Self Motivation: How Do I Get It?

I've established that I have my dream job.  Now, I'm just trying to fine tune this job so that it molds around me perfectly.  I'm asking for projects that will allow me to learn more in the sub-topic I think I love and maybe want to get a PhD in, and now, I find myself asking for more work, more deadlines, more.

If anything, my job is lacking structure.  While my bosses are amazing, they are typical Kiwi and extremely lax.  I find myself wishing that they'd give me more to do, push me more, set more deadlines, and be firmer with me.  I wish I had the self-motivation to do everything I want to do without having my bosses assign me the task with a firm deadline and specific expectations, but I don't.  At least, not yet.  I am working on it.  Plus there is the fact that my bosses (at least one of them) wants me to run every little detail by her before acting on it.  So taking the initiative with her just won't work.

Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:

Last February 2009, one of my bosses assigned me to write a report, with no deadline.  I wrote the report and presented it at a meeting last October 2009.  This report JUST went into the final draft.  She kept pushing back the deadline, and I am so ashamed that it took so long!  The subject matter was extremely difficult, and I was very confused and bored by the tedium of researching a topic that was WAY over my head and skill level (at least I know that this particular topic is the wrong field for me to go into!).  This is what happens when I am not given a deadline, though--I keep pushing it off until the last minute.  By the end, I was begging for a deadline so that I could just get it off of my plate, already!  It got so bad that I would make myself tell her that I would have something for her in a week so that I would just get it done and motivate myself to work on it.

I had a meeting with one of my bosses on Thursday.  She had asked me to do a task before I left the country, on top of all the other work I have.  I'm usually very conservative when estimating how much I can get done in the short-term, but I jumped at the chance to prove that I was capable of handling more, and got it completely finished within 24 hours of her asking.  That felt amazing.  When we met on Thursday, we talked a little about what I'd be doing for her while I was overseas (I have to work 5 days over the 2 months while I'm away--yeah, I think I can handle that!!), and she gave me this absolutely absurdly long deadline (a month AFTER I get back from the US) for a task that should take me less than a day to complete.  

I was surprised, and said so, and asked for a quicker deadline than that.  I up-front told her that I work best under firm but reasonable deadlines, and that my time tends to fritter away from me when I am given way too much time to do something.  

I strive to exceed expectations, but this is kind of ridiculous.  I think at my next review, I am going to bring this up.  My goals are too easy at work.  I can handle them with one hand tied around my back.   And while I'm happy in my job now and love everything that I do, I know I am going to get frustrated if I don't start living up to my potential.  So is it their responsibility to make sure that I'm testing my limits, or is it mine?   A little of both?  Time to get my risk-taking hat on.

Every Drop Counts

I cancelled my health insurance this week.  That'll be $45 more in each paycheck!  That will really help while I'm away on my vacation, too--I will get paid 4 times while I'm away!  The savings from doing this more than pays for the emergency health insurance policy I took out to cover me while I'm in the States.  And when I get back to NZ, I'll be fine--I've had all my major-cost appointments while I was on the insurance already.

There is something extra luxurious about watching money accumulate in your bank account while you are spending your days by the pool, catching up on leisure activities, and generally not thinking about work AT ALL.  It is practically my favorite thing in the world!

Additionally, our garage tenant hasn't moved yet, and we just received $80 more for him using our parking space for the next fortnight!

That feeling IS the best--we do nothing different in our lifestyles, and my roommate and I each have and extra $20 a week rolling in.  It doesn't seem like much, but it adds up, let me tell you!   This feeling must be a teeny tiny fraction of what people feel like when they can live off of their interest payments:  something for absolutely nothing!

As a bonus, with this new cashflow, my roommate and I have decided to use some of it to buy some nice things to spruce up our apartment.  She's getting a piece of artwork for our living room (walls are BARE currently) with half of the first payment, and with this second payment, I'm going to suggest that she buy a new fire extinguisher.  (See here for details about why we need one).

Going After What I Want

I think I've mentioned a couple times on here how disappointed I was when a project at work was taken from me unexpectedly a few months ago.  No fault of my own, just a project hungry professor gobbling up opportunities to publish even though he doesn't have time for them (the project ended up going to his grad student, who made it clear to me initially that she didn't have time to do it...and still doesn't).  Anyway, an email came in from my boss today, giving me a task to do and then mentioning off-handedly that they were going to do a project not-quite-as-cool but involving nearly the same skill set as the first project.  This new project would be going to either me, my officemate, or a new research assistant (yet to be hired).  (She said she'd talked to the project hungry professor about this plan, but that is what she said last time, too.  :/)

Of course, I wrote back, saying I'd do the task she gave to me, and then...I basically went ballistic in an effort to claim 'dibs' on the upcoming project.*  I've been getting a little paranoid that in my efforts to maintain a stoic and professional attitude, I forgot to mention to her how very let down I was that the first project was taken from me after putting in nearly two weeks' worth of work and getting very excited about learning something I've always been interested in.  Instead, I made sure that I was extremely cooperative and handed over everything I'd done to prepare for the project, and said that I'd gladly help if it was needed.  Mature and professional, right?  I thought so.

I always think that I'm communicating very directly about what I want, but I tend to downplay or keep negative feelings to myself (in real life...I know it doesn't seem like it if you read my blog, where I regularly pour out my heart), and I think maybe people don't quite realize the extent of my ill feelings if I'm mad or disappointed or upset or whatever.  Especially at work.  This has served me well during the recent XBF debacle.

Also, in real life, I'm of few words.  I don't say something unless I mean it, and I'm not one to change my mind easily once I've made it up.  Basically, if I say I'm going to do something, or that I am interested in something, that won't change.  And I remember if someone tells me something similar about themselves--I just need to hear it once, and I take it as truth.  But not everyone is like me.  I'm positive that in my performance review, before the first project was even suggested, I mentioned that I'd love to learn this particular skill and my boss said that she'd find a project for me involving those skills.  I am wondering if maybe I should have been reminding my boss about that.

So operating on that logic, I wrote a concise paragraph to my boss, explaining that I'm extremely keen to take on the project, to the point that I would volunteer my free time to do it.  And I completely mean it (see earlier paragraph, where I say I don't say stuff if I don't mean it. :)).  I would gladly use up my weekends to learn this particular skill.  I'm so in love with my job, I can't stand it sometimes.

