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Tuesday, May 05, 2026

April 2026: Budget Review and Life Update

Life Update

GRIEF

No update here, so I'll repeat last month's update: This continues to be the centerpiece of my life. It is my immediate feeling when I wake up, as I go about my day, and as I drift off to sleep. It permeates everything.
April was the fifth full month without my dad. The grief keeps getting worse and worse as reality starts to sink in.
I am on Week 11 of an online group grief counseling now. It is so very helpful. I am going to be sad when it ends at 13 weeks. What will I do? I don't know, but I will need to make space and time for my grief. If I don't, I know it will spill out into my life anyway.

HEALTH & LIVING

No update here, so I'll repeat last month's update: Still no flatmate. I'm not even going to look for one until after my PhD defense. Again, I say, what is money for if not a situation like this?
No update here, so I'll repeat last month's update: I have not been going to the gym. I'm just down in the dumps, never feel like going. It is the task switching aspect of it for me, plus wanting/needing to get certain bits of work done, plus the amount of time in my day it takes up. I wish I could get focused on my physical health again, but my grief just has taken over my life completely.
I have kept on the fish oil, magnesium, multivitamin, vit B12, Vit D and K, and Biosil drops regimen. I still need to add protein and fiber in there.
Relatedly, I recently realized that I feel better and more full when I eat red meat. I do not like the way beef and lamb taste in NZ (they are fully grass fed, which sounds like a good thing until you realize that that makes the meat very game-y to the US palate), so this is a problem. Part of the reason has to be because my ferritin is still very low, due to (TMI) heavy bleeding. I think I'm in full blown perimenopause but my doctor keeps denying my requests to investigate and treat it.
I need to set my physio appointments up - have done research and found one I want to try out. I think I'll go after some work stuff calms down.
I always have trouble in April. I always check out for like a week. That happened again this year. I could do nothing but call in sick and lay in bed. A few weeks later, I'm starting to feel a little better, but a lot of work piled up while I was away.

TRAVEL & FUN

No update here, so I'll repeat last month's update: Still none of that is happening, though I have a weekly 'date' with some friends to catch up and watch a tv show. It is stabilizing and nice. They are so kind. I also went with some friends to see Project Hail Mary, which was wonderful. The audio book is incredible. My other friend's cat died and she moved about an hour away, so it is hard to see her. Another friend is having serious family issues, so she has been busy with them. Yet another friend moved to the bottom of the island. I am running out of friends. :(

FAMILY

My sister found out there is something wrong with her blood counts. I'm scared.
It was my Mom and Dad's 50th wedding anniversary recently. It was intensely sad.

PhD & WORK

I am totally overwhelmed. There is so much to do and so much pressure, and I just am not coping well.
My supervisor asked AGAIN (again) about my defense. I am so tired of fighting for this boundary that I gave in and said she could give the signal to start planning it again. If I fail, I fail. I am so sad and emotional over it and have warned her what happens every time I think of it, so it'll be her fault if I blow it. I can't muster up enough resolve to fight anymore.

MONEY THOUGHTS & MOVES

With the high rent, gym membership, and new private health insurance, my spending is way above normal. That is just how it is right now.
It is looking like I will lose my job starting in September this year, but my boss wants to keep me on my project. One option is to go freelance. I just thought of another option: I could ask my Kiwi colleague who owns her own business in my field to hire me as a staff member contingent on the project funding coming through. If she agreed, I would not have to deal with US and NZ self employment tax issues. Plus, as long as she charged less than 115% overheads on my salary like the Uni does, I would be better off financially than if hired by the Uni.
My usual car service, Mevo, went into receivership and I had $1500 NZD worth of credit with them. I have disputed the charges as services not rendered with the US consumer financial protections office because I bought that credit on my US credit card in 2025. They are investigating, but I don't have a ton of hope that I'll get any of that money back.

MONTHLY CHALLENGES

Previously my challenge was to get back on the healthy exercise and eating train, but I keep failing. Therefore I give UP. I can't do it right now. It is time I face it and just try to get through the days as best I can.

April 2026 Budget

I am earning a full salary now so things are extremely comfortable. I'm able to spend and save at levels like never before.

Income: $8,921.43

Salary: $8,577.64

Lending Crowd repayments: $73.41

Zagga repayments: $10.38

Garage rent: $260

Spending: $4,921.43 (55.2%)

Savings: $4,000 - $2,216.65 saved to Squirrel and earmarked towards my $25K Freelance Consultancy Start Up Fund. $783.35 transferred to my US bank account to pay credit card bills/automatic savings. $1K kept in my NZ bank account to be able to pay off my NZ credit card bills.

Spending categories (budgeted amount in parentheses):

Rent: $2,240 - no flatmate

Groceries: $416.49 ($500)

Electricity & Internet: $497.15 ($300) - 2 month's worth

Eating out: $184.07 ($250) - Breakfast with friends ($35.87); Pizza Hut ($58.04; Better Burger ($24.66); McD's ($28.80 + $16.10 + $2 + $18.60)

Charity: $260 ($50) - donation to grad school fund to help undergrads get field work experience, which is essential to people in my career

Cell phone: $20 ($20)

Medical: $472.85 ($100) - supplements (Vit C, fiber, B12, L-thianine), medical insurance premium, blood pressure cuff, large pill organizer for supplements)

Misc: $600.87 ($1K)

alcohol: $0

entertainment: $0

self care: $113.16 - 1x massage; brow wax and tint, lash tint

fees: $109.99 - $10 fee for Cityhop membership, $59.99 sheet set for primary bedroom (flatmate room); $40 for chatgpt monthly fee

gifts: $47.97 - $2.04 for the bag to mail cousin some NZ gifts; $33.95 shipping costs; $4.99 mother's day card; $6.99 for cute bookmark magnets for mom

goods and wants: $206.48 - camp stove fuel in case of power outage during forecasted big storm ($10.99); $116.52 stuff from American store; $59 wireless earbuds; $19.96 moved to May income

transportation: $123.27 - flamingo scooters x 6 ($22.98); $7.80 for ferry from Devonport to Auckland CBD; $92.49 cityhop car for 1 day to do errands

travel: $0

Savings and Funds Activity Update

I transferred $2,216.65 NZD to Squirrel. That balance sits at about $60K, with $6,390 of that invested in various peer-to-peer loans at $100 each at 4.75% to 6.5% p.a.
I have about $94K in Rabobank.
I still have two Zagga investments ($2K total).
I am (still) waiting for Lending Crowd to start up again.

I have now saved up for my last short-term goal of $25K to live off of after my job loss in September. I have no other short or medium term goals left to save up for. Any funds left over at the end of the month will now get transferred to USD to pay for my US credit cards and invested in US investments.

Net Worth Tracking

NZ Savings (cash): $157,200 NZD. This includes investments in peer to peer loans.

Peer to peer lending: $8,993.92 (Zagga, Squirrel, open principal at Lending Crowd)

LendingCrowd: $657.66 NZD - principal still owed, repaid with interest in weekly installments
Zagga: ~$1945.77 NZD
Squirrel: $6,390.49 NZD

Kiwisaver: $134,317.74 NZD

US investments: $74,933.69 USD

Total Net Worth - NEW METHOD (April 2026): $320,224.23 NZD

I now only count long-term savings and investments in my Net Worth. This month's NW represents an increase of $25,483.83 NZD since last month, and an increase of $17,930.26 NZD since the beginning of the year.

What is counted in my Net Worth now:

$60K NZD Former House Down Payment Fund (I will drip feed this into US investments)
Kiwisaver (NZ retirement)
Roth IRA
Traditional IRA
Berkshire Hathaway investment fund (non-dividend yield fund)
Non-retirement investment account

Tuesday, April 07, 2026

March 2026: Monthly Round Up

Life Update

GRIEF

This continues to be the centerpiece of my life. It is my immediate feeling when I wake up, as I go about my day, and as I drift off to sleep. It permeates everything.
March was the fourth full month without my dad. The third month anniversary was a doozy, and so I was apprehensive about this 4th one. It hit me but not as badly. Something about the three month mark made it more intense, but the feelings of loss became deeper, quieter, and more...instilled inside of me at my core in the 4th. I've never been so grateful to not have a flatmate. I just keep breaking down in tears when I remember things like how he danced to make us laugh, and all the things he did for me and my mom and sister. How even at his worst, grumpiest, and in the most pain, he always kept trying. For us. We were so lucky to have him in our lives.
I am on Week 7 of an online group grief counseling now. It is very different from my usual activities, but look forward to it every week. There is a lot of God talk, and I vacillate between being agnostic and an atheist, so that bit of it is not my bag, but the sense of community I feel - even through the screen since it is online - is the heart of the value that it brings. I am going to be sad when it ends at 13 weeks.

