New Year's Heave

Tomorrow is NYE!! and, I'm feeling my old age for the first time--I have NO PLANS.

I haven't spent it at home/alone since I was in high school--I've always had plans with people in my hometown (if I was here), in New York City, in DC, in CA, or Honolulu! This year, however, I failed to ask anyone what was up until the last minute--I just sort of assumed with all the people I knew at home, someone would invite me somewhere. Alas, I overestimated my popularity here...

Everyone here is either spending the time with the kids they've had in between my last NYE in VA and now, or with their extended families, or at a house party where I don't know the people (and they aren't at liberty to invite me). :( As for my other, non-hometown friends, they are in Cabarete (I had never heard of it until a few days ago!), Hong Kong, or elsewhere in the US--no funds are available for any traveling, esp. now that I am in debt again!

So, in the absence of REAL plans, I've convinced my mom and dad to hang out with me. We're going to try that new Natural Pizza Hut pizza, grab some movies (I still haven't seen 'Wall-E'), and play Wii and scrabble and other games. I am the lamest 30 year old ever. I bet one of us goes to bed before 12 am!

Since we are gluttons for punishment, my sister is supposed to come, too. This is not going to go well. Thank goodness, luck shone down on us and my aunt and uncle haven't heard anything from social services about my cousins.

I leave for NZ this Friday. I'm so sad to go! This is the longest I've spent at home for four years. As my parents get older and the problems mount, it gets tougher and tougher to leave them. And it is going to be hard to go back to the NZ life--I still haven't found my groove there, and the BF becoming an EX-BF and living with him for the next 5 months is going to make it even more challenging. Home is a safe place--people love me, I don't have to worry about relationships, work, or money, really, but it has its own issues, and staying here would make it too easy to hide from real life.

I started packing tonight. Unfortunately, I only get 2 suitcases at 50 lbs each to take back with me, or else I have to pay $200 PER BAG that's overweight. You'd think 100 lbs of stuff would be enough, but it's not!!! I've been weighing the suitcases on the Wii Fit board. :) It has many handy uses.

Computers Hate Me

My mom got a laptop computer from my Dad this Christmas (with PAYMENTS--these people never listen to me!), and I was trying to hook up the new laptop and printer to the wireless network, when all of a sudden Verizon cut off our DSL link. For some reason, my laptop still is connected to the internet, but the desktop can't through the hardline (my mom's new laptop is now connected through my laptop, which is hardlined into the modem and router). The desktop doesn't have a wireless card, so it's kaput for now, but the point of all this is: I have a very unreliable internet connection right now, and may not be able to post much in the next week or so.

My sister continues to be very ill. She came over for Xmas eve for the family gathering, with us hoping that her new meds had kicked in. They haven't. Of course it was a disaster, with her calling Social Services on my aunt and uncle, because she thought that they were abusing my 15 and 13-year old cousins. I really hope SS knows my sister's reputation, because while my aunt and uncle are NOT abusing my cousins, I've seen enough Lifetime to know that that is more of a 'guilty-til-proven-innocent' charge than not. Good Lord, where will this end?

I really hope that your Christmases/festivities were very cheerful and happy!

Happy Holidays!

Whether you are celebrating Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa or another seasonal celebration, enjoy it!

I'm taking a break from the nonsense that is my family tomorrow--I'm driving about an hour north to meet one of my best friends EVAH for lunch and some browsing. The rest of my dad's family (sans my sister, uncle, and grandma...so sad) is coming over to my parents' house that evening. We'll go to church for the Xmas Eve service (my favorite!!) and then come back for dinner and presents.

Enough!

Enough of the sister drama. Time for a break. This morning I've already distracted myself by scanning 3 photo albums worth of photos (sooo many more to go), shampooing all the rugs and cloth furniture in the house, cleaning the bronze handles and namepiece on my parent's woodstove (see here), and sanding and painting two wooden Xmas tree ornaments that my mom intends to give out as Xmas gifts to family.

(I used the salt-flour-vinegar combo on the bronze, worked like a charm.)