My boss is usually very cool about developing and supporting emerging scientists, so I hope that she gets the message and offers me the opportunity!

(*I didn't steal the project from my officemate!  She already has this particular skill, and when I asked her, she really didn't care about doing it more...it is tedious at points and I think she is sick of it, honestly.)

[ETA:  Boss wrote back "Sounds awesome.  If you can't get to (the task she assigned me) before you leave, it can wait." from my boss.  Hmmm.  That sounds very hem and haw to me, esp. after the enthused email I sent!]

A Good Night's Sleep: Priceless

A week before I go on my 2 month vacation, I'm planning another holiday.  This time, over Christmas and New Year's, and a glorious backpacking trip.  I want to hike the Milford Track or do the Tongariro Circuit--both are 3 day hiking trips!  I've gone on multi-day hiking trips before, but always with large groups.  I finally feel like I can handle it alone.  It has taken a looong time to get to this point, let me tell you!

Growing up, I was quite a prissy girl, not liking feeling uncomfortably hot or cold, and preferring to read a book inside.  I never slept outdoors.   In fact, I never did so until I went camping for the first time at 23.  For someone in the very outdoorsy profession I'm in, that's basically unheard of.   Most of my colleagues have been rock climbing, backpacking, hiking the AT, etc., since they were wee.

I have a very simple excuse for it:  my mom absolutely abhors camping and hiking.  She grew up doing it (my grandparents were extremely frugal and had 4 kids to take on the rare vacation), and only remembers bad things.  She'd much rather be comfortable in the central air, reading or watching a movie.  To be fair, the area I'm from, the South, is incredibly ill suited for comfortable camping:  the winters are cold, the springs and falls last about a week each, and summers are insanely hot and humid, and are snake, Lyme-disease-ridden tick, chigger, poison ivy, and mosquito-infested.  Not to mention the bobcats and bears and rabid raccoons!  So we stayed in hotels whenever we went on vacation, and I didn't know enough about how other people did things to realize that some people camp ON PURPOSE, eschewing hotel rooms.  The closest to camping I got was staying in my grandma's camper on a lake for 2 weeks each summer.  And that had electricity, a fridge, microwave, a stove, a TV, and air-conditioning!

So I've had to work from the ground up (ha ha) to get to a place where I am comfortable going camping.  Once I found my chosen profession, I knew it was something that I needed to try.  Between 23 and 26, during grad school, I made sure to go camping (all car camping) whenever I was invited.  I didn't have a sleeping bag, stove, tent, or any gear, and didn't have the money to invest in them, so I only went when someone could share their stuff.  It was nice, we mostly just slept on the beach (it was a very warm climate).

I took a Wilderness Basics course sponsored by the Sierra Club for 8 weeks when I was 27, thinking that I needed to explore this interest a little more, and to get some sort of formal training in it.  They gave us a rundown of the gear we'd need, and took us on 4 or 5 2-3 day outings where we'd hike 10 miles over rugged terrain in the southern CA desert with our 50+ lb backpacks (I always tried to stuff too much into it).  I loved getting to see places that were off the beaten track, that you couldn't just drive to.  Aside from not having the appropriate clothing or gear, it was great.  I thoroughly enjoyed the freedom and adventure that came with sleeping outdoors, and waking up with the sun.  I rented everything (backpack, sleeping bag, sleeping pads) for each trip, and the guide or my friends that I was with had the rest (tents, stove, pots, camp chairs, etc.).

Then when I was 29, I decided to take more courses in my profession to bone up on what I had missed back in undergrad (my undergrad college didn't offer my chosen profession as a major, just a few broad overview classes [that was enough to get me hooked, though!]).  Anyway, during these classes we had several overnight camping field trips planned.  I finally bit the bullet and bought basic gear with the knowledge I gained from my Sierra Club outings:  a tent, a sleeping bag, a backpack, several sleeping pads.

One thing that put a fly in the camping ointment was my exhaustion.  I never slept well.  I'm a light sleeper by nature, and every little noise, or bump and rock underneath me kept me up.

I bought every thick sleeping pad I could find, and spent hundreds of dollars trying to find a way to get some sleep when outside.  Nothing really worked.  I always ended up with 2 hours of uneasy, ill-gotten sleep a night.  Not a happy camper.  :)

This is where I rave.  Last year, I went to Kathmandu and looked at yet more sleeping pad options.  I don't know why I was even looking, honestly--I had two that I piled on top of one another and it still wasn't enough.  :/  Kathmandu awesomely has samples of each pad in the store, so I tried them all.  It seemed like this one pad was actually a little bit comfortable, so I spent $69 on it.

WOWOWOW.  This is the best sleeping pad I have ever EVER used, and I have tried many.  I actually sleep outside now, and I look forward to camping now!  It also blows up in about two minutes, and is quite lightweight and packs down to about the size of a Nalgene water bottle.  I was researching getting the version with the pump in it because I don't always like blowing it up each night, but that is $135 USD.  Instead, I think I'll get the mini exped pump, which is $13, and try using that.

This sleeping pad is coming with me on my grand US tour, where I am sleeping on many a person's floor and going camping for 2 weeks.  I actually am just as comfortable on it as I am on my bed.  :)

Oh Karma

This week is BIG.  I turn thirty(-fithriven).

Work does this horrible tradition of celebrating employee's birthdays each month.  Last year, I was able to get out of it somehow (I think I was out in the field at the time), but this year I've been cornered.  Not only do I have to endure the whole birthday drama, I am the ONLY July birthday now, so I have to show.  We all know how I abhor company gatherings.  I find it painful and awkward.

Normally it wouldn't be so bad.  I'd go for a few minutes, eat some cake, and leave.  Whatever.

But the admin who usually organizes these things missed last month due to vacation, so she's lumped June and July birthdays together this month.  Guess who has a June birthday (see third paragraph)?  And guess WHO ELSE has a June birthday??