HEALTH & LIVING

Still no flatmate. I'm not even going to look for one until after my PhD defense. Again, I say, what is money for if not a situation like this?
I have not been going to the gym. I'm just down in the dumps, never feel like going. It is the task switching aspect of it for me, plus wanting/needing to get certain bits of work done, plus the amount of time in my day it takes up. I wish I could get focused on my physical health again, but my grief just has taken over my life completely.
I used my Southern Cross health insurance for the first time, for a fee to see the nurse to get my second dose of Shingrix.
I did some research into supplements and am now on the fish oil, magnesium, multivitamin, vit B12, Vit D and K, and Biosil drops train. I need to add protein and fiber in there, and I think I'll be done.
I researched physios as I want to work on my posture and creaky joints and bones this year. I have a $300 physio allowance with my Southern Cross membership, and a full body assessment from my preferred place is $150. I can have two follow up $75 appointments later in the year as well.
I have been feeling dizzy, so I didn't want to gym it very hard. I started going to Yoga Nidra once every few weeks, which is basically like guided mediation. I loved it. I also try to go to stretch class.

TRAVEL & FUN

Still none of that is happening, though I have a weekly 'date' with some friends to catch up and watch a tv show. It is stabilizing and nice. They are so kind. I also went with some friends to see Project Hail Mary, which was wonderful. The audio book is incredible. My other friend's cat died and she moved about an hour away, so it is hard to see her. Another friend is having serious family issues, so she has been busy with them. Yet another friend moved to the bottom of the island. I am running out of friends. :(

FAMILY

My sister went into the hospital again this month. She is having a lot of issues adjusting to life without Dad, understandably.
My aunt went to the hospital as well. We are all worried for her. She had a stroke and heart attack a few years ago and has been on a lot of medication. That medication apparently stopped working for a bit and she had to get new meds.
Things are hitting my Mom hard now I think. She is always distracted and not paying attention on our weekly phone calls. She gets absorbed by her candy crush saga-like games and is using that to distract herself from her pain. It is hard to watch and I am starting to feel like I have lost my Mom as well.

PhD & WORK

It is going. Some of it is great fun and an awesome distraction, and some parts of it are fine to slightly annoying to have on my plate, but overall, it is the best thing I have going right now.
My supervisor asked AGAIN about my defense. I started crying immediately and said something vague about end of May, maybe. The defense is still my biggest emotional trigger so it will take me longer to feel ready for it.

MONEY THOUGHTS & MOVES

With the high rent, gym membership, and new private health insurance, my spending is way above normal. That is just how it is right now.
It is looking like I will have to go freelance starting in September this year. Either that or I will have no house, no father...AND no job. However, I am written into next year's budget, so income is virtually guaranteed through June 2027. My head of school said he is looking into how I can be made a permanent staff member contingent on the external research funding instead - I would earn much less than I would as a freelance contractor, but I would not have to deal with complex US and NZ taxes and things like quarterly tax payments. On the plus side, if I have to go freelance, that means I can earn Social Security credits in the US, which I do not qualify for right now.
I sent off my US tax forms. Whew.
My usual car service, Mevo, went into receivership! I do not know what that means, but I know it is bad. I still have $1500 worth of credit with them that will just...be worthless if they do not pull out of this slump. I have disputed the charges as services not rendered with the US consumer financial protections office because I bought that credit on my US credit card in 2025. This also means I do not have a reliable way to get around for all of the errands I do with a car!

Not having a car nearby will save some money in the long run, if it continues, but when I do absolutely need a car, it will be much more expensive. Cityhop was my previous go-to, but they got rid of their evening 60% off rates and that prompted me to switch to Mevo in the first place. They are just not as affordable, nice of a car selection, or as convenient as Mevo. Hey, at least this will get me walking more places!
Work owes me $4800 in reimbursements for research costs.
I started thinking more seriously about retirement. Some rough basics and decisions:

I am already at my goal of having $40K in basic annual income during retirement, assuming a conservative growth rate and a 4% withdrawal rate. I therefore *could* consider myself CoastFIRE right now and never contribute another dime to retirement (but I don't think I want to do that).
I will keep contributing the base Kiwisaver amount ($1,042.86, or $87/mo) that qualifies me for the annual government contribution ($260.72) each year. It isn't much but at least it is something...
I need to move ~$32K NZD in my NZ savings to USD and invest it in my brokerage account. This will take me up to the NZ FIF threshold, if I'm understanding everything correctly. I do not want to surpass the $50K NZD in cost basis amount in US investments (outside of retirement accounts) because of the crazy tax rules in NZ.
I need to live in NZ for 5 years after turning age 50 to qualify for NZ Super at age 65. Right now that would be worth $26K NZD per year, before tax. I should be able to receive NZ Super no matter where I live in the world.
I could start partial retirement at 59.5 if I started pulling funds from my Traditional and Roth IRAs at that age. I would still need to work until at least 62.
If I work as freelance for ~3-4 years between now and age 62, I will be paying into US SS tax and will qualify for US Social Security. This would help because I could move up my partial retirement timeline to 62 instead of 65. The US SS $$ will help "bridge the gap" between partial retirement and full retirement at 65.
It does not help me at all to wait to take US SS in my case, because NZ Super decreases by the amount of my US SS income. All that waiting will do is change the % of income that comes from the US vs NZ. I will have the same income (the NZ Super amount) no matter what. [Obviously this discounts the idea that either of those funds will run out, which is a total possibility!]
I will therefore start taking US SS at 62. I will need to supplement my income, using a combo of part time work and/or pulling from savings and/or my Roth and Traditional IRAs until I hit 65, when a bunch of things happen:

NZ Super starts
I can start pulling from my Kiwisaver

MONTHLY CHALLENGES

Previously my challenge was to get back on the healthy exercise and eating train, but I keep failing. NZ fall is always a hard transition for me, it suddenly being so dark, cold, and rainy all of a sudden, so I need to go easier on myself I think. In April, I want to commit to:

making small changes in my eating habits: meal planning, cooking healthy meals, and cutting down on junk food/unhealthy snacks. Mostly, I want to not buy junk food at the grocery store. If I don't buy it, I can't eat it...

going to Yoga Nidra and Stretch classes once every other week, at a minimum. Well, starting this Friday. I already missed last Friday and Monday because the gym was closed for Easter. But hopefully I should make it a few other times...

March 2026 Budget

I am earning a full salary now so things are extremely comfortable. I'm able to spend and save at levels like never before. In March, rent and medical spending was very very high.

Income: $6,113.55

Salary: $5,764.82

Lending Crowd repayments: $83.51

Zagga repayments: $5.22

Garage rent: $260

Spending: $5,063.48 (83%)

Savings: $1,050.07 - saved to Squirrel and earmarked towards my $25K Freelance Consultancy Start Up Fund

Spending categories (budgeted amount in parentheses):

Rent: $2,240 - no flatmate

Groceries: $442.57 ($500)

Electricity & Internet: $82.43 ($300)

Eating out: $271.06 ($250) - $95 for friend's birthday dinner (Safran), includes drinks and part of her meal; Zambrero burritos ($80); $8 for popcorn and $7 for skittles to eat during Project Hail Mary movie; $20 for Tanpopo with friends before movie; $63 for pizza for me and my friend from Sal's

Charity: $30 ($50)

Cell phone: $17 ($20)

Medical: $1,005.02 ($100) - $390 for dose #2 of Shingrix (I think it is worth it!); $450 for southern cross health insurance premium for 2x months; $170 for supplements

Misc: $795.40 ($1K)

alcohol: $0

entertainment: $120.56 - 3x tix to a comedy show ($85); $18 for an album on bandcamp; $18 for IMAX project hail mary tix (student discount + gift card balance);

self care: $133.27 - 2x massages

fees: $0

gifts: $151 - flowers for mom's birthday last month

goods and wants: $240.42 - 12 stamps ($56); $9.50 for glass jar and frame from daiso; $11 ceramic stovetop cleaner; $112 for NZ sized envelopes (US ones are different???), wireless ear buds, and lotion from the warehouse; $2.50 for a rubber brush from kmart; $49 for novelty tshirt.

transportation: $150.15 - 11 trips on escooters around town, including a few very long rides because mevo wasn't available, and a friend's ride because she wanted to try it out. 1 Mevo car trip for $40.

travel: $0 - Although I bought $3K NZD worth of flights to the US later this year. The $3K was taken from my $5K 2026 US trip fund, which was sitting in savings. The money didn't come from my monthly income so I'm not sure how to count it here.