Later, I'm (crazily) going shopping today with my $50 Old Navy gift card, awarded to me by Capital One for being a good consumer. I'm also armed with the $10 off $50 coupon, last seen on Revanche's site. I'm just glad that in SoVA, on it's WORST, busiest shopping day, is not one-tenth as busy as anywhere in SoCal on a normal day!

I'm Struggling...

...to figure out how my life will be without my sister. Not exactly without her, but definitely with her in a lesser role than she always has been. She's been the most important person for at least the last 20 years--we fought alot growing up, but then right about the time I became a freshman in HS, we suddenly became very close. She became someone I could trust not to go to Mom and Dad when I needed her to keep a secret, she became my sounding board, and she became my rock. My most cherished memories with her are chatting with her, driving to school, on those rare occasions when my mom would let me borrow the car. The radio blasting, we'd talk the whole fourty-five minute commute to school and back, about things I couldn't tell even my other 'best friends' in H.S. So to not be able to tell her things anymore, or count on or trust in her, well, it's going to leave a big void that I have to somehow fill up in another way now.

The boundaries are the hardest part--how can I still be her sister and care for her without being so involved when I see or hear her hurting herself?

Yesterday she had some drama with my dad and ended up busting out of her group home to go see a lawyer to go sue him and at the very least, get him arrested.

I think I'm better off just not knowing the details of her latest life-ruining scheme is. Today, she did something else, but I refused to listen when my dad tried to tell me about it, even though I wanted to know! My dad said it was something illegal. Every time I hear something bad about her, I get concerned, I get angry, I get emotional. And then the next time I talk to her, I want to bring it up, ask her about it, and try to figure out what she was thinking so I can help her not do it again. I obsess with how to help or make her life better. But again, what I'm doing is just stressing ME out and not helping her one iota. So--I'm going to try to just not know so many details. Which means less talking to her and telling my mom and dad to only tell me need-to-know details, like if she's in the hospital or not.

I think the hardest part is that sometimes she's semi-reasonable and I think I can trust her again. Then she gets sick again. So, sometimes the rules apply, and sometimes not.

Anyway, figuring this out is going to be a tough road.

Blech. This whole drama has taken over my life, my blog, my waking hours. I don't know how my mom and dad do this year in, year out!

I Have to Laugh...So I Don't Cry

Ha. If you ever have wondered what I look and act like off-line, look no further. About 5 of my acquaintances have called me up or messaged me on facebook or myspace to tell me that the geeky girl from Momma's Boys reminded them of me.

I hadn't caught this gem of a show yet, but I researched it on YouTube this evening and OH MY EFFING GOD. Are they serious? I don't dress that bad! Or wear my hair like Heidi! Or act so anxious! I know they don't mean to do so, but I'm slightly offended! However, to concede a little, if I hadn't heard the previous comparisons to myself, I would have found her kind of adorably charming, even as I pitied her social awkwardness. Her portion is from 0:24 through 0:38.

In addition to my debt, I guess it's time to work on my grace.

Deal of the Day

HERE is a link to alot of discounts for many, many retailers, if you use your VISA card to order.

I personally used it today in conjunction with a $25 Barnes and Noble gift card I found randomly when searching through my drawers a few days ago. The gift card was left over from last Christmas. There's no B&N within an hour of my parent's house, so the only way I was going to use it was online, and I'm never home long enough to receive the shipped packages...until this vacation.

For the curious, I received free shipping and 10% off my order of New Moon and Eclipse, books 2 and 3 of the Twilight series. They are oddly sold out of those two books in all of my local Targets, bookstores, and WalMarts. I then added code U9C9L4K to get an additional 10% off (if you are a BN member, you can find codes to get at least 15% off at retailmenot.com).

Less than $22 was taken from my gift card, so I have $3 left on it. I will take these books to NZ and sell them (books there are EXPENSIVE). I can probably get at least $20 for each, if not more for all four books in the series. The whole set was selling for over $100 on trademe, the last I checked.

My Awesome Deal of the Day

Ann Taylor hunter green work pants from the Rugged Warehouse, marked down to $14.99. When I got to the register, it rang up as $7.99! With .40 cents tax, I spent $8.39.

Lunch was about $7.