So.  Let's sum this up to show how my company single-handedly has set this up to be the worst birthday ever:  1) I have to socialize with co-workers, with myself as the main focus since the gathering will be ON MY BIRTHDAY 2)  I can't get out of it  3) they also require my Ex and the coworker he cheated on me with to be there.

I realize it has been a long while since the breakup.  I'm over it, but I still choose to not associate with them.  Based on their actions, I don't like who they are.  I feel like crap when I see them, because it reminds me of how I felt when it all went down, and I have to make an effort to be a lady and be nice to them despite my urge to recoil, which drains me.  And it really annoys me that I let him make me feel so terrible about myself--the psychological damage from that still hasn't healed.  So the fact that I HAVE to hang out with them on my birthday--a day that should be special and good and just for me and the things I want to do--makes me want to revolt.

And they are doing this for me as a 'treat?'  A perk of my job?  I'm laughing while I'm crying inside.  It just couldn't work out any worse.  Next year I'm definitely going on vacation over my birthday!

Bosses

As I think I've mentioned before, I have two bosses.  They are both extremely nice and at the top of their respective fields.  I had an amazing 2 hour meeting with one of them today, and towards the end I was feeling really good about the progress we made on a project that I'm in the middle of.  Done with that, the conversation turned to chatting amiably about her other projects, of which there are many, from all over the world, all piling on top of one another.  I was stream-of-consciousness talking by this point, and I started saying how great it was that she was really in demand, because it meant that her good work and talent was noticed and that she was at the top of her field (which she is, she's like the pioneer of this one subject).  It was just my honest uncensored opinion, and I made her blush!  She quickly changed the subject and suddenly the atmosphere was very uncomfortable and awkward and she dismissed me very soon after.  I didn't mean to be a kiss-ass, but I think I was a little bit, looking back.  Whoops.

Is this a Kiwi thing, that tall poppy syndrome?  Never has complimenting someone on an impressive job ended so badly.  I feel like if this had been in the US, she would have said, "I know!  Isn't it great?  I'm so happy about the way it is working out!"  or "Finally, all the hard work pays off!" or something like that.  That would have been my reaction, anyway.  Note to self, check the gushing.  

Traveling Cheaply...But Is It Wrong?

Traveling costs quite a bit of money to do.  However, I also have a lot of friends and acquaintances who travel all the time on very little.  This is a trend that I've seen much of lately.  How do they do it?

Entirely by depending on the kindness of other people.

I know a college freshman who traveled all over Europe during his study breaks, summer breaks, and weekends.  He left his house, stuck his thumb out, and hitchhiked.  Everywhere.  And slept in train stations and homeless shelters.  He has a very affluent family with lots of spending money--never goes without the newest gadget.  He just didn't want to spend his money on this, and wanted to have an adventure and say that he hitchhiked across Europe.  I think there is a special club at his school for this, even.

Two young Austrians came to NZ this past summer and did the same thing.  They slept in the Domain the first night in NZ.  Then they met my friend, and somehow ended up going home with her and sleeping on her floor for several evenings.  Once they were done with Auckland, they hitchhiked around the North and South Islands, doing the same thing.

Some of their stories would appall their mothers--drug and alcohol-addled drivers picking them up and nearly crashing, several sexual attempts...but a benefits vs cost analysis and safety issues are not the point of this post.

These particular guys ended up sleeping on my floor for a few nights when my friend couldn't accommodate them (we had traveled together for a week, camping, and I felt like I knew them well enough by that point; plus, my roommate wasn't home).

Anyway, they got me thinking.  If no one had been nice enough to pick them up, they would have had a very expensive or very boring trip, staying in one place only.  And if they hadn't met my friend, they would have probably gotten pneumonia from sleeping in the rain in the Domain (on the plain...in Spain?).

I have to admit that I have done the same thing--during the first trip to NZ in 2004, my friends and I were traveling around the South Island.  Not understanding how some things worked and being on a pretty tight driving schedule and budget, we thought that we'd be able to get a hostel at any hour of the night, so kept driving til we got tired.  When we finally started looking for hostels, the owners were all in bed for the night.  Even the higher cost hotels weren't taking new guests.  (This was about 9 PM, Americans--yeah, what best western doesn't take new guests at 9 pm?!).  Anyway, we ended up going to the only place open, a movie theatre, where the employees took pity on us when one of my friends started to cry.  The employees called every single hostel and hotel owner that they knew to try to get us beds.  There was absolutely nothing left in the area.  We were too tired to keep driving, so we decided we'd sleep on the ground.  Then it started to rain.  [Wanaka, in March, is FREEZING, anyway, so I'm not sure how well that plan would have worked even without the rain (we had no camping gear with us, either).]  One of the hotel workers had a heart of gold, and told us that he had a addition on his house that was not quite finished but was solid and had a heater and plumbing and a few mattresses and couches, did we want to stay?  We looked at each other and figured it was our only option.  Plus there was three of us and we all had our leatherman knives and were purple belts or higher in tae kwon do--and had the bruises to prove it.  We drove behind the guy for about a half hour in the dark wilderness of the South Island, hoping that this guy wasn't a serial killer about to knock us all off.

In the end, he drove up to a perfectly nice house with an addition with heating, beds, and indoor plumbing.  We couldn't believe our good luck and the generosity of this man!  We left early the next morning, leaving $20 from each of us on a chair by the door.  I still can't believe him.  Also, this experience was an intense bonding moment for my friends and me and this story was one of the highlights from this trip that I will remember always.

Anyway, the point of that story is to say that I have depended on the kindness of strangers, but I didn't count on it.  We didn't ask to go home with him, we didn't plan on not having a place to stay the night, but it happened.  Once.  We learned our lesson and booked our hostels early in the day from that day forward.

To purposely go out in the world and beg when you don't have to--that is what I call cheap.  I don't like it at all!  While I admire their adventurous spirits and understand that the journey is sometimes the destination, I would never want to be in another situation where I would need someone else to survive.  By that same token, I wouldn't want to put someone else out.  I'm not sure what the word is for the charity that they expected and depended on, but it just seems wrong to me.

So:  is it OK to purposely depend on unpaid strangers to facilitate your travels?  What do you think of these situations?  Have you ever done this?  Would you?