Savings and Funds Activity Update

I transferred $1K NZD to Squirrel. That balance sits at about $55K, with $5600 of that invested in various peer-to-peer loans at $100 each at 4.75% to 6.5% p.a.
I have about $94K in Rabobank.
I made one $1K Zagga investment this month, bringing the total investments to two at $2000 total. I receive about $5.22 per month from my first investment.
I am (still) waiting for Lending Crowd to start up again.

Standard text: I've met all of my short and medium term savings goals, and then some. In lieu of goals, I have decided to save up for the eventuality that I will have no home and no job this September. This slush fund will also serve as a start up fund in case I go freelance as well. I am calling it my "Freelance Consultancy Start Up Fund" for now. I aim to save up $25K to cover the minimum costs to survive one year. Any funds left over at the end of the month will get split between my US investments and this fund. Any interest I earn from my savings will also go towards this fund. I have < $600 more to save.

Net Worth Tracking

NZ Savings (cash): $156,642.11 NZD. This includes investments in peer to peer loans.

Peer to peer lending: $8,304.32 (Zagga, Squirrel, open principal at Lending Crowd)

LendingCrowd: $726.17 NZD - principal still owed, repaid with interest in weekly installments
Zagga: ~$1946 NZD
Squirrel: $5,632.38 NZD

Kiwisaver: $121,516.64 NZD

US investments: $67,798.66 USD

Total Net Worth - NEW METHOD (MARCH 2026): $294,740.40 NZD

I now only count long-term savings and investments in my Net Worth. This month's NW represents a decrease of $17,432.44 NZD since last month, and a decrease of $7,553.57 NZD since the beginning of the year.

What is counted in my Net Worth now:

$60K NZD Former House Down Payment Fund (I will drip feed this into US investments), Kiwisaver (NZ retirement), Roth IRA, Traditional IRA, Berkshire Hathaway investment fund (non-dividend yield fund), non-retirement investment account.

Sunday, March 01, 2026

February 2026: Budgets & Break Downs

Life Update

GRIEF

Let's start with the biggest issue and the thing consuming most of my life right now: grief.
February was the third full month without my dad. I have never ever ever in my life gone that long without talking to him. It is still so unimaginable. The reality and permanence is only just now starting to hit. I completely broke down on the 3 month anniversary of the phone call that he had hours to live. I've been a huge mess for DAYS.

A saving grace: I was able to salvage a recording of the last video call I ever had with him. It was nine days before he passed away. He went into the hospital 4 days later and didn't come out alive. I do not normally video call him or my family for our weekly calls and I have no idea what possessed me to record it, but I did. When I checked the video afterward, it was all green lines, no images of my dad. I thought it was lost forever and I was so angry at myself for not recording it properly. I asked chatgpt what I could do to see if I could fix it, and it guided me through the steps to see if there were any images at all in it. Turns out, there were - the whole last 10 minutes of our 40 minute phone call were salvageable on video (I have the full audio too). So I have the last ten minutes that we ever spoke to each other on video and audio. Along with a voicemail recording from my grandmother, a ring heirloom from my other grandmother, a 'worry stone' (smooth shell) that my dad gave me as a teenager on a beach vacation, and my written journals, it is the most precious thing I own. I sent it to my mom and sister for my mom's birthday so they could enjoy it as well.
I started going to an online group grief counseling on the last day of the month. It was only the first session but is already very helpful and comforting. I was so, so nervous to join. It was only $25 USD and meets weekly for 3 months. So far, it is already well worth the $25. I am looking forward to next week already.

HEALTH & LIVING

Still no flatmate. I'm spending so much money on rent now! But I break down doing dishes sometimes. I still need so much space and alone time to process and just...breathe and cry and wail. I do not want to feel like I have to mute my grief. So right now I think it is worth it. What is money for if not a situation like this? I'm so grateful my circumstances allow me to front the full rent without dipping into savings at all.
My fieldwork is done so I signed up for the gym again. I have my first class on Monday. It is time to start building strength again.
At my Dr's appt. in November, I asked the doc about issues with my thumb/hands, feeling dizzy when I stand up after sitting for a while, and perimenopause. She just looked at me like I was a hypochondriac. She said she should refer me to get scans but won't if I don't have private health insurance. I decided to buy it for a year with low excess just in case, get all of the scans and such that year, then increase the excess next year, or downgrade the policy, or cancel it depending on finances, travel plans, and how my health is.

I did oodles of research and decided on Southern Cross's Well Being Two plan w/ day to day module. It is $238/mo w/ discounts from my employer. I'll use it enough to cover the cost of the day to day add on module plan (about $25/mo), but the Well being two plan will only be cost-beneficial if I have to get surgery and/or tons of scans/imaging. We'll see I guess.

TRAVEL & FUN

Still none of that is happening.

FAMILY

My sister went into the hospital again. I think that is the third time this year already?
Mom had her first birthday w/o Dad in over 50 years. I think things are finally starting to hit home. I wish I could be there.

PhD & WORK

I am starting to catch up on some of my ongoing work and deadlines.
Supervisors and the University have started to pressure me to re-choose a PhD defense date. I am nowhere near emotionally ready. I'm tempted to float end May/June and see what they say. The defense is my biggest emotional trigger so it will take me longer to feel ready for it.

MONEY THOUGHTS & MOVES

With the high rent, gym membership, and new private health insurance, my spending is way above normal.
It is looking like I will have to go freelance starting in September this year. Either that or I will have no house, no father...AND no job.
I finally rebalanced my entire NZ-US portfolio so that I'm more diversified and at the risk level I'd like to be at. I can't lie, I paid for chatgpt for 1 month and had it run some analyses, then checked the results against some advice I found online. I have started transferring NZD to my US bank account. I kept waiting until the exchange rate was favorable, but I don't think that's happening anytime soon, so might as well just bite the bullet. That money I transferred will be invested in my non-retirement brokerage account.
I also inspected my Kiwisaver in light of concerns about US tax issues. Depending on who you ask, the Kiwisaver could be considered a retirement account and not subject to trust and PFIC rules but also could be subject to those things. To be on the safe side, I moved everything into two broad funds (within the diversification process) that would result in minimal paperwork if PFIC rules apply. Whew. I'm seeing a tax accountant at some point this year that was recommended by my friend, another US person that went freelance.
I finished doing my US taxes. I just need to print and send them off (the electronic ones never work for me).

MONTHLY CHALLENGES

This month my challenge was to get back on the healthy exercise and eating train, and I will continue those efforts next month. I weigh myself regularly and am actively tracking my hunger levels and foods I eat. The scale isn't budging but I think it is good to just be aware of my habits.

February 2026 Budget

I am earning a full salary now so things are extremely comfortable. I'm able to spend and save at levels like never before.

Income: $6,124.65

Salary: $5,735.40

Lending Crowd repayments: $124.03

Zagga repayments: $5.22

Garage rent: $260

Spending: $3,979.03 (65%)

Savings: $2,145.62 ($1,674.43 converted to $1K USD and invested; $471.19 NZD moved to Squirrel towards my $25K Freelance Start Up Consultancy Fund (designed to cover my minimum costs for 1 year)

Spending categories (budgeted amount in parentheses):

Rent: $2,240 - no flatmate

Groceries: $491.59 ($500)

Electricity & Internet: $192.24 ($300)

Eating out: $186.81 ($250) - Garden Shed dinner, drinks, and dessert w/ friend; 2x McDonalds; 2 big burritos from Zambrero; 3 Moustache cookies to share with 5 friends; (also ate at Town Mouse with friend but I consider that a gift since I paid for her meal - she was having a really rough day)

Charity: $30 ($50)

Cell phone: $17 ($20)

Medical: $50.49 ($100) - group grief counseling; iron tablets

Misc: $590.90 ($1K)

alcohol: $0 - I did have one strawberry margarita at Garden Shed (but I categorized it w/ Eating out because I don't remember how much it was!) and I had two ciders one night but friends bought them for me

entertainment: $80.09 - $50.09 for two libro.fm audiobook credits (I really wanted to listen to Jay Manuel's Next Top Model "fiction" book after watching the doco); paid $30 for a book written by an old timer in my field that I found myself emailing with randomly! He sounded so enthralled someone wanted to talk to him about his experiences in the field, but his stories are so fascinating. I can't wait to read his book.

self care: $177.97 - 2 massages; 1 pilates class. My regular masseuse awkwardly hugged me after she asked me why I'd been away and I told her the truth.

fees: $78.75 - $10 and $28.75 for annual membership dues for two local clubs; $40 for chatgpt for a month - it is helpful for things like parsing through long documents, working through options for things like NZ health insurance, editing or drafting difficult emails, and managing my daily ADHD schedule and juggling all the pill timings with/without food!

gifts: $40.70 - treated friend to Town Mouse lunch.

