[This was written in October, before my dad passed]
Don't you just love the clickbaity articles and youtube video titles?! (Not.) I have to say that they kinda work on me sometimes, though!
While in the last few tumultuous years of my PhD, I dreamed of what came after, and purposefully saved a ton of money for those goals. I was stuck inside working / trying to get myself to work, skipping fun times with friends, not going on fun trips, and generally denying myself a lot of what I knew was healthy (no exercise, no stretching, no social life, lots of quick easy meals that were not necessarily nutritious, overeating to avoid work, tons of anxiety). At the very least, I thought, I could save money so Future Me could enjoy her life post-PhD.
That time has come. It is almost post-PhD!
I recently have realized that I have started to have a problem: I never want to spend my money. Even on things I know I want to do/buy. Even when I specifically saved up for that thing/experience. This is a problem how, you may ask?
Well, this has effed up my monthly budgets majorly. Over my US trip this past fall, I didn't move my "2025 US Trip" Fund $$ over to my bank account as I usually do. Since my income is higher, I thought I'd just *absorb* the cost of the trip within my monthly budgets. Easy, right?
NO.
I have a shameful secret (that I actually have talked about before, so is not really a secret): when I'm on vacation, I don't really restrict my spending. I do track it when I need to meet a minimum spend on a credit card, as happened during my trip this year, but I don't pay attention to the amount beyond that. If I know I need/want something that I cannot get in NZ and have been thinking about for months, I will just buy it. No dilly dallying about sales or whether I can get it cheaper elsewhere - I just buy it. Far too often I've dilly dallied and then totally regretted not buying the thing once I'm back in NZ. I've learned my lesson about this too many times.
Anyway, my monthly budgets for August, Sept, and October are now all wonky, because I didn't track my spending and also assumed I'd just absorb the spending within my budgets. If I expected to include that spending within my monthly budgets, I needed to track it!!! It's like the most obvious thing ever!
One may say, well, then, you've solved the issue - just track things properly next time! But no, this misses the point, and doesn't actually solve the REAL problem underlying my decision-making.
I started thinking - I can afford to buy the stuff I bought, and then some, so why is this such a big deal which "pot" of money that the vacation spending comes out of? My internal spending gauge kicks in easily after decades of practice now, and I completely trust myself to spend wisely. So my spending ALSO isn't the issue.
I realized then what the root of it all is: I am subconsciously avoiding moving the money from savings to checking because I do not want my Net Worth to go down. I want it to keep going up up UP (it's our moment - thank all the gods for the gem that is KPop Demon Hunters!).
But that mindset means that I will just hoard my money forever. If my NW can never go down by me voluntarily spending money, where TF does that leave me?! Never having fun, not going on trips, never again buying things that I have carefully thought about and want, not ever spending more than I can make in one month...THAT'S where. The discretionary spending from my monthly income essentially puts a firm cap on the amount I can spend on big ticket items and experiences. And that is NOT what I want my life to be like.
To fix this, I think I need to do a difficult thing. I think I need to remove my savings that are in short and medium term funds from my Net Worth. This will make it go down down down. It's a takedown, if you will. Yes, this will be PAINFUL. I feel like I've scratched and bit my way to try to break the $300K NZD and then the $350K mark over the last few years, and am ABOUT to hit the $400K mark... But I think it is necessary if I'm going to be able to enjoy my life the way I want to.
Here is my funds list, with those that will be affected marked with an asterisk:
Completed Short-Term (~1 yr) Funds:
$5K 2025 Christmas? US Trip Fund* - we just found out that my dad probably has lung cancer and this might be his last Christmas with us. Plus, my defense is on December 12 - we will have something to celebrate at least! I have bought flights home after my defense, for Dec 15, to surprise my parents and sister :)$5K 2026 US Trip Fund*$650 Premium Gym Membership Fund*$4K Furniture Fund* $5.2K Rent + Bond Fund* $1K New Smartphone Fund* $2K New Laptop Fund*$4582 Freelance Consultancy Start Up Fund*
*This money was saved up to be SPENT later. NOT saved. It has a near-future purpose. Therefore, it shouldn't be counted in my Net Worth. Those funds are to be used for investment in myself, my health, my quality of life, my peace of mind, to save me during emergencies, etc., over the next 5 years.
The problem is that you could consider EVERY fund/savings expendable in the very long term.
Retirement funds are meant to be spent during retirement, after all. House down payment funds are meant to be spent on ...a house down payment. Etc. Ad nauseum. So what does it matter? That is a tricky question, but short- and medium-term vs long-term is where I've decided to draw my line. Any savings that are meant to be spent in the next 5 years does not go into my Net Worth, full stop. Any money saved up to be spent after that horizon, is counted. At least for now.
The only fund that I do not think should get caught up in this round up is my $60K House Down Payment Fund. I had pipe dreams of buying in NZ but have since realized that is never going to happen on my salary. Maybe if I get a decent inheritance (hopefully far down the road), but I do not want to count on that. That money really belongs in investments rather than liquid savings. I'm waiting on financial advice, the US-NZ currency exchange to get better, and to explore some tax efficient investment options here in NZ before I can do that.
The rest - about $85,500(!) - needs to be taken out of the calculations for my Net Worth. This drops my Net Worth down to just above $300K (dependent on the stock market and the US-NZ currency exchange). OUCH. This is brutal, but I think this is a very necessary step to:
1. Prevent me from becoming a stingy miser who never spends money even on things she wants and probably needs,
2. Encourage myself to think more carefully about what I am saving up for. Do I really want it? Is it a short- or medium-term goal, or a long-term goal? Where does that money belong in the grand scheme of things? and
3. Have a realistic picture of my *actual* Net Worth.
This will be a painful change, so I'm waiting until the new year to make it. Starting January 2026, I'll shift how I calculate my Net Worth and make new goals accordingly.
The new SideBar is up NOW!
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