Oy, Wedding Gift Dilemmas

Here are just the facts, son:

1)  a dear friend is getting married in August.
2)  I don't know the bride well, nor her taste
3)  they have a registry, but it is all 'fulfilled'--even the garlic press they wanted.
4)  i don't have time to make them something meaningful and personal during the time I am home
5)  i don't have the luggage space to make them something here in NZ and bring it over
6)  i don't have a substantial amount of money to give them outright (maybe $30 NZD?)
7)  i am spending $3000 to come home (of which the timing of flights was mostly determined by this wedding), $200 to fly to their wedding destination from my parents' home, $200 on a rental car, not to mention gas,and another $150 for the cheapest hotel room in the area to attend this wedding.

What should I do?  Is it ever OK to not give a gift at a wedding?

TWO POINT FIVE WEEKS LEFT!!!

Oh my gosh!  I just looked at my calendar, and I only have 2.5 weeks before I go HOME!  The US!  Land of my friends and family and all the foods and everything I so desperately miss!!

Living in NZ for me is basically like living in constant deprivation of my favorite things--friendship, family, certain foods, coupons, lots of choices, etc.  It is not even out of choice, either, it is because they simply don't exist here.  Don't get me wrong, there are a LOT of perks to living here (*ahem* universal healthcare), but OH so many things that I'm used to from the US that I can't get here without $100 USD worth of shipping costs.

Budget is going to be completely blown in August - September.  Imagine if you couldn't buy your favorite things for over a year and then suddenly they were everywhere--yup:  INDULGENCE time.  I don't even like shopping that much, but I very much miss having lots of choices when I go to the store to buy something that I have decided that I need.  It's gotten to the point where I won't even buy any clothes, certain toiletries, or certain snack items here--because I can't find ANYTHING that I like or that is remotely comparable to what I wore/ate/used in the US.  I don't like any of the sweets (slices, cakes, candy, cookies) that they have here, and I don't like any of their snack foods (For snacks, I'm a cheese popcorn and baked cheese puff girl--they don't have these items AT ALL).  I suppose it keeps me healthier and from spending too much, but boy do I miss indulging once in a while!  As far as clothes go, everything I can afford is super-trendy and anyway, falls apart with a few washes and dryer cycles.  Bah!  I just buy everything when I go home (YAY ROSS AND MARSHALL'S AND TARGET!).

I am so incredibly excited!  SO SO SO EXCITED.

But first I have to get through my birthday next week alone.  The two friends I have here are busy that day and weekend, so I'm going to celebrate it alone by baking a cake or something!  Maybe even treat myself to getting takeaway!  It is A-OK, my friends and family will celebrate it with me belatedly in only 3 weeks' time! :)  I love them so much.

Twizzlers!  YES.  OMG, must get packing!

Week 3 Begins

I am really, really enjoying my week-to-week challenge!

Today, July 16, is the conclusion of the second week (I'm using 8-day 'weeks' for this, since the month is 31 days and my overall goal is to save $500 for the month).   I have only spent $94.13 of my allotted $150 this 'week:'

$10 for my eyeglass lenses
$4.90 for busfare
$12 eating out
$20 on that professional society membership
$0.90 for a postcard
$68.11 on groceries

I'm pretty happy about that, especially since this means I have an overage to add onto next week's expenses. My birthday takes place next week, so while I'll try not to spend extra on it, it will be hard not to treat myself. :)

Week 3 begins tomorrow, and I'll have $189.50 to spend.  Hmmm, what should I do for the birthday?  It is usually summertime for this and my family and friends and I go to the beach, have a BBQ, go waterskiing and boating, or some other such outdoor activity.  This year I'll have to come up with something to do indoors.  Bowling?

Paying To Work?

An issue came up in a post this week that has made me think a bit and ask the question in the title.  Membership dues came in for a professional society that I joined last year.  It's a long story, but dues for the next 6 months are only $20, but after that time, dues skyrocket to $100/year.

I paid the $20, reported it here, and Tasha pointed out that since membership is a requirement for work, they should pay it.  This society holds a conference every year, and registration for the conference is $200 more for non-members.  I am required to go to this conference, and my company pays for registration.

So wouldn't it be logical for my company to pay for the membership dues, and pay $100 less in the long run?

Apparently not.  The director of the company has decided that we are responsible for paying our own dues out of pocket.

So guess what?  When the dues increase in 6 months, guess who isn't paying them?  Yeah.  I decided that I refuse to pay in order to work.  My work wardrobe consists of clothes that I wear in my off-time and my commute is 10 minutes walking.  I am going to try to keep my pay-to-work costs at $0 from now on.

One way is to demand an NZ credit card from my company, ie, they pay for the annual fee.  I always lose money when I have to get reimbursed for work, since I don't have an NZ credit card and have to use my US one.  The ONLY reason to get a credit card in NZ is for work expenses--and an NZ cc requires an annual fee to be paid.  They won't give us our own cards or advances.  I always lose money on the conversions from NZD to USD to pay off my cc.

How much do you pay to work?  What is your limit?

I Wish I Understood...

Dude.  I totally do not understand my retirement funds.  Here in NZ, I'm in the Kiwisaver, and check my balances monthly and am slightly confused about a couple of things there.  I just received a statement for the 2009-2010 financial year, and it raises more questions!

Maybe you all can help:

1)  I contribute every single paycheck, but my 'contributions amount' on my online account hasn't changed since May 2010.  Why?  Will I still be credited my entire contributions amount for my gov't tax credit, even if it doesn't show up online?

2)  Returns for my funds in 2009-2010 were 48.1% and 20.5% after tax and admin fees are factored out.  WHAT?  I mean, that's rad...but really?  That 48.1% return is CRAZY talk.  I would be happy with 8%...it just feels like something's weird there.  The table is entitled, "Returns by each pool to March 2010 (after tax of 30% PIR and investment management fees)."  Doesn't that mean that the fund I invested in returned 48% last year??  I made about $60 last year (and promptly lost it all plus $100 more!).

Meanwhile, my US funds have barely changed in the past year.  Through all the ups and downs, they stay the same.  Even though I have them invested in the highest-risk index funds available...