goods and wants: $124.97 - $26.99 for a hip pack for fieldwork from Mountain Warehouse; $44 for period underwear from Kmart; $7 for a spray bottle and travel containers from Daiso; $19.99 for some fluffy slippers; $26.99 for shoe repair kit (the sole of my hiking boots started to delaminate during my fieldwork!!)

transportation: $88.42 - 11 trips on escooters around town, mainly to get groceries. 1 Mevo car trip for $34.78.

travel: $0

Savings and Funds Activity Update

I transferred $1K's worth of USD to my US bank account this month, bringing the total to invest up to the $3K minimum needed for entry to a new Admiral fund in my brokerage account.
I have about $104K in Rabobank. I really need to transfer some funds elsewhere because $100K is the limit that is insured by the NZ government. The funds are split between a notice saver, a premium saver, and a regular old raboplus account. There is apparently a trick I can use to move funds from my premium saver account which requires the balance of the account to be $50 more than at the start of the month in order to qualify for a higher interest rate.
I have ~$51K in an on-call account earning 2% p.a. in Squirrel, with $4300 of that money invested in various peer-to-peer loans at $100 each at 6 to 6.5% p.a.
I made no Zagga investments this month (again). With the housing market being so soft, I just don't...trust it? It is also $1K a pop in investments, and I'm not comfortable putting that many eggs in one basket. I have ONE loan out and I'm seeing how it all works. I receive about $5.22 per month from that investment.
I am waiting for Lending Crowd to start up again.

I've met all of my short and medium term savings goals, and then some. In lieu of goals, I have decided to save up for the eventuality that I will have no home and no job this September. This slush fund will also serve as a start up fund in case I go freelance as well. I am calling it my "Freelance Consultancy Start Up Fund" for now. I aim to save up $25K to cover the minimum costs to survive one year. Any funds left over at the end of the month will get split between my US investments and this fund. Any interest I earn from my savings will also go towards this fund. I have about $5K more to save.

Net Worth Tracking

NZ Savings (cash): $156,599.62 NZD. This includes invested in peer to peer loans.

Peer to peer lending: $6,111.66 (Zagga, Squirrel, open principal at Lending Crowd)

LendingCrowd: $824.52 NZD - principal still owed, repaid with interest in weekly installments
Zagga: ~$946 NZD
Squirrel: $4,341.37 NZD

Kiwisaver: $129,796.31 NZD

US investments: $73,279.36 USD

Total Net Worth - NEW METHOD (FEBRUARY 2026): $312,172.84 NZD

I now only count long-term savings and investments in my Net Worth. This month's NW represents an increase of $4,962.14 NZD since last month, and an increase of $9,878.87 NZD since the beginning of the year.

What is counted in my Net Worth now:

Monday, February 23, 2026

January 2026 Report: Sad Girl Summer

Life Update

PhD & WORK

I am well behind on all of my ongoing work and deadlines. But I can't bring myself to care.

HEALTH & LIVING

I need to get a flatmate. I decided that I wouldn't even look for one until after my defense, whenever I feel ready for that. I need time. I need space.
I am waiting until my fieldwork is over in Feb to sign up for the gym again.
My well person check in November revealed I have very low iron (ferritin) and I was put on oral iron tablets. I need to get my iron checked again now, as well as my cholesterol, which apparently has spiked out of nowhere.
At my Nov appt., I asked about issues with my thumb/hands, feeling dizzy when I stand up after sitting for a while, and perimenopause. The doctor just looked at me like I was a hypochondriac. She said she should refer me to get scans but won't if I don't have health insurance. I decided to buy it for a year, and during that year, get all of the scans and such. I won't be able to afford it for more than a year, though. Unless my job changes...

TRAVEL, FAMILY, & FUN

Yeah, none of that is happening. My sister has gone into the hospital twice since I left the US in mid-Jan.
This is the second full month without my Dad. Life is incomprehensible without him. I cannot believe that I will have to go the REST of my life not hearing his voice or getting to tell him all about my highs and lows, or getting his advice.

MONEY THOUGHTS

I met my $1K spend for my new AAdvantage cc. I'll get 80K AA miles. This will replenish my miles that I used to take my 2nd ever first class flight from the US to NZ (that was a great experience, and I desperately needed the pampering after my dad's passing).
I revamped how I calculate my Net Worth, to try to encourage me to stop hoarding liquid cash that just sits in my (high yield) savings accounts losing value to inflation. I need to take that cash and spend it on what it is intended for or invest it. I'll keep an emergency fund, of course, but the rest can and should be spent within a year or two or moved to a place where it'll have a chance to grow.

MONTHLY CHALLENGES

Now that I'm back in NZ, I need to get back on the Healthy Food and Exercise train. I have been weighing myself every day and record it in a Health Tracker form I created on Google forms. The form also tracks my mood, food intake, day of my period, exercise, number of steps, any supplements, etc. Eventually I will break down the numbers and figure out what it all means.

January 2026 Budget

I am earning a full salary now so things are very comfortable. I returned from the US to NZ in the middle of the month.

Income: $6,123.69

Salary: $5,667.04

Lending Crowd repayments: $126.43

Zagga repayments: $5.22

Garage rent: $325 (5 Mondays)

Spending: $3,623.69 (59.2%)

Savings: $2,500

Spending categories (budgeted amount in parentheses):

Rent: $2,119 (no flatmate)

Groceries: $449.46 ($500)

Electricity & Internet: $160.15 ($150)

Charity: $0 ($50)

Cell phone: $20 ($20)

Medical: $30 ($100) - to renew a prescription

Eating out: $82.40 ($250) - breakfast sandwich at the airport; $15.10 mcdonalds; $34.10 french toast at a Hamilton cafe; $20.40 for a delicious smoothie (Maui Eatery) and some food;

Misc: $762.68 ($959)

alcohol: $0

entertainment: $44.06 - 2 x libro.fm audiobooks: I bought The Circle and The Every by Dave Eggers as I really wanted to listen to them and my library didn't have them - that was $26.06; $18 for entry to Hamilton Gardens

self care: $218 - spa pedicure @ $55; brow wax and tint and lash tint @ $67; haircut and luxurious smelling, good quality korean shampoo: $96;

fees: $203 - $40 for chatgpt for a month - to help me parse some dense tax legalese, work through the options for NZ health insurance, help me edit several difficult emails, and manage my daily ADHD schedule; $163 for 5 TB Google One storage

gifts: $30 - thank you flowers and gifts for friends that looked after my flat while I was away in the US for ~6 weeks.

goods and wants: $144.13 - $26.39 for a sleeping bag liner for an upcoming camping trip; $70 for a camping pad pillow; $47.75 to ship two rare books from the estate of a prominent scientist in my field in Australia to NZ

transportation: $113.09 - $2.39 for an escooter; $57.70 for mevo car; $53 for mevo car;

travel: $10.40 - supershuttle extra bag cost

Savings and Funds Activity Update

I transferred $5K to my US bank account this month. Some of that money will go towards my US credit cards, and about $2K will be used to buy US investments - once I have $3K to buy Admiral funds.
I have about $104K in Rabobank. I really need to transfer some funds elsewhere because $100K is the limit that is insured by the NZ government. The funds are split between a notice saver, a premium saver, and a regular old raboplus account. There is apparently a trick I can use to move funds from my premium saver account which requires the balance of the account to be $50 more than at the start of the month in order to qualify for a higher interest rate.
I have $50K+ in an on-call account earning 2% p.a. in Squirrel, with $3700 of that money invested in various peer-to-peer loans at $100 each at 6 to 6.5% p.a. About $3.3K of the money in the on-call account is waiting to be invested in personal loans at 7% p.a. when they become available (the wait times for those is about a year!).
I made no Zagga investments this month (again). With the housing market being so soft, I just don't...trust it? It is also $1K a pop in investments, and I'm not comfortable putting that many eggs in one basket. I have ONE loan out and I'm seeing how it all works.
I am waiting for Lending Crowd to start up again.

I've met all of my short and medium term savings goals, and then some. In lieu of goals, I have decided to save up for the eventuality that I will have no home and no job this September. This slush fund will also serve as a a start up fund in case I go freelance as well. I am calling it my "Freelance Consultancy Start Up Fund."

Net Worth Tracking

NZ Savings (cash): $150,027.50 NZD. This does not include funds invested in peer to peer loans.

Peer to peer lending: $5,874.55 (Zagga, Squirrel, open principal at Lending Crowd)

LendingCrowd: $1,090.48 NZD - principal still owed, repaid with interest in weekly installments
Zagga: ~$1K NZD
Squirrel: $3,799.73 NZD

Kiwisaver: $128,307.00 NZD

US investments: $67,051.16 USD

Total Net Worth - NEW METHOD (January 2026): $309,332.25 NZD

Starting from scratch a bit here. I now only count long-term savings and investments in this number, so it has gone down since last month. This is a decrease of $81,264.31 NZD since last month, and an increase of $N/A since the beginning of the year.

