Oh God. I'm resigned to getting covid now. Sadly enough, while I'm terrified of covid, I have started to succumb to the peer pressures of the mass delusion that covid is "inevitable" and loneliness of living under major restrictions for 2.5 years. Come what may, I guess. Sigh.
My Covid Risk Assessment and Response in 2020-2021
Until earlier this year, I have been quite trusting of the NZ governments' ability to keep us all safe with our alert levels and traffic light system, but still was more cautious than anyone I knew. For example, even when there were zero covid cases in NZ in 2020 and 2021, I was highly aware of how fast it could spread before we knew it was spreading, and chose to be extra cautious with my social life. I only ONCE took the chance of eating out at a restaurant, and only did it for the regular monthly pub quiz night some of my friends and I go to sometimes. Otherwise, since returning to NZ in July 2020, I have avoided all public places that require unmasking (i.e. while eating or drinking) or have large groups of people in attendance, even if masked (i.e. concerts).
My social life diet instead has mainly consisted of seeing 1-2 people in their homes (or mine) at a time, about 1x every other week. Sometimes it's two visits a week, more often 0. Once I organised an outdoor picnic for 4 people, with lots of distancing, back when covid cases were much lower. These are all friends that I trust implicitly to keep me safe, because they are either very safe themselves, or they know how terrified I am of getting yet another chronic illness.
While there were zero covid cases in NZ, I went to work in
my office sometimes and, when the snap lockdowns occurred, I dutifully carried all my PhD materials to my home, and back to the office when it was allowed. Back
and forth, back and forth. Since I don't have a car to transport ~50 lbs
of books, notebooks, office equipment, etc easily, after about 3 of
these transitions, I got tired of it and declared that I was working
from home full-time no matter the alert level. That was in August 2021,
during the last big lockdown. WFH has stuck since then, at least.
What I'm Actually Scared of
I am vaxxed with my 3rd shot (booster), but I received the booster in Feb of this year. I don't know that my vaxxed status actually matters anymore, since the immunity they provide wanes and the new variants don't seem to respond to the vaccination well. But even with that caveat, I'm not actually super concerned that I will have a severe reaction to covid. My sister got it, but not terribly badly, and if there is any consolation in that fact, it is that perhaps my genes will react to covid like hers did?
What I'm WAY more concerned about is a) any interruptions at all to my PhD timeline, which I'm years and years behind on now, b) getting long covid, c) increasing my chances of getting long covid later with repeat infections -- by this logic, the longer I can hold off on getting covid the first time, the better, and d) getting it unknowingly and spreading it to others who are more vulnerable.
My Risk Assessment and Response NOW
With the NZ covid response now almost as bad as the rest of the Western world, things are shifting for me. Yes, it is awesome that we require masking in grocery stores, planes, public transport, etc., and some places now have enacted ventilation protocols, but there are no other restrictions in place. Kids are in school, college kids are in classes. Conferences and workshops and meetings are held in person. Masking requirements are willy nilly. Everyone is banging on about how we need to stop WFH to rebuild 'team unity' at work and the need for everyone to start coming back into the office to 'make the hallways feel welcoming.' No one enforces or checks that the unmasked person in the grocery store has an exception or corrects the person wearing the mask under their chin. A dozen or more people are dying every single day, with barely a mention.
The variants are never ending. The vaccinations don't seem to mean anything anymore.
We are on our own. Just as I was afraid of. It feels like being in the US in 2020 again! Helpless, with the only possible respite many, many months away, if that.
In NZ currently, we are experiencing a peak in cases from the BA.2 variant and rising BA.5. Not as high of a peak as initial Omicron this past Feb/Mar/April, but a peak nonetheless. WHILE flu cases are also at a high.
We have FEWER PROTECTIONS in place WHILE DISEASE RISK IS A MILLION TIMES HIGHER.
MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.
For now, I am still WFH, only going to the grocery store and shops (and even drive thru windows) with a mask, ordering takeaway when I don't want to cook, avoiding bars, restaurants, and crowded places.
But that is about to change.
Giving Up, Taking Risks: A Birthday Party & Travel to COVID-Infested Waters
I've really started giving up, though. Case in point, the many risks I'm knowingly about to take:
- My birthday was recently! And I desperately miss hanging out with my friends as a group. So this Friday for the first time in 2.5 years I've invited 3-4 people over to my apartment so we can play board games over drinks IRL. Several people are missing but 3-4 people are more than I've hung out with at one time in a very, very long time. Everyone is being careful this week, everyone is going to take a RAT, I'm turning on our new heat pump and opening all the windows and doors for ventilation, and we're going to play some games and celebrate my birthday together for the first time in several years. We will see how this plays out.
- Part of the reason I've organised the birthday gathering is that I'm about to get on a plane to the US to see my family for the first time in 2 years, and my risk profile will take a massive jump, anyway. It is a risk I do not take lightly. My dad is declining and so is my mom. They really need my help and it is killing me not to be there. Also, I haven't had a real break from work in 2.5 years and my annual US trips are usually the time I recharge.
While I'm home, extended family members want to see me. As do old friends. Also, my work is sending me to a conference on the other coast. And a cousin getting married on that same coast, at a different time of my trip.
So lots of very risky environments are in my future:
- Long international flight, layovers, and more long cross-country flights, with UNMASKED, COVID-RIDDLED AMERICANS
- time with immediate family, who have to go to high covid risk places, like hospitals and doctors a lot
- plans with extended family, who are not as careful as I am
- plans with friends, who ARE as careful as me, and have promised me that we'll just hang by ourselves, test a lot, and not do anything risky while I'm visiting (I just love them so!)
- Two flights and a layover to a conference location, again with some likely disgusting Americans
- A week-long, 100 person science conference (more Americans, but a less gross lot). As far as I can tell there are zero covid precautions made as of right now, even though I have warned the conference organisers and my boss that I will not attend if they don't make any plans around keeping us safe. My boss will lose money unless she advocates for this, and I'm one of the invited speakers, so I would hope my voice/vote holds sway with the organising committee? Even if I go, I won't be eating out with folks or unmasked while at the conference (except to give my talk from the lectern).
- Two more flights and a layover back home (blergh Americans)
- Two more flights and a layover to my cousin's wedding location
- My cousin's wedding! Small, but...we'll be expected to be unmasked for photos and to hang out and eat out with family unmasked of course. None of them are careful anymore.
- plans with extended family (my aunt, mainly) who are AVID ANTI -AXXERS/MASKERS :( :( :( I do not know how I will be able to wear a mask around them/avoid restaurants etc without causing huge arguments, and I do NOT have the energy for that. So I will probably stay silent to keep the peace for my mom, who is really hanging by a thread and counting on this visit being a break from taking care of my dad. I'm so exhausted from fighting for my health/my dad when even those that need to be (e.g. my mom, my sister) refuse to. I give up.
- plans with more extended family (my grandma's sister) who is over 90 and ALSO AN ANTI VAXXER/MASKER. WTAF, lady?! I have never met her before but she is the only living relative of my grandma's who knows what my ancestors went through in Nazi Germany. This visit happened by chance - she happens to live near (2.5 hour drive) where the cousin from the other side of my family is getting married. This will likely be the ONLY chance to meet her, as she is super super old and we have no plans to ever go to the area where she lives again.
- An international flight back to NZ.
Yeah...I'm getting covid, aren't I?!? Wish me all the luck (not that I deserve it!)
