll take place after I get back from all my hiking. :)

So, this weekend, I am going to see some glowworm caves, maybe a geothermal field, go to the beach for a day and do whatever, and then meet up with the field trip that I just got back from to hike Tarawera Volcano. Hope my toes hold up!!