What is counted in my Net Worth now:

$60K NZD Former House Down Payment Fund (I will drip feed this into US investments)

$129,111.19 NZD Kiwisaver (NZ retirement)

$16,918.22 USD Roth IRA

$34,440.32 USD Traditional IRA

$1,191.24 USD Berkshire Hathaway investment fund (non-dividend yield fund)

$16,168.49 USD non-retirement investment account (+ $2K held in US bank account. Once this hits $3K USD, I will buy VTSAX, which has a minimum of $3K USD for Admiral (low fee) shares).

Unless I create new short- or medium-term goals, in which case I will save up for them of course, ALL 'extra' money leftover at the end of the month will get converted to USD and invested in VTSAX in my non-retirement brokerage account.

Sunday, February 22, 2026

This ONE Mind Trick Will CHANGE EVERYTHING (or, a major shake up to how I view my finances)

[This was written in October, before my dad passed]

Don't you just love the clickbaity articles and youtube video titles?! (Not.) I have to say that they kinda work on me sometimes, though!

While in the last few tumultuous years of my PhD, I dreamed of what came after, and purposefully saved a ton of money for those goals. I was stuck inside working / trying to get myself to work, skipping fun times with friends, not going on fun trips, and generally denying myself a lot of what I knew was healthy (no exercise, no stretching, no social life, lots of quick easy meals that were not necessarily nutritious, overeating to avoid work, tons of anxiety). At the very least, I thought, I could save money so Future Me could enjoy her life post-PhD.

That time has come. It is almost post-PhD!

I recently have realized that I have started to have a problem: I never want to spend my money. Even on things I know I want to do/buy. Even when I specifically saved up for that thing/experience. This is a problem how, you may ask?

Well, this has effed up my monthly budgets majorly. Over my US trip this past fall, I didn't move my "2025 US Trip" Fund $$ over to my bank account as I usually do. Since my income is higher, I thought I'd just *absorb* the cost of the trip within my monthly budgets. Easy, right?

NO.

I have a shameful secret (that I actually have talked about before, so is not really a secret): when I'm on vacation, I don't really restrict my spending. I do track it when I need to meet a minimum spend on a credit card, as happened during my trip this year, but I don't pay attention to the amount beyond that. If I know I need/want something that I cannot get in NZ and have been thinking about for months, I will just buy it. No dilly dallying about sales or whether I can get it cheaper elsewhere - I just buy it. Far too often I've dilly dallied and then totally regretted not buying the thing once I'm back in NZ. I've learned my lesson about this too many times.

Anyway, my monthly budgets for August, Sept, and October are now all wonky, because I didn't track my spending and also assumed I'd just absorb the spending within my budgets. If I expected to include that spending within my monthly budgets, I needed to track it!!! It's like the most obvious thing ever!

One may say, well, then, you've solved the issue - just track things properly next time! But no, this misses the point, and doesn't actually solve the REAL problem underlying my decision-making.

I started thinking - I can afford to buy the stuff I bought, and then some, so why is this such a big deal which "pot" of money that the vacation spending comes out of? My internal spending gauge kicks in easily after decades of practice now, and I completely trust myself to spend wisely. So my spending ALSO isn't the issue.

I realized then what the root of it all is: I am subconsciously avoiding moving the money from savings to checking because I do not want my Net Worth to go down. I want it to keep going up up UP (it's our moment - thank all the gods for the gem that is KPop Demon Hunters!).

But that mindset means that I will just hoard my money forever. If my NW can never go down by me voluntarily spending money, where TF does that leave me?! Never having fun, not going on trips, never again buying things that I have carefully thought about and want, not ever spending more than I can make in one month...THAT'S where. The discretionary spending from my monthly income essentially puts a firm cap on the amount I can spend on big ticket items and experiences. And that is NOT what I want my life to be like.

To fix this, I think I need to do a difficult thing. I think I need to remove my savings that are in short and medium term funds from my Net Worth. This will make it go down down down. It's a takedown, if you will. Yes, this will be PAINFUL. I feel like I've scratched and bit my way to try to break the $300K NZD and then the $350K mark over the last few years, and am ABOUT to hit the $400K mark... But I think it is necessary if I'm going to be able to enjoy my life the way I want to.

Here is my funds list, with those that will be affected marked with an asterisk:

Completed Short-Term (~1 yr) Funds:

$5K 2025 Christmas? US Trip Fund* - we just found out that my dad probably has lung cancer and this might be his last Christmas with us. Plus, my defense is on December 12 - we will have something to celebrate at least! I have bought flights home after my defense, for Dec 15, to surprise my parents and sister :)

$5K 2026 US Trip Fund*

$650 Premium Gym Membership Fund*

$4K Furniture Fund*

$5.2K Rent + Bond Fund*

$1K New Smartphone Fund*

$2K New Laptop Fund*

Completed Medium-Term (1-5 yrs) Funds:

$10K EF*

$5K 2025 Post-PhD Hand-In Pre-Defense Travel*

$13K Post-PhD Graduation Travel Fund*

$10K Post-Defense Life Set Up Fund*

$5K Post-PhD Hobby Fund*

$10K Medical Fund*

$5K Tax Advisor Hire Fund*

$4582 Freelance Consultancy Start Up Fund*

Completed Long-Term (5+ yrs) Funds:

$60K Former House Down Payment Fund

*This money was saved up to be SPENT later. NOT saved. It has a near-future purpose. Therefore, it shouldn't be counted in my Net Worth. Those funds are to be used for investment in myself, my health, my quality of life, my peace of mind, to save me during emergencies, etc., over the next 5 years.

The problem is that you could consider EVERY fund/savings expendable in the very long term.

Retirement funds are meant to be spent during retirement, after all. House down payment funds are meant to be spent on ...a house down payment. Etc. Ad nauseum. So what does it matter? That is a tricky question, but short- and medium-term vs long-term is where I've decided to draw my line. Any savings that are meant to be spent in the next 5 years does not go into my Net Worth, full stop. Any money saved up to be spent after that horizon, is counted. At least for now.

The only fund that I do not think should get caught up in this round up is my $60K House Down Payment Fund. I had pipe dreams of buying in NZ but have since realized that is never going to happen on my salary. Maybe if I get a decent inheritance (hopefully far down the road), but I do not want to count on that. That money really belongs in investments rather than liquid savings. I'm waiting on financial advice, the US-NZ currency exchange to get better, and to explore some tax efficient investment options here in NZ before I can do that.

The rest - about $85,500(!) - needs to be taken out of the calculations for my Net Worth. This drops my Net Worth down to just above $300K (dependent on the stock market and the US-NZ currency exchange). OUCH. This is brutal, but I think this is a very necessary step to:

1. Prevent me from becoming a stingy miser who never spends money even on things she wants and probably needs,

2. Encourage myself to think more carefully about what I am saving up for. Do I really want it? Is it a short- or medium-term goal, or a long-term goal? Where does that money belong in the grand scheme of things? and

3. Have a realistic picture of my *actual* Net Worth.

This will be a painful change, so I'm waiting until the new year to make it. Starting January 2026, I'll shift how I calculate my Net Worth and make new goals accordingly.

The new SideBar is up NOW!

Saturday, February 21, 2026

Catching Up...Slowly

I have a slew of posts I have partially written over the past 6 or so months and not had the time/inclination to finish and post. My monthly budget updates, for example. My new $$ strategy. My new credit card. An experience in first class long haul flying.

I'll just start finishing them and posting them, so there will be a glut of posts over the coming days to weeks.

Saturday, January 17, 2026

If I were well-off...

...I would just go and fill SO many Go-Fund-Mes to the brim. Reading them is so, so sad.

That Elon Musk and TSwift and all the Bezos's of the world are not doing things like that is absolute insanity. How can they LIVE with themselves? Having so much while other people have so very little and suffer so much. I would be fighting for fairness, to equalize the system, if I felt as financially secure as they must feel.

I need to give more back. My future feels so uncertain, though. I will lose my job and low rent apartment in the next year so feel like I should not start giving right now. I need to be smart about it.

Some of the hesitation is due to the fact that I just lost my dad. I have this urge to give BIG but I know I should not be making decisions like that right now.

It is a huge new world without him. I'm trying to rebuild myself in a way that would make him proud and happy, but it is such a struggle every minute of every day.

