A month or so ago, my American friend got three new housemates almost all at the same time. Her prior housemates were Kiwi, but I literally never saw them in all the times I've visited her house the two years she's lived there--they were really busy, I guess. Anyway, her new housemates are also Kiwi, but seem to enjoy having parties. And so I was invited to my first real Kiwi party.
You might think that is odd, since I've lived here for
how many years? 4 and a half? But this is a common occurrence--non-Kiwis are usually not invited into the fold as such. As it was, the party-instigator had only invited friends that he knew...from middle and high school. That's right. The people that were invited were decades-long friends, and were ALL KIWI. I and the other non-Kiwis were only invited by virtue of my friend happening to live with him. And I never felt excluded or unwelcome or different at the party--it was a free-for-all happy time.
THIS is what I mean when I say that it is hard to break into Kiwi culture, but that they are a friendly people. Most people can't understand what I mean. I am not saying they are mean or cold or anything like that. I mean, they are closed, until you have an in. Until then, they put and keep you at arms' distance, though they will give you directions on the street and have a beer or two with you, never talking about their private lives or inviting you to more intimate affairs. Until...maybe your friend is dating one of them. Maybe you get invited to a house party because your friend lives with a Kiwi. I don't know. But it is very difficult to get into their circles and spaces without that 'in'. Once you are there, they are more than happy to show you a great time, joke around, and are quite welcoming and willing to hang out with you.
The party illustrated everything I've learned about Kiwi culture perfectly. Maybe I was looking for it, but I really didn't go in with any expectations like that. I thought all house parties were basically the same.
No, no, no, dear friends. First off, people started drinking at 5 pm on a work day, which means they didn't eat dinner, just drank their calories. It's not like I haven't done this from time to time, but the drinking went so hard that many people were puking in the bushes by 8 pm. I arrived around that time, and boy, was I confused about how much I had to catch up. It wasn't just one person doing this, it was like 80% of them.
Secondly, the girls and the guys were really shy around each other, but I had to wonder for a second if they were all gay. It was like all of them couldn't express their sexual frustrations on the opposite gender, so they did a lot of flirting with their same-sex friends. I'm talking, guys sitting on other guys' laps, girls straddling each other and smooching, guys 'doing' each other's hair, the works. Everything you do to flirt with your chosen gender interest, they were doing to each other instead. Very confusing!! I don't mean to say that anything is
wrong with guys (or girls for that matter, it is just more accepted) gender bending a little--it is nice to see that they are so open and not afraid of being called 'gay' if they so much as utter a compliment to another dude--what I mean is, there was no flirting with their chosen attracted sex going on. Which clearly is how it is done at every other house party I've been to. I mean, I didn't see much of my American girlfriend that night, and didn't expect to, because normally these parties are for heavy, major flirting. I've definitely gone to house parties where I've only spoken with dudes, despite arriving with a herd of girls. It's just how it goes. Girls are comfortable because everyone at the party has been vetted by one of their friends' friends, it's a homey atmosphere, etc. Prime girl-getting time, house parties.
Not here!! There was a clear separation. Girls in the living room dancing, guys drinking on the porch. The one couple making out was American and British.
The conversations swirling around me were so random. Example: "Your name is Florence? That is only a stripper's name or a cat's name!"
And then...and then.
Most of the guys decided to take their pants off.
One of them puked from the second story window onto another party-goer.
All of them piled in a football tackle heap on the puker. Clearly enjoying themselves, sans pants.
While the girls watched.
One girl ventured out to the porch and did make a move, and when she did, it was very, very bold. She was talking to a guy who was very inebriated. *I* was also out on the porch, having had enough of the no pants party in the party-instigator's room, and not being so shy that I couldn't hang with the dudes. Anyway, I was involved in this conversation. She was very much hitting on this drunk guy, knowing he had a girlfriend. It was humiliating to watch. She asked him all sorts of whine-y things like, "If you didn't have a girlfriend would you have sex with me? High five me if you would...you don't have to say anything." To his credit, he didn't say or do anything. I was trying to explain to her that she wouldn't want him if he would do that or admit to that...then he'd be a cheater or at the very least, a jerk!! She told me she really liked him and all this stuff, but why would she want a dude with a girlfriend who would cheat on her?? Makes no sense.
So after that, which went on for a while--as you can imagine a drunken conversation like that goes, I wander back into the house. I start talking with a guy, and I think my friend might like him, so I introduce them. My friend starts hitting on him (BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU DO AT HOUSE PARTIES!). She talks to him the rest of the night. She thinks he's cute. He clearly likes her, though he doesn't flirt. He has good body language with her. They dance. He doesn't look around for exits. He laughs and smiles a lot. All signs point to him enjoying himself. He reluctantly has to leave due to a work function early the next morning, starts gathering up his stuff, though it is also clear he doesn't want to stop talking to her. Finally, he says good bye and starts walking away. My friend has to actually chase after him and go, "Wait! When am I going to see you again??" She gives him her number and she instigates tentative plans.
WHAT THE HELL.
What kind of place is this?! The girl has to do ALL of the work? I'm all for equal treatment, but this guy was making absolutely no effort, putting himself at zero risk here. Not OK.
Kiwi dudes: Seriously. Grow a pair. Man UP. This isn't, by far, an isolated incident. I've seen it happen again and again and again.
All these observations weren't because I'm bitter and wished I'd get hit on, either. Yes, I was flirting too, but definitely not looking for anything at this party. This brings me to my last observation of the evening: I'm old. I was about five years older than the rest of the party, who ranged from about 24 to 29. I was drinking and very much flirting with the younger guys, however, I knew I couldn't take it too far due to the creeperness of the old lady hitting on the youngin. I was friendly-fun-drunk-flirty, a hook up fairy. (At least, I was
trying. Dudes, work with me!) I kept wishing I were around people my own age. Even if they were doing what these people were doing, it would have made me feel a lot less out of place. I need to start hanging out with over-30 people! Are they all at home with kids or what?! Sigh. That was really the only thing wrong with the evening for me. I mean, how can you beat that entertainment?!
In conclusion: I had heaps of fun and a mean as time at my first real Kiwi house party, bro. Chur chur.