Tightwads

After indulging myself on the WTF-ness of a documentary on hoarding (W.T.F.!), there was a link to a special on extreme frugality, and it piqued my interest.  I could relate to it a little bit, but not entirely...I don't think I'd ever hang up wet toilet paper to dry or live in a van!  

Definitely check it out!  (Link is to Part 1...the rest should pop up on the sidebar or after part 1 is finished playing in youtube).

Oof, This is Hard

Soooo...I have a $150/week allowance.  This week, I'm already down to $48.  I had to pay $20 towards membership in a professional society that I belong to (don't get to go to the conference later this year if I'm not a member...and I'm required to go by my bosses).  It was totally unexpected--they don't usually send these out now but they just merged with another society so everything's all wonky.  Work won't pay for it, so that was my responsibility.  I've spent $60 on groceries already this week, and will probably need more for a main course in a few days.  The main course I banked on is not filling me up and I keep eating junk food to make up for it (NOOOOO!).

I also bought a postcard for my aunt who gets really hurt if she thinks I've been ignoring her (I have) and paid $4.40 in busfare the past few days to get to the grocery store and to the bar I watched the rugby game at on Saturday night.  We ended up starving so we went to Denny's and I spent $12 there.

And that's how I have only $48 left for this week.

Luckily for me, we have rented out our garage, for sure!  $40 pw in the bank extra (my share is $20).  The first week's garage payment will go to buying a nice piece of art for our wall--roommate has her eye on something at the Warehouse that is $40.  The rest will end up going towards my electricity bill, which is mounting daily.

I also need a few gifts for people I'm going to see during my trip.  I think these tea towels are SO CUTE!

Late July Goals

I wrote this post a while ago but for some reason it hasn't posted yet.  Silly Blogger.

To all my fellow Americans, Happy 4th!  I am going to a party today and going to pretend I am eating fresh corn on the cob, grilled hotdogs, grilled cheeseburgers, and juicy, drip-down-my-chin watermelon, spelling my name out in sparklers (how come no NZ holidays involve sparklers??!), and pretend I'm near a beach or pool in the hot summer sun to celebrate.

This July, I'm gearing up for my 2 month trip to the US starting in August.  Most of this month will be prepping for that, and getting work done!

Goals for July:

1. make list of things needed to buy in America:  from ebay, new NZ laptop cord, new charger cord for ericsonn phone, underwear/bras, socks, white work shirts, other work shirts, ergonomic mouse, new skype headset, Diva Cup, headbands, cute shoes, fun board games. *DONE*
2. pack for family reunion (on lake/beach), wedding, sight-seeing trip, day trips to beach and mountains, two week camping road trip, party weekend in SoCal.  Somehow fit all that I need into into 2 suitcases?! *DONE*  Fit into 1 (large) suitcase!
3. finalize road trip itinerary and make list of necessary camping items to bring with me.
4. plan to do list for fam reunion, while at home, while in northeast and while in SoCal
5. buy health emergency health insurance for 2 months while in US *DONE*  was $86 total for two months!
6. get Adobe Illustrator Suite on my laptop. (wrote email to people at work 7/2) *FAIL* but fixed!  Installed Corel Draw instead!
7. Install GIS software after July 31 for laptop.  *DONE*
8. Call friends #1 and #2 to prep for road trip and travels.
9. clean house before leaving
10. make playlists and download awesome music for trips.  Finish organizing music.  *DONE*
11. clean, de-spy, de-adware, de-malware computer .  Finish organizing photos.  *DONE*
12. make new back up restore point on D:/  *DONE*
13. back up laptop on hard drive.  *DONE*
14. make list of things to do while in US (finalize will, make master accounts list, back up laptop, go through bins, return some clothes/NZ items, etc.)
15. Floss every day.  *DONE*
16. Save $500 NZD over $340 normal long-term savings toward 2011 US Travel trip (only spend $150/week on eating out, groceries, cell phone, medical, and misc) *DONE* & Saved $600!

My History of Health Care Coverage

I've had a varied history with health care, but I've ALWAYS been covered.  When I was in college and up until graduate school (2000), I was covered under my Mom's plan at work.  In graduate school, I was covered by my University and doctor's appointments at Student Health were always free (until June 2004).  It was fantastic!

Then I had a 3 month break between grad school and getting a new job in a new city.  I paid well over $300/mo for COBRA coverage...and I've never been diagnosed with ANY chronic or major conditions.  That hurt each month, paying for that while having no job, $11K in debt (including $3K in high-interest student loans), and trying to set up in a new city 3000 miles away from my parents and all of my family and friends.  

(For the foreigners: COBRA is a US law that says that you are allowed to keep your current health plan if you pay for it 100% out of pocket after you separate from your job, for up to 18 months.  The cost out of pocket is usually over $300 and for coverage of whole families, that figure is often over $1000!  When employed, a lot of that cost (80%? or so) is covered by your employer.)  

When I got a job in that new city, I was eligible for healthcare, partly subsidized by my employer.  I think that the premiums were about $115/mo pre-tax (including dental and vision).  

I went part-time at that job in August 2007.  Since part-time employees (under 32 hours/week) do not get health benefits, I opted for health insurance from a plan listed on ehealthinsurance.com instead of the crazy COBRA and while I prepared to move overseas.  While dental was only $16/mo, the medical portion was about $50 per month but covered almost nothing and I had no prescription coverage.  I had crazy co-pays and co-insurances and some things were counted against the deductible and some things were not.  I had bills rolling in for a year after I had my immigration medical under this plan.  But at least I was covered in case of a major emergency.

(deductible:  a maximum amount of $ that you pay out of pocket for health care services.  Once you have paid this amount, your health care plan covers the rest of the cost.  You can opt for very high deductibles ($5,000 - $10,000) in exchange for a low monthly premium for your health care plan.  Usually opting for high deductibles lowers your monthly premiums.

co-pay:  a mandatory cost out of pocket for things like doctor's appointments.  You pay this EACH time you visit the doctor, even for follow ups or Xrays ordered by your doctor, etc.  I've had these range from $5 to $30.  They add up!

co-insurance:  You pay a percentage of the cost of all health care even after your deductible is reached.  These can range from 0% (rare) to 50% or more, from what I've seen.)