Tuesday, January 06, 2026

December 2025: The first full month without my Dad

Life Update

December passed with me in a fugue. My world stopped when I got the phone call that my Dad had passed the day before Thanksgiving. My mom left a voicemail at 4 am NZ time and I woke up and saw the notification at 7 am. I've been at home since the Friday after Thanksgiving. Our holidays will always be marred by that memory. Nothing will ever be the same anymore. So far the grief is just getting larger and larger as the missed moments without him pile up. We'd be making noise in the kitchen or somewhere in the house and normally he'd yell to find out what was happening. Every single time we have a scene like that, I expect to hear his voice and when it doesn't come, think, "Dad would have said ___ right now, but he can't." And then the wave of devastating sadness returns. Those moments are just building up. I've never ever gone this long without speaking to him and hearing him say he loves me.

It feels so unfair that I was SO. CLOSE. to my defense and graduating with my PhD. It was one of the big things he was looking forward to. As was I, of course. We *almost* made it. Him passing before that could happen was literally my biggest fear throughout my entire PhD. When I wrote the dedication to my entire (alive) family in my thesis, I thought, WHEW, we're nearly there, we're actually gonna make it! When I hit the 'submit' button on my thesis, I thought we were in the clear. I was so thankful that he would get to see our dreams come true. I let my guard down, and now I'm paying for my hubris. I should have known better. Good things like that just don't happen to people like me. Things always have to be so difficult, or snatched away at the last moment.

I had a flight home the day after he passed. I have zero annual leave left due to some snafus in the HR system, but applied for 2 weeks' bereavement leave and was approved. I had to work the week before Christmas which was awful. I think I got through about one email a day. One day I had a half hour meeting and it was excruciating. I was in bed for about 16 hours afterward. The trying to focus thing is so difficult right now, it wipes me out.

Christmas was terrible. We went through the motions and got through it as a family, but it was quiet and sad. We hadn't gotten the tree up or decorated at all. My little sister in particular really wanted us to put up the tree. I couldn't be bothered, and neither could my mom. But the day before Christmas Eve I felt guilty and talked about it to my mom. I went to Walmart to get a small pre-decorated tree. It sufficed for the holiday and was a good decision. On Christmas Eve we went to my aunt's house and hung out with my cousin and her kid. We went to the Christmas Eve church service and saw people from church. Then we went back to their house and opened presents and ate some food. Christmas morning was just me and my mom and sister. For the first time in my life, we didn't have stockings to go through first. It was so weird to not have my dad there exclaiming over our usual presents of socks to him, of course.

One day afterward I traveled to see a college friend and his family for lunch. It was nice but we are just not as close anymore, and he has changed a lot. For NYE, I drove 4 hours away to see another college friend and stay at his place for a few days. He has a new puppy that kept us very busy. I sobbed telling him about my dad passing and how it all unfolded, and I cried many other times during the trip, esp the morning of New Year's Day. The prospect of a full year ahead of me without my Dad was too hard. It has barely been a month. I wasn't sure I could go and stay with my friend for so long - I have only really been around my mom and sister for long periods of time since my dad passed. I thought I was going to have to drive home early, actually. The thought of facing a whole year without my dad still overwhelms me. I'm not going to get through it without feeling even worse emotionally than I do now, and it scares me.

On the 5th, I have to go back to work. My employer forces us to take the week between Christmas and the day after New Year's Day off. I'm not up for it. I'm working remotely for now, but have a flight back to NZ next week.

PhD & WORK

I am well behind on all of my ongoing work and deadlines. But I can't bring myself to care.

HEALTH & LIVING

I still don't have a flatmate. Luckily my LL gave me a break on rent while I'm in the US grieving my dad. That will stop when I'm back in NZ in mid-January. I have to put up an ad and interview flatmates when I return. I'm not looking forward to it at all.
On the plane ride to NZ, I had all these delusions of spurring my mom and sister to go on short walks while I was at home, but I have been eating badly and not exercising at all. I'm definitely still too sad to find any motivation to do anything healthy.
My well person check in November revealed I have very low iron (ferritin). I got my shingles vaccine. I asked about issues with my thumb/hands, feeling dizzy when I stand up after sitting for a while, and perimenopause. The doctor just looked at me like I was a hypochondriac. She said she should refer me to get scans but won't if I don't have health insurance. In NZ? Where we have a public health system?? She also said that I shouldn't "go looking" for perimenopause symptoms when I described my irregular periods, hot flashes, and very CLEAR signs of perimenopause. Private health insurance is many hundreds of dollars in NZ and I keep looking into it and deciding not to get it. I guess I'll just see how I get along on the public system.

TRAVEL, FAMILY, & FUN

MONEY THOUGHTS

I applied for a new cc in December. On my flight home in November, American Air gave out special credit car bonus deal that was hard to pass up: 80K points for $1K spend. That effectively replaces the airmiles I used to pay for my round trip flights to/from NZ for my dad's funeral.
I gave a talk at a conference and won runner up for best talk. The prize for that was $250.
I need to start feeling OK with spending the money that I saved up for for a certain reason ON that reason. Otherwise I'll just end up hoarding money or feeling like my bank balance is too low (because I use my income to pay for things instead of the money I've saved up). Once I recognized this problem, I devised a new strategy that I'll start in 2026. It will mean that my Net Worth will plummet, but I need to change my mindset around spending money that I have saved up for a specific purpose. If my dad's death has taught me anything, it is that I need to stop putting off my life and actually live it.

MONTHLY CHALLENGES

N/A
When I'm back in NZ, I need to get back on the Healthy Food and Exercise train.

December 2025 Budget

I am earning a full salary now so things are very comfortable. I was in the US through the whole month.

Income: $6,423.97

Salary: $5,667.04

Lending Crowd repayments: $176.21

Zagga repayments: $5.22

Garage rent: $325 (it was a 5 Monday month)

Talk award prize money: $250

Spending: $2,260.96 (35.2%)

Moved to Savings: $2,500

Kept in Reserve (US cc bills): $1,663.01

Spending categories (budgeted amount in parentheses):

Rent: $1,212 (no flatmate; I'm paying half of the total rent myself because my LL took pity on me this month)

Groceries: $0 ($500)

Electricity & Internet: $0 ($150). December's bill came in January.

Charity: $356 ($50) I contributed to a grad school friend's go-fundme. He worked for the US govt and got caught up in a terrible situation during the administration's shenanigans, this all while caring for a disabled child who needs special housing and schooling (very expensive).

Cell phone: $20 ($20) I bought a roaming package in the US.

Medical: $20.20 ($100) I wasn't eating much after I got home so I bought some multivitamins to ensure I at least got some good stuff in my system.

Eating out: $119.65 ($250) These are deferred costs from my flights and travel at the end of November - I forgot to log them before I did my November budget round up and reconciliation, so they ended up moving to December. It's mostly a pizza night from Sal's and a smoothie and food and souvenir food from Auckland airport.

Misc: $533.11 ($959)

alcohol, self care, gifts, goods and wants, transportation: $0

entertainment: $35 - chatgpt for one month. It came in handy for asking about various things pertaining to my dad's death, but I don't think I'll renew unless I have a similar stressful month coming up.

fees: $421.77 for contents insurance for 2026 and $75 for my ANZ credit card biannual fee (worth it for the travel insurance alone).

travel: $76.34 - flight back to NZ fees and taxes (used AA miles)

Savings and Funds Activity Update

I have about $104K in Rabobank. I really need to transfer some funds elsewhere because $100K is the limit that is insured by the NZ government. The funds are split between a notice saver, a premium saver, and a regular old raboplus account. There is apparently a trick I can use to move funds from my premium saver account which requires the balance of the account to be $50 more than at the start of the month in order to qualify for a higher interest rate.
I have $50K+ in an on-call account earning 2% p.a. in Squirrel, with $3700 of that money invested in various peer-to-peer loans at $100 each at 6 to 6.5% p.a. About $3.3K of the money in the on-call account is waiting to be invested in personal loans at 7% p.a. when they become available (the wait times for those is about a year!).
I made no Zagga investments this month (again). With the housing market being so soft, I just don't...trust it? It is also $1K a pop in investments, and I'm not comfortable putting that many eggs in one basket. I have ONE loan out and I'm seeing how it all works.
I am waiting for Lending Crowd to start up again.

I've met all of my short and medium term savings goals, and then some. In lieu of goals, I have decided to save up for the eventuality that I will have no home and no job this September. This slush fund will also serve as a a start up fund in case I go freelance as well. I am calling it my "Freelance Consultancy Start Up Fund."

Net Worth Tracking

NZ Savings (cash): $150,027.50 NZD. This does not include funds invested in peer to peer loans.