A Mixed Bag

So, lunch went ok. Kind of. My dad was supposed to take my sister to her doctor appointments today (again, what are we paying the state workers to do if not this kind of thing? How do ill people without relatives with vehicles and spare time get to the doctor?), but my sister rebelled and said my dad was 'too tired' to drive her, and she didn't feel safe with him, so I had to take her. Unfortunately, her appointment was at the same time as my planned lunch today. So I had to miss half of it to drop her off and pick her up again. We went shopping after lunch and after I picked my sister back up.

Unfortunately, my sister was not herself, and the people I was meeting with hadn't seen my sister since high school, before she got sick. While shopping and while we were talking outside, she kept making very weird remarks and stopping the conversation. No one knew what to do, and I felt bad for bringing her, so I left after about 10 minutes to take her back to her group home.

I know it must feel horrible for my sister to feel like she was weird or didn't fit in, but she keeps doing things that make her stick out. She cries because she's overweight or in debt or socially awkward, but then she makes it worse by eating terribly or buying something or telling random people that she's going to sue them. The most recent thing I discovered is that she bought a diamond ring for about $3,000--someone actually gave her credit...and the shop owner that sold her the ring remembered her today because of the huge sale it was. When I asked her where the ring was, my sister said she pawned it for groceries one day for a few hundred bucks.

I know it's terrible of me, but I have no hope left that she'll be able to sort her life out. I'm tired of being dragged in the middle of it, of saving her from herself, of giving advice, of constantly worrying. She used to be my best friend, but now she hates me, says I'm the cause of all her problems, and there's nothing good there anymore. She actually grabbed the steering wheel the other day to run my mom and I off the road going 65 mph, and now I'm honestly scared for my life when she's around sometimes.

I hate to say this, or act on it, but she's too far gone for me to call her my friend anymore--she's just someone I'm related to that has a lot of problems. Every trace of the person I knew ten years ago is GONE. For my own sanity, I think I'm better off letting her be a mess and not hearing about it, and letting the state deal with her. I feel like a horrible person, but I can't keep putting myself in the same situation over and over again and expecting different results. It's time to do something different.

Exhausted

It's my vacation, and it feels n.e.v.e.r.e.n.d.i.n.g. I am so tired. I'm slightly dreading going back to NZ, because of the whole re-adjustment to different foods and insane prices coupled with the BF issue, BUT it is a whole different kind of stress compared to being here and, 1) trying to keep my dad from smoking and eating sugar (diabetes, lung illness), 2) trying to keep my dad from giving money to people (we are down on our luck, ourselves! and my mom is killing herself working--quit giving money to drunks and 'friends' who siphon your gas and save it so mom can retire!!!) and giving my mom a sounding board, and 3) trying to not care about my sister anymore, because I know I'll just get hurt again. Now, I love my family, and nothing is worse than being away from them...except for being with them. It's dreadfully hard to explain, but I bet most of you get it.

Against my better judgment due to my extremely un-holiday like mood lately, I'm going out thursday with some ladies that used to be my best friends in high school. We're eating lunch and then going discount shopping. I am in debt, but clothes are cheaper here in the US than they could ever be in NZ, even with the exchange rate, so...I'm allowing myself to buy some much-needed clothes here for work. Plus I have gift cards. My debt diet starts when I get back to NZ. I SWEAR.

Here's hoping it all goes well!!

Craziness

Really. again, my sister decided she hated us, yelled, and demanded to be taken to her group home while we were decorating the Christmas tree this evening. When she got there, apparently she was acting crazy and called the cops on me AGAIN.

I don't know what's going on with her, or what I did, or how to fix/solve/help this at all. Perhaps nothing. She has also decided that she should disown us, and, so here we are, again, left in the wake of her emotional instability. Something that she, too, is at the mercy of and has no control over. She was crying to me last night that she was upset with herself for doing that to me. I forgave her, of course--it's not her fault, really, at least not the person that I know--but we're back in the same position again today. Dad says that we probably won't let her come home again while I'm here, to protect me from getting arrested or hurt by her. I'm sad that my parents have to choose between me and her, and that we will be missing a member of our family on Christmas morning--an unprecedented event.