After I moved to NZ, I was covered under my domestic partners' student plan.  This was about $450/year, I believe.   All of my Dr's appointments at the University's student health were free!  I loved that.  Too bad the doctors didn't take me seriously.

I paid for that plan until February of this year (they are yearly plans, and he let me stay on after we broke up last January 2009 because I wasn't yet a permanent resident and wasn't eligible for any health care).   I cancelled my plan this February, and since I am a permanent resident now, I am eligible both for the national health care system and to buy my own private insurance if I want.  

Not knowing how the US health insurance companies would react if I came back to the US with some horrid condition, after not having a plan in NZ, I opted to buy a private health care plan just in case.  And since dental and vision is EXPENSIVE here, and you can't buy just dental or vision plans, I had to buy the whole pricey shebang.   $100/mo post tax, in fact!

See yesterday's post to see why I am canceling this insurance policy.

Health Care and Moving Back to the US

OK, OK, I've been hinting a lot lately about how I'm going to cancel my health insurance policy here in NZ.  Now that I'm a resident, I really don't need it, but I was afraid that I would suffer for that when I moved back to the States.  I did a little more research recently, though, and I discovered this link and also this link, the most important part of which is this excerpt (bold mine):

"Most health coverage is HIPAA creditable coverage, including prior coverage under a group health plan (including a governmental, church plan or a group health plan in a foreign country), health insurance coverage (either group or individual), Medicare, Medicaid, a military-sponsored health care program for members or certain former members of the uniformed services, and for their dependents, a program of the Indian Health Service, a State high risk pool, the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program, a public health plan (including any plan established or maintained by a State, the US Government, a foreign country or any political subdivision of a State, the US Government or a foreign country), a health benefit plan provided for Peace Corps members and title XXI of the Social Security Act (State Children's Health Insurance Program)."

So guess what?!  I'm totally covered even without the fancy schmancy health care plan.  I've paid out $450 in premiums thus far, but have been reimbursed $695 for my dental and optical visits and glasses, etc.  Not bad!   If ever there were a time to cancel, it's now, when all of my pricier medical visits are over.  There is no need for me to keep paying for it while I'm on vacation in the US for two months, anyway--it isn't valid there.

I also have a genius plan for my time in the US.  I bought catastrophic health insurance for $86 USD for two months instead of paying the INSANE amount for travel insurance in NZ.   Travel insurance for the US from NZ for the same amount of time costs $300 NZD!

My $150 Weekly Budget

I calculated that I needed to spend less than $150 per week in July to make my $500 savings goal for the month.  This month is particularly tight because I have to pay rent 3 times instead of the normal 2.  BOO.

The first week went OK--not too bad.  I spent $146.37.

The second week has started, and I've already spent $10 on my lenses for my glasses.  With the overage from last week, I have $143.63 left to spent this week on groceries, medical, misc, cell phone, and eating out.  I can do that, right?

I think Electricity is going to go WAY OVER this month and blow my whole plan, though.  I budget $100/month, but we're already at $81 just for my share, buying the cheapest electricity through powershop.  My roommate has GOT to stop using the dryer every day and heating up the large living room and leaving all the lights on, even in rooms she hasn't been in for hours.

I like this weekly-budget game.  I've only ever budgeted monthly before, and checked in every once in a while to see how I was doing.  It would be constricting after a while, but I think I'm going to do it every so often as an extra challenge to myself.

Grumpelstiltskin

I have been SO GRUMPY lately!!  It is horrible.  I get annoyed at the littlest things, and am constantly sighing in exasperation.  I don't even have a good excuse for it, either.

In between being totally exasperated, I'm not particularly stressed about anything and feel generally optimistic.  My holiday plans are shaping up, and I'm so psyched about people flying in from all over the country just to see lil old me!  I will get to see nearly everyone I love during my trip.  The ones I won't get to see, I saw in February-March of this year when they visited me here in NZ.

I turned in my frames to get the lenses replaced today.  It cost me $10 out of pocket (lenses were $410). They could be in my possession as soon as tomorrow!

Also, someone is coming by to see my garage tomorrow to see if they want to rent it.  We keep getting so excited about people contacting us to see it...I am crossing my fingers that this works.  Anything is better than nothing, at this point, so I dropped the price to $40 pw and plastered flyers all over.

All good stuff!  But when something annoying happens, no matter how little?  I pitch a total tantrum in my head, and sometimes out loud to my officemate or roommate.  As soon as I deal with the problem, I'm fine again.  Then an hour later, something else happens and the cycle starts all over again.

I guess it is the cold weather/lack of sun (even though this winter has been so nice!)?  That, plus the fact that work has been going a little less smoothly lately, plus the fact that I haven't seen my family in over a year...I think it is all getting to me little by little.

I don't know if I can go a whole year again without seeing the fam.  I just don't.  It is really bad for my mental situation.

A Little Extra Cash from Expedia...

A long, long time ago, I got an email that seemed like a hoax--there was a class-action lawsuit against Expedia, and I was contacted because I was one of their customers.  I guess I signed up to waive my future rights to sue, and in return I was going to get Expedia credit when the lawsuit was settled.

Looks like it wasn't a hoax--today I received an email alerting me to the coupon deposited in my account.  A whole $10.17!  :)

A little goes a long way.  I have to book a hotel for Boston because it looks like my friend will be in moving limbo and won't be able to put me up in her apartment when I visit in August.  I think I will keep Expedia in mind when it comes time to book my hotel.

Budget Disaster Averted!

I think I've found a solution to my budget-busting eyewear dilemma.  And it wasn't even one of my listed options--just typing that out last night got me thinking outside of the box.

However, for future reference, option #1 is a go!  My insurance will allow me to buy glasses in the US as long as my prescription is from an NZ approved doctor.  This is what they wrote to me:

"Dear Ms Sense:

Prescription lenses and/or frames purchased overseas are able to be claimed under your glasses benefit provided they have been prescribed by a New Zealand registered optometrist.

The refund for this will be the actual cost up to $400 NZD per claims year. Your claims year is 1 March each year."

Hurray!  I also remembered that Zenni Optical took my NZ prescription last year (actually, I don't think they even asked for it...), so I think that most places in the US will accept a NZ prescription (this is backed up by j., thanks for the comment!).