Peer to peer lending: $5,874.55 (Zagga, Squirrel, open principal at Lending Crowd)

LendingCrowd: $1,090.48 NZD - principal still owed, repaid with interest in weekly installments
Zagga: ~$1K NZD
Squirrel: $3,799.73 NZD

Kiwisaver: $128,307.00 NZD

US investments: $67,051.16 USD

Total Net Worth (Dec 2025): $390,596.56 NZD

This is an increase of $4,588.14 NZD since last month, and an increase of $48,270.92 since the beginning of the year. Starting in January 2026, I will be changing how I report my Net Worth. It will drop about $100K for reasons I will explain in another post.

Monday, December 29, 2025

I Don't Know Who I Am or What I Want Anymore

With Dad gone, 45 in office, perimenopause and ADHD hitting hard, a terrible economy, rising costs, AI slop takeover, and a second pandemic of disinformation (on top of the covid pandemic, which is STILL GOING ON - a family friend just lost their sibling to it), as well as the loss of several dear friends (these people are not dead but are too busy to keep in contact now that they have left NZ), with other friends in NZ very busy with kids and marriage, life has lost a LOT of its luster and fun over the past ~10 years.

I thought I knew what I wanted: lots of travel with good friends, seeing family a lot, beach vacations, weekend getaways, camping and ski trips, new countries, new experiences, and adventures. During the PhD, I saved up so much money and daydreamed of this every chance I got. I strategically have been applying for credit card bonuses and have, arguably, enough to subsidize most of my flight costs for several big overseas trips. I have meticulously planned flight routes and airmile costs.

But I don't feel like doing ANY of that. I don't feel like seeing friends. I only want to be around my mom and sister, at most. The people who understand the pain, and people that knew my Dad best. I don't feel like organizing a big trip, let alone several. I don't want new crazy once in a lifetime experiences.

I want to stay home. Alone. Cozy. Cocoon. Warmth. Baths. Dim light. Audiobooks (because I can't see without reading glasses anymore, and even then, it is a struggle to make out some text). Slow movement. Slow life. Quiet. No obligations. Security. Delivery of food. Convenience. Routine. Sameness. Solitude. Predictability. Nothing new, nothing different. I want the world to just. stop. I need to catch my breath. With Dad gone, I feel like I have to relearn how to breathe and walk and do literally everything again, because nothing is the same, or will ever be the same, anymore. I feel like nothing should move or change in case he comes back.

This places my current needs completely at odds with what I have been saving up my time, energy, airmiles, and money for. Stuff I was supposed to be doing relatively soon.

All that to say, I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know what will give my life meaning anymore. I thought I knew, but now I don't. I have to redefine who I am. What will help give shape to me without my Dad to help define those edges?

I obviously need therapy, of course, but I also need to completely rehaul my life goals. So many of them just don't apply anymore.

Sunday, December 28, 2025

Draft 2026 Goals

2025 was absolutely horrible on so many fronts. I wasted so much of my life on the PhD, and was really looking forward to all that deferred quality time and celebrating with my family and friends. Two weeks before my defense was scheduled, my dad passed away.

I made a few inroads after submission to repair my life and mental and physical health post-PhD, but have run into the other P monster now: perimenopause. I slid back quite a ways after finding out my dad had lung cancer on my first trip home in Sept 2025. And now after he passed, I can barely get through the day, let alone make progress on life goals. But I made a list anyhow. Here are my usual goals, plus some:

Health Goals

Plan meals weekly, grocery shop, and cook for the week, every week.
Medical appointments:

renew thyroid and ADHD scrips in:

~~May~~,
~~August before US trip~~, and
Nov 2026: check up for blood test, perimenopause, thyroid & ADHD scrips w/ GP. Ask about getting the shingles vax 3.5 years early? Ask if I need any vaccinations for travel or to top up long-term vax like tetanus or Meningococcal vax. Ask about ENT doctors and fixing sinuses. Partially DONE! I got my first shingles vax. I got a blood test and found out I have very low iron. I got my ADHD and thyroid pill scrip renewed. I got a well person check and asked about perimenopause (I got dismissed on that one - will need to go to someone else).

Think about switching doctors. The Fono (4.3 stars on google) and
Victoria Park Medical Suites (4.4 stars on google) have better ratings than my current doc for much cheaper.

Update: I ended up seeing a different, younger, BETTER doctor who listened to me and actually ordered the right tests and treatments I was seeking.
I’m not due for a mammogram, cervical cancer swab, or colon cancer test in 2026 (they all were completed in 2025).

Physio. Ask about pain in left inside shoulder and improving flexibility and posture.

look for physio options - at work ($79 per visit), nearby studio ($75 for 30 mins and $150 for the initial review).
Update August 2026: I somehow 'won' a free physio visit to a very nice clinic. I went and it was predictably not super helpful, even though it was a good place. The physio presented a treatment option and I agreed, thinking it was part of the free appointment, but it was not, so I had to decline.
book $150 initial review.
Plan for two more 30 min visits to hit the $300 insurance limit.

Optometry

~~book appointment for August 2026 before job gets cut.~~ (staff gets free appointments)
get reading glasses prescription updated. Note: my 2025 prescription I got is not correct. I had to return the glasses and order new ones with the prescription from 2022. In 2026, make sure they measure what I need from reading glasses using the computer or reading from much further away. that may be the issue?
Treat my dry eyes via drops and heating pads.
Look through advice online for convergence insufficiency treatments.
Order new computer reading glasses from Zenni.
Treat eyes better by resting them every hour while using the computer.

Vaccinations and shots

~~Shingles. Get 2^nd shot by May 2026 (2-6 mo after first shot).~~ DONE March 13 2026
~~Flu shot - April 2026~~ DONE 10 April 2026
Bivalent COVID boosters every 6 mo:

~~April 2026~~ DONE 10 April 2026
Oct 2026

Take Buccaline:

mid-June
~~mid-August (before US trip)~~

Dentist

~~May 2026 cleaning~~
~~May 2026 dental check up~~
Nov 2026 dental cleaning
Floss every day
Use electronic toothbrush every day

Dermatologist

Research dermatologists & make appt
Mole map
Treat eczema
start skin care regimen and find products that I like.

ADHD/Therapy

Research ADHD time, energy, & motivation hacks, make list of 25 hacks to try, and experiment with them within my work.
Therapy appt: make once I can afford it again. Focus on emotional issues and someone with experience in ADHD. My last therapist did not understand.
Look into ADHD coaches.

Research how to upgrade my mental health.
Try to lose weight naturally: pay better attention to what and how I eat. Try eating only if hungry and in smaller portions. Stop eating when I'm full.

Finances

~~Update strategy to track Net Worth: do NOT count short- or medium-term funds in the NW total.~~ DONE January 2026
Track spending.

1. Update net worth every month

2. ~~Aim for $350K NZD Net Worth by end 2026.~~ August 2026: The market is a bit up and down but done!

Stay out of debt.
Track peer to peer lending returns (Squirrel & Zagga) each month.
Keep track of airpoints for travel every quarter.
Continue to check in on my credit scores via CreditKarma and NZ credit score company every quarter.
Use Delta e-ticket funds that expire by Sept 2026. (Used this trick to extend the expiry date and had to use a US VPN just to get Delta to show me flight options). The ecert for $333 USD expires on 20 Sept 2026.
Use Singapore miles before June. Done but I need to change the dates of my ticket.
Review investing strategy.

Look into alternate ways to invest.

Continue peer to peer investments in Squirrel.
Carefully select and invest in more peer loans via Zagga.
Convert large chunk of $$ ($30K NZD) to USD if it hits 0.80 USD per 1 NZD...maybe? Depends on 45's shenanigans. :(
Research buying options / put calls as a way to buy US ETFs as a US-NZ dual citizen (mentioned here and here).
I can invest ~$30K more NZD in my US brokerage before hitting the NZ FIF limit, but I'll want to dollar cost average that instead of just dumping it all at once. Keep contributing $50 USD/mo to US brokerage account. I've decided to invest in Berkshire Hathaway shares until I hit the FIF limit. This fund importantly does not kick off dividends that would be double taxed in NZ and US - only taxed in the US.
Figure out what to do with my liquid savings to get better returns.

2. After #1 is as complete as I can make it, research US-NZ tax accountants and financial advisors. Make list of questions. Create short-list of 5 people to ask questions to in a pre-interview. Deferred to 2026.

Ask 5 US-NZ tax accountants / international financial advisors to ask about tax efficiency, investment strategies, review diversification and asset allocation, and independent contracting: GST registration, US SS and Medicare, deductions in both countries. Choose one to try out for 2025-26. Deferred to 2026.