In any case, I was supposed to hang out with people from high school this week. I don't think I'm going to be up for it--too upset. I think I need to lay low and hang out with my mom and dad while I'm home. It'd be too hard to explain why my sister isn't around, and I'm not close enough to any of them to get into it.

My Sister Called the Cops on Me...

For serious, she called the cops on me. My mom and sister and I were in the car on the way to go shopping, stopped for gas, and my sister bought a pack of cigarettes. My mom and I got upset with her (cigarettes are killing my dad, and killed my grandma), and she decided to stay in the car while we made another quick stop. We got back to the car, and she was GONE, just disappeared. We paged her over the store intercom, searched the parking lot, nearby stores, nothing. Eventually, the cops came up to us and she said we were threatening her. We had to explain what we said and the cops treated us like criminals until we told them about her past. It was HORRIBLE.

My sister said that she bought the cigarettes to 'be independent.' I just don't understand her anymore. She disappears from places we go, doesn't say where she's going or when she'll be back, so we're left waiting.

Haven't had alot of time or energy to worry about my debt now. Seems like the least of my problems.

This is going to be a great Christmas.

Ok, deep breaths! I'm really needing that Wii Yoga now.

I'm In Debt Again...

For nearly the same reasons I went into debt in the FIRST place, I'm in debt...AGAIN. It happened very quickly, as in the past two weeks, but was fully anticipate-able (is that a word??). I won't be able to pay off my credit card in full this month, and won't be able to next month, either.

I've spent roughly $6k on plane tickets in the past 6 months. So, ok, I technically have $5K in USD to pay off the balance of my credit cards, however, I'm not going to do it. I want/need to keep most of that money as my 'in case of emergency' or rather, in case I want/need to move back to the US in a hurry. My dad told me tonight that the doctor told him that if my dad caught a bad cold, he'd die. That's pretty scary, and I may need to come home to help my mom sooner rather than later. (and only makes me want to move home NOW so I can spend time with him...)

I have $10K as my EF in New Zealand Dollars. I'd rather keep that stocked in full than use it (plus the NZD is worth only about half of what a USD is, so I'd have to wipe out almost the entire EF to pay off my US cc bill). I may look at using $2K of it to help, but no more than that.

I'm not getting paid for half of the vacation time I'm taking (due to immigration concerns, I didn't find that out til I'd already booked my flights...urgh), so that rules out using my second December paycheck for my cc (the first is being used for rent).

So...how bad is the damage? Roughly $4500 USD. I'll be lucky if the NZD doesn't drop further, and I can pay about US$500 on it a month--using $1000 NZD/mo. Wow, it added up really fast. And, horribly, I'm going to have to tell my parents that I just can't afford to come home more than once a year. :(

This was just bad planning. Moving is expensive, and moving far away from home only makes it worse. I could have seen this coming from a mile away (8585 air miles away, actually). The real kicker is that for my career, and what I love doing, I HAVE to live far from home--my home state doesn't have any of what is my career's specialty.

So, let's kick this, PF stylee:

1) When you find yourself in debt, list ALL your balances, and the interest rates:
Capital One: $3020, expecting this to go up when my Permanent Residency application
goes through ($1400 NZD), 13.90% APR

Chase: $500, 11.99% APR

Whew, ok, I feel better already, but daunted by the balances, a little panicky--but better that I am taking control. So what am I going to do next?

I'm going to call the credit card companies tomorrow and try to get my interest rates lowered.

If that doesn't produce any changes, should I pay the smaller amount off first for psychological reasons, or pay off the higher APR balance?

For me, I'd rather have less bills, so I'm going to knock out the Chase balance first. The differences in the APR's aren't that bad, anyway--but we'll see what will be done tomorrow after my phone calls. My FICO scores are STELLAR and interest rates are going down, so I should be able to knock a point or two off of each of those. (Does anyone know: do cc companies lower and raise their interest rates with the Fed?) Hmm, interesting thought. no pun intended...

2) Look at your budget--how much money do you have left over to pay this off?
According to my spreadsheet, I've budgeted to reasonably live off of about 62% of my income, or roughly $1850/mo. This leaves me with about $1100 NZD to put towards my debt every month. It seems like alot, but it's not--that's about $550 USD.