I decided that Option #2, just go for it!, was a really bad one.  It would mean that I would have to pay nearly $400 out of pocket and save almost nothing this month, and I have some major purchases and money-bleeding coming up while I'm away in the US in August and September.  I don't want to cut back when I'm on vacation.  I want to be able to enjoy it, guilt-free. I felt trapped into paying a lot, though, since glasses are something I wear EVERY DAY.  If I don't spend money on that, what should I spend my money on?!

So with these realizations/info, I have a whole new set of options.  And I think I've found the perfect solution.  

New Option #1:  The glasses I bought last year from Zenni optical (love them!) with my old NZ prescription are sitting on my shelf here, in my room, as a back up pair.  I can't really wear them, though--my NZ prescription last year (from Auckland Uni's Optometry school) is WRONG and basically unwearable.  However, I tried the frames on and the frames are almost exactly what I was looking for.  Sometimes it really is right under your nose (or on top of it)!  Soooo...I can use my $400 allowance on new lenses for the Zenni frames and pay $0 out of pocket!  And I could cancel my health insurance as soon as I'm reimbursed.  Win and win!  Fantastico!

If that fails, I can always just go to the US and get new frames/lenses.  I would have $280 USD to use towards this.  I think that is enough (it is plenty for Zenni Optical, that is for SURE).

I'm so glad I found an acceptable resolution to this budget problem.  I was really dreading paying hundreds of dollars for glasses, but at the same time, I knew I'd have them for a long time, so I was justifying the cost to myself.  

Whew.  This is when I'm glad I am so anal.  I think I'm saving myself quite a chunk of money by being so tenacious with this.   I'm a budget pit bull!

Finding the Perfect Frame, Part II

Whoo boy.  I took some time today to look for frames again.  I want to make my decision, order the frames and lenses, and get reimbursed by my health insurance company ASAP so I can cancel my policy and start banking $90 more every month!  (more on that later)

Today I went to every frames-offering optical office on the LINK bus route.  I've been all up and down Queen St, and so today I went to Ponsonby and Newmarket, with no luck.  Nothing is perfect.  Every time I think I've found them, I ask the sales assistant for their opinion, and they say 'Not it.'  I've come close, and have a back-up pair in mind, but they still aren't exactly what I'm looking for.

And today I added another puzzle piece to the mix--the cost of lenses.  It turns out that for my prescription, I need the special thin 1.67 lenses that cost $320 or more, plus places usually charge a 'fitting fee' of $30.  So that is my $400 right there.  The cost of the frames will have to be on my tab and this means that the entire cost of frames + lenses could be over $800!  Yowza!  I might as well just get LASIK!

I now have several options I'm considering.  First, I need to call my insurance company and see if they will reimburse me for buying glasses in the US, and if US eye places will take an NZ prescription.  If they will, I can just wait until I go home to get some affordable frames + lenses.  Frames and especially lenses are a lot cheaper there.  Even without insurance, if optical companies will take my prescription, I could end up paying less than I would here, out of pocket.  This is option #1.

Option #2 is to pay what I need to pay to get the frames that look the best and are of the best quality.  The frames I'm looking at are $400.  I tried them on again today, and they feel the best on my face.  I still am not entirely 100% in love with them, though.  The opticians are ordering the style in several more colors to see if they are any better on my face.  Lenses for them are $320 + $30 at my local eye doctor.  OPSM charges $370 + $30 fitting fee for the same lenses.

I think I need to check around for different prices.  It could be that I go to one doctor for my eye exam, buy my frames from another, and get lenses put in from a third!

Option #3 is to go with the cheapie pair that I found.  They don't look as good on my face, but the package deal (lenses + frames + eye exam) is $359.  That is probably for standard lenses, though, and I will have to upgrade and pay more for my special lenses.

Finding the Perfect Frame

I have a $400 allowance for a new pair of frames + lenses.  I thought this was a lot of money until I started looking!

Unfortunately, I haven't found any frames that I love, after looking for approximately 3 blocks of time, each about 3-4 hours long.  I don't normally take so long to find things that I like, but I will be wearing these glasses every day for probably the next 5 years (like my current pair).  This means that a) it is worth it to put in a few days of looking around for the perfect pair, and b) it is worth paying over $400 to get a pair I'm in love with, if necessary.

Lenses tend to run about $200.  I don't know if that is for the ultra-thin lenses, which I really want, or if that is just the standard lens with UV and reflective coating.

That leaves me with $200 for frames.  Unfortunately, most of the frames I've seen have been over $300.  Yowza!

I wonder if my insurance will reimburse me for frames from the US?  I will have to look into this...

Retirement Funds

I think my retirement funds are broken.

I've invested them 100% in stocks.  No cash, no bonds, ALL stocks.  ...Because I use the argument that I am young and am more than 30 years away from retirement, so I can weather the exposure to the wet and whims of sudden storms.  I've invested in pretty good low-fee index funds, too--Vanguard has some of the best!

You know a few months ago, when stocks were gaining like crazy, and consequently, everyone's net worth was skyrocketing?

Mine did not.  My funds stayed exactly where they were before, plus/minus maybe $5.

Now, when stocks are decreasing like crazy and consequently, everyone's net worth is tanking?

Mine are not.  They are within $5 of where they were months ago when stocks were increasing.

I can't solve this mystery.  I've looked at everything I can think of.  Boo.

What is going on?

My Week

Another week, gone like the wind.

While I enjoy my job, I am feeling less than challenged lately.  The loss of two major projects I had going for one of my bosses have left me somewhat aimless.  I fill the time with random tasks, but it doesn't feel like I'm getting anything done.  Meanwhile, my other boss is concerned that I have too much on my plate for her, and despite my insistence that I can get everything done (I really can...plus some!), she is hiring someone to take some of my work.  Really?   So now I have to waste the time I have training someone else so that I can feel aimless and bored in the other half of my job?  Ick.

Hmmm.  It is a very odd dichotomy.  Too little, 'too much.'  I feel like I'm not getting enough done with the time I have--like I could be learning a lot more than I am, doing more than I am, being more than I am, if they would just challenge me, pressure me, give me more.  MORE!  I want to be a voracious eater of work, with multiple deadlines, myriad projects, and learning lots of new things.  With my contract ending next year, I can see time running out, and my opportunities to learn more swirling down the drain with it.