So, at that rate, it will take me about 8 months to pay off my balances, not including interest payments. Yuck. Just in time to do it all over again next December. I'll never save anything for retirement at this rate!!

3) Evaluate the time period over which you are paying debt. Does this fit in with your goals? 8 months will never do--it's starting a cycle that I don't know if I will be able to get out of while I live overseas. I'll never be able to save up for the next trip if I keep paying off debt during the rest of the year!

4) If not, do one or both of two things: increase income and pare down expenses.

My expenses are about as low as they are going to get for the next 6 months. I can rent my garage space when I get back to NZ, freeing up about $50/mo USD, and I can eat out even less than I already do and cut out all entertainment and allowances, but I already run a pretty tight ship financially.

I'll have to get a part-time job or something to figure this out. Increase income! I've been ChaCha-ing alot while at home so far, we'll see how much I can earn through them.

The Heat is On

Because it's coooold here! I don't love being cold, but I so love bundling up in my sweatshirt, hoodie, and a blanket, and hanging out inside reading or Wii-ing (yup, that's right, 'Wii' had an early Christmas a few nights ago. Thanks for all who had suggestions for Wii games for my family! We are having a blast Wii Fit-ting and Legend of Zelda-ing it up!)!



I don't think my mom likes the 'Zack and Wiki's hunt for barbaro's treasure' game much, but she has been using the Wii Fit a lot instead of her normal workout, which was a sole aerobics tape over and over and over again every day (can you say Bo-Ring?)! She is a small lady, and doesn't LOOK overweight at all, but her BMI was just over normal, so I think that kicked her butt into gear even more. Also, my sister and dad are now diabetic, so when we tested our blood as a family the other night (we're a weird family), and my mom's blood sugar tested just as high as my sister's--well, we all started worrying a bit, I think.

In other news, my dad has lost weight, and is attempting to cut down on his smoking--yay! my sister is in debt...again...and hung up on a creditor tonight right in front of my face! boo. she also is newly diabetic, severely obese according to Wii Fit, and is having alot of emotional issues that are really making it difficult for her to relate to 'normal' people. She's not hallucinating or anything like that...so her medicine is working, however, it's almost like her old-self and non-medicated self personalities have merged into this hybrid medicated personality where she has no clue what to say or do or how to feel or when to be offended, when to laugh, when to be paranoid, etc. She's just not going to make it on her own. I've just recently accepted that, begrudgingly--I don't do that lightly, as I feel like I'm giving up on her or something. But the facts are facts--she needs to be in the group home like she is, have someone take care of her money, medication, life.

It's hard, though, because I look at all the other people in the home, how they act, and I think, My sister IS NOT like them. Like my love alone can make her better than they are. But--she is like them. She IS. It's really difficult for me to separate who she used to be (my best friend, healthy, happy, laughing, always outgoing and the first to have a good time or crack a joke) from who she is now (insecure, paranoid, unhappy/emotionless, very unhealthy, unsure of herself, incapable of making good decisions for herself). She is knowingly KILLING HERSELF with food and bad choices with guys, and destroying her future by spending money she doesn't have. She isn't eating like a diabetic should at ALL. She also knows she is in debt, but when she found $16 in her pocket the other day, she spent it immediately on a notebook, some bubble bath, cheetos, and a soda. And when we gently present other options that are healthier and more frugal, she gets offended and feels like we're attacking her. Essentially, we are--we are attacking her denial that she has a problem that she isn't doing anything about.

OK, I've grumbled about my sister for many, many posts now. I know my struggles with this are incredibly tiny compared to her struggles, and I feel slightly guilty even daring to complain given all that I have been blessed with from nearly the exact same genes as she has.

In financial news, I spent about $200 at Target (I. LOVE. TARGET. It is my #1 most missed non-family US thing!) the other night, getting items I can't get in NZ, or can't get cheaply in NZ. I just hope it all fits in my suitcase going back! My dad gave me $112 worth of scratch-off lotto tix (poor man's tax) to redeem, and he gave me the money. But I can't, in good conscience, take it. I'm 30, way too old to be taking money from the 'rents, and they need it more than I do. I'm sneaking it in my mom's purse tomorrow--she will actually SAVE it instead of blowing it on cigarettes or more scratchers. :) Ha, fooled him--he gets to feel like he's spoiling me, and I get to help mom. Perfect.

In boy news, we hadn't talked or had any contact since I left last week--this is the longest we've not talked in the past 2 years. It's starting to get bad; I really miss him! He must feel the same way--he emailed me today to see how I was. I'll write back something short, but there are SO many things I want to tell him about. Anyway, I know this is probably for the best, so I need to start getting over him PDQ. I have plans (or will be making plans soon) with a bunch of people from my high school, so that should keep my mind off of things. And I always have Zelda... :)

Fun at Home

After church tomorrow, we as a family are off to Home Depot to sell our souls for some new tiles and paint for the house. I LOVE watching HGTV, so to have all these projects going on in my own parent's house is AWESOME! I actually can't wait to pick out some colors and learn how to tile a bathroom.

Today, I woke up at 6 pm, had dinner with the fam, and played Scrabble for about 4 hours while watching Quantum Leap. I loved every second. this feeling won't last very long, but I'm enjoying it while it does.

So, obviously, no money was spent in the past few days (i've been sleeping through most of it!). Stupid jet lag.

I'm loving the free stuff

It doesn't really make the flight worth it, but I had a bunch of mail waiting for me when I got here to VA. To the victor go the spoils:

Two (2) rewards checks for $50 each from my credit card company
One (1) rewards gift card for $50 to Old Navy, GAP, or Banana Republic--from another (different) rewards cc
Two (2) checks for $3 each from Pinecone Research
and
One (1) huge tube of face wash for a product review for Pinecone Research

yay! $106 cash, $50 of free shopping, and a tube of something i forgot in NZ.

Jet Lagged

My flight from Blah-ckland to VA was utter HELL. And I have to do it all over again in a month.

I got to the airport Thursday at 4 pm (yay for the Airbus Express!! round trip to the airport and back, only $22, AND one of the bus stops is only 5 minutes walking away from my new apartment!). My flight left at 7:30 pm. It got into San Francisco at about 10:30 am their time (7:30 am NZ time...12 hour flight, whoa). The flight was horrible just because I CANNOT sleep on planes. I even had an empty seat beside me to 'stretch' out on. Seriously, if I could change one thing about myself, well, first it would be to make every guy that I want fall instantly in love with me forever (holla Chace Crawford), but you can be darn sure that the next one up on my list would be the ability to sleep in contorted, cramped positions without losing feeling in any of my extremities. It would save me so much time.

I don't know what that is about--it may be part psychological, part physical. maybe the fact that several hundred people are beside me and can watch me sleep if they want? that they could rob me blind and I would never know? Or is it that my body cannot physically relax unless every part of me is fully supported and similarly elevated? I sleep on my side, so maybe if I practice sleeping on my back, it would be easier for me? No clue what would help--my best friend is a doctor and loves him some Ambien. If I take a prescription drug, I just end up dazed, exhausted, screaming for sleep in my head, but no actual zzz's--i go into a dream-like state while i'm awake, the worst of both worlds. Short of anesthesia, I am NOT going to ever sleep on a plane. It's a major flaw.

anyway, the next flight went from SFO to Dulles. that bad boy left at 1 pm SFO time (still 10:30 am NZ time, and I got into DC about 5 hours later (if you are counting, this would be the 23rd hour of airport and planes). I then had another hour of layover and another short flight, and then an hour-long drive to my parent's house on top of everything. In total, it took me about 25 hours to get to VA...getting home at about 1 am. Boy, I must love my family!

I got home last night not knowing what to do first: sleep, eat, or bathe. I ended up scarfing some white cheddar popcorn and pizza (my fave American foods), jumping in the shower, and then...nothing. I couldn't fall asleep for another few hours! When I did, it was 4 am and I slept til 11 am, foraged around for some food like a soon-to-be hibernating bear, and then went back to bed until 7 pm. Good Lord, what have I become?

Anyway, I'm glad to be here, although the house is a WRECK. My parents are working on their 2 bathrooms, the attic, the kitchen, and the garage simultaneously. There is crap EVERYWHERE. No room even to put up the Christmas tree! :( I guess I'm glad to be here to help them, though.