The opportunities are there--I can see them.  It's just if they will allow me to do them.

I am going to fulfill my obligations until I leave for my vacation.  When I get back, though, I am going to present my first boss with several different projects, if she hasn't come up with anything for me to do by then!

June 2010 Goals RoundUp

3)  Make eye appointment; get new glasses.

• Will be done in July; appt is for July 3.  Will have to pick out some glasses and get them before I leave the country...hopefully by August?

11)  Research ergonomic mice for carpal tunnel.

• Have researched but not chosen one or bought one.  Need to do this while in US because they are WAY cheaper there.

15)  Clean and organize photo files.

• 50% done with this.  I keep getting distracted!  

16)  Clean and organize music files.  

• 90% done with this.  There are a few songs I still need to ID, and I need to go through again and make sure I delete any repeats of the same songs.

18)  Defrag and clean hard drive.  

• Will do this when my music and photo files are organized.

19)  Clean spyware, unused programs, startup files, and adware off of computer.

• ditto. (reverse 18 and 19, though)

20)  Make new backup restore point. 

• ditto.

21)  Go to yoga or pilates or a dance or kickboxing class 1 x week.

• nope.  Tried to get a group together to do this but no-go.

22)  Strength train 3 x week.

• I think I did this twice...the whole month!  Bad Me.

23)  Call friend #1.

• Nope!  I'm a terrible friend.

24)  Call friend #2.

• Nope!  Even worse friend.

25)  'Spring' clean apartment, from top to bottom.

• Nope!  even worse roommate.

1)  Floss every day.  *DONE*

2)  Get teeth cleaned.  *DONE*

4)  Save $400 above long-term savings ($740 total).  *DONE* Doubled it!  Saved $966 and change!

5)  Clean dust out of laptop. *DONE* (with questionable results...sigh.)

6)  Upgrade internal hard drive to 250 GB or higher in laptop as stop-gap measure--instead of new laptop!  *DONE*

7)  Order L birthday present.  *DONE*

8)  Pay tax owed.  *DONE*

9)  Pay difference in Kiwisaver by June 30 (to get full tax credit).  *DONE*

10)  Investigate if my fave american snack can be shipped over to NZ.  *DONE* (No.  :( )

12)  Make car rental reservations for SD and Boston.  *DONE*

17)  Clean and organize other files. *DONE*

13)  Host 1 game night.  *DONE* Hosted 1 and attended another.  Yay!

14)  Upgrade laptop RAM.  *DONE*

13 goals done, 4 started but not completed, and 8 not done.  I think 25 goals/month is maybe too many for me?

Half Year Check-In

Whoo Boy!  Where has the time gone?!  We're at the half-way mark for 2010, and I figured I'd give myself a break at the end of the year and check in at this point to see how I'm doing for the year on my goals and financially.  Am I on track?  What can I do differently?  How much have I saved/earned/spent?

According to my budgeting spreadsheet (in Excel, which I adore), I have spent $12,552.73 this year on regularly budgeted items.  I've also spent $200 from my laptop fund, $3500 in my 2010 US travel fund, and $3000 from my Travel NZ fund on upgrading my laptop, planning a trip home to the US in August-September 2010, and traveling around the South Island and to Vanuatu with friends in February-March 2010, respectively.  All of this was saved last year or the year before that, so I'm not sure how to count it in my overall budget.

I obviously still need to track what I have spent outside of my regular normal budget--those figures ($3,500 and $3,000) are not as accurate as they could be.

Here's the breakdown:

• I've spent $2,193.21 on groceries.  Ay carumba!  I'm at 45.7% of my goal for the year (obviously, the lower this percentage, the better!).
• $336.65 on internet costs, or 46.8%.
• $419.59 on electricity, or 35% (winter will make up for this low use-percentage!).
• I have spent $426.90 on eating out and fast food this year, or 35.6%.
• Charities have given $199.52 of my money, or 33.3% of my goal.
• I don't talk a lot, but somehow I've spent $317.23 on my cell phone, skype, and V8 card (35.2%).
• Medical issues have cost me $113.94, or 16.7% for the first 6 months of the year.  Insurance isn't counted in this, as it is taken out of my paycheck and I never see it--I only count what gets deposited into my bank account as income.
• Miscellaneous spending is at $3,085.59--the only category that is over-budget at 51.4%.

In the Misc category, I've spent:

Alcohol:  $233.48

Goods and Wants:  $1,228.42

Entertainment:  $355.07

Fees and Stupid Tax:  $135

Gifts:  $73.98

Transportation:  $203.18

Travel:  $910

Travel doesn't include my South Island road trip, which was $2,215.21, or my trip to the US, which is approximately $3500, or my trip to the South Pacific, which was half paid for during 2009.  It does count my road trip around Cape Reinga and my food and lodging during my Dunedin trip, though.

Goods and Wants doesn't include my laptop upgrades, which were $200 total.

I have earned $19,387.02 thus far this year at work.  Paid $6 in 2009-2010  taxes, got $1,038 in taxes back from 2008.  Their tax year is from April - March, so it is hard to tell exactly how much I've been paid in 2010, or how much interest I've made.  Those are just estimates...

Southern Cross Health Insurance Premiums:  $346.24 since March, when it started.  I will be getting rid of this $90/month premium after I complete my eye exam/new glasses and before I visit home for 2 months (can't use the insurance there!).  Eliminating this monthly cost will help immensely with travel medical insurance while I'm in the States.  Also, this coverage will basically have paid for itself plus some, by then--my dental fees were $225 and my vision will be $470, all reimbursed.

SAVINGS:

I've saved $340 each month into Long-term Savings Goals.  I've also saved $4,000 towards an Oz trip and $2,004 in my 2011 US trip fund, but $1038 of that was from my reimbursed tax from 2008.  Sooo...of my earned income, I've saved $7,006, or 36% so far this year.  Some of that was from interest earned on my savings accounts, but I am too lazy to break that out right now.

Kiwisaver:  $532.68--enough to get the full tax credit next July, at this rate!