~~Ask advisor q's re: going freelance (e.g., GST, SS tax, tax management and filing).~~ As of Aug 2026: I have been offered a role that means I do not need to go freelance (for now).
Ask advisor about Kiwisaver - IRS issues re: trusts and PFICs.
Ask advisor how to update retirement plans and goals. My previous goals are detailed here, here, here, and here, but they need to be updated in light of the situation in the US.
Ask advisor and research how to update will and trust documents for international situation. Where does my $$ go and how is it transferred/treated across international borders? Who will owe tax? How to do tax efficient estate planning? Potentially get friend of friend to help with this in NZ?

3. After seeing a financial advisor, review asset allocation and diversification across all of my US and NZ accounts.

4. After seeing a financial advisor, rebalance Kiwisaver and all US investments so that overall, everything is allocated in the proportions that I want them to be.

~~File US taxes.~~ DONE March 13 2026 (mailed)
~~File state taxes.~~ DONE March 13 2026 (mailed)
~~File FBAR.~~ DONE March 13 2026 (mailed)
Apply for cc's strategically: see here.
Try to keep my job at 0.3 FTE by going freelance. Ask for amenities and accommodations at job location:

Office space
Laptop
Staff gym membership rates
Access to windows office365 and zoom workplace accounts
Access to project DropBox, Figshare, website, and other notable accounts.
Access to room bookings system and building floor plans.

As of Aug 2026: I have been offered a role that means I do not need to go freelance (for now).

~~Renew renter's insurance.~~ DONE for 2026!
Contribute enough to Kiwisaver to get government contribution in 2026-2027 ($1,042.86).
~~File/check NZ taxes (June/July).~~ I owe $420 because my tax rate was too low for most of the year.
~~Investigate how to go freelance in NZ. What are my US tax obligations? NZ?~~ As of Aug 2026: I have been offered a role that means I do not need to go freelance (for now).
Investigate how to become my mom’s ~~Power of Attorney~~, Health directive, and beneficiary on all of her accounts without unnecessarily exposing her/me to legal risks.

Travel/Experiences/Social

Talk to family at least once a week.
Text or email friends at least once a week or once a month or once a quarter, depending on where they fall in the contact hierarchy.
Trips to:

Northland?
Rarotonga?
ski?
Hawaii, Iceland, London, and France?

Go home in September 2026.
During US trip:

Back up personal laptop when at home - clone HDs.
Extend Delta ecredits (expire sept 20 2026).
Order Zenni glasses.
Buy stuff on list of stuff to buy while in US.
Check Experian and Equifax credit reports from the US. (Note for future years: Experian and Equifax made me call in and order my reports: 877-322-8228--they refused me online.)
Make plans and see family & friends:

B - Sept 14
H - ? she is aware I'm coming
N/J/A in DC- ?
local aunt and cousins - beach 19 Sept

Make list of classes I'm interested in (e.g. watercolors, dance), with locations, durations, prices, etc., and start trying them out.
Find something fun and social (but safe) to do for Xmas 2026 and New Year's Eve 2026-27, if I do not go home to the US.

Work/Computer Stuff:

Back up personal and work laptops AND make image of HD several times a year: ~~January / April / August~~ / October.
Every quarter, check that the work back up system is working to back up work files separately every week, month, and quarter on the first of each month.
Research how to improve my digital security. Ideas:

Invest in a good high speed VPN and use most of the time on my laptop. Bought ProtonVPN for 1 year in April 2025. I find it quite slow? And I often do not use it because it means I have to change my US SIM card to log in anywhere useful. Would surfshark be faster? Do I actually need a VPN at all?
Look into automatic back up systems that don't rely on me manually checking that they are done properly.

Finish moving all Google work files to DropBox.
Reduce files on Google Drive (move to two external hard drives) to be able to eliminate my Google One subscription costs. Do I need this if I go freelance, though? Might be a useful business expense.
Make revisions to thesis and resubmit. Due 2 October.
~~Defend my PhD.~~
Submit PhD papers and get them published:

Paper 1: Code + MA: in draft manuscript form
Paper 2: MS - in draft manuscript form
~~Paper 3: GE&F's~~ - Submitted and under review in Nov 2024. May 2025: Under revision. December 2025: revisions resubmitted. March 2026: in proof / production stage. April: published.

Write and submit one post-doc paper describing results of my study. Aug 2026: paper outlined, tasks assigned to co-authors, and a deadline of end October has been set for the full draft.
Write and submit one paper for fun. Aug 2026: the data is all messed up. I'm trying to figure it out.

Life Upgrades (now that I should have more free time and $$, post-PhD):

~~June 2026 (before getting a flatmate): Get a maid / cleaning service for a massive move out cleaning, including the oven, to start over with cleaning with a clean slate.~~ Nope, didn't do this.
Consider living by myself in a new apartment with good amenities (tennis court, pool, gym, jacuzzi) if my current apartment complex or apartment is sold. Do I need a tennis court now that friend has become disinterested in tennis and my right thumb seems to have gotten mysteriously injured? No, I cannot afford this.
Start paring belongings down to reduce mental clutter and in preparation for move.

Technological details:

New smartphone. Budget: $1K NZD / $600 USD

5G capability
works in US and NZ
Android
USB-C charging port
eSIM, microSIM, and dual SIM if possible
headphone jack (or i could get an adapter I guess)
really good cameras
slot for expandable storage
wireless charging capability
long battery life
replaceable battery
small form factor (flip phone?)

Options:

Samsung Galaxy A54? $400
Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 5? $900
Samsung Galaxy XCover7? or cover8? seems to have everything I want except it is large. works with 5G n78 and n40 in NZ, n41, n71 in US; 4G 4, 5 and 66 in US; has main band 3 in NZ also 40 and 28; https://www.gsmarena.com/samsung_galaxy_xcover7-12784.php. Doesn't seem to be sold in the US?

NZ skinny 5G bands:

n78 (3500 MHz) and n40 (2300 MHz)
4G Bands: 3 (1800 MHz), 7 (2600 MHz), 28 (700 MHz), and 40 (2300 MHz) for 4G coverage, with 3G band 5 (850 MHz) also available.

US Tmobile 5G bands:

Band n2 / n25 (1900MHz)
Band n41 (2.5 GHz)
Band n258 (24 GHz)
Band n260 (39 GHz)
Band n261 (28 GHz)
Band n71 (600 MHz)
4G LTE Bands:
Band 5 (850 MHz)
Band 4 (1700/2100 MHz)
Band 66 (Extension of band 4 on 1700/2100 MHz).

2. New laptop. Budget: $2K NZD / $1.1 USD

light and small-ish for traveling - 13 - 15.6" screen
extremely light weight and thin (< 2.5 lb)
2+ TB hard drive
touchscreen
full keyboard with number pad
touch pad
upgrade RAM from 16 GB
upgrade processor to be able to play the sequel to the only vid game I play without my laptop getting so hot - can I use nvidia instead?
ability to open up base and upgrade parts myself
I really like my LG Gram, so something similar to it would be great
LG gram SuperSlim 15.6" Laptop - Intel Evo Platform Intel Core Ultra 7 - 32GB RAM - 2TB SSD - Neptune Blue: $2K?
why a new laptop? -keyboard keys pop out/don’t work easily -not enough RAM for fave vid game sequel -screen hinges loose -starting freelance work?

3. Cheap tablet or similar with lightweight accessories for travel

main use case is to research activities during travel, make bookings, email, etc. and watch movies and for entertainment on planes and during down days of travel
can use Windows on it to work if needed (e.g. for a conference) - need Excel and powerpoint mainly
can pair with lightweight small mouse and roll up keyboard
small. lightweight.
powered by high speed USB-C
cheap in case of robbery (don't want to have to worry about it).

BREAK IN CASE OF MOVING

My current complex is up for sale. I've had a look at the rentals available over the past year. Any move will result in increased rent and I'd still not maintain my current level of comfort/amenities, so I will need to reduce my expenses in preparation.

Here is some of the pre-planning I've done, along with the $4K furniture fund and $5.2K bond and starter rent fund (see sidebar).

 Start eating down my pantry/fridge/freezer and start reducing the amount of food I have on hand at any one time.

 Look through chattels list from the landlord. What stuff will stay with my apartment? What can I bring with me to the new apartment? Start separating stuff I own vs stuff that needs to stay in the apartment. Is there anything perhaps that I could ask the landlord to sell to me, since the apartment complex is just going to get knocked down anyway and the furniture will become extraneous? I would ask for the beds, nightstands, the new couches, and the dining room table is perfect for a small living room when folded up to its smallest size, yet can accommodate 6-7 people around it expanded when I have game nights. The microwave is newer. I'd love to take some of the wooden shelves too. Basically nearly everything?

 Look through my expenses and get quotes to reduce costs, mainly renter's insurance and fibre internet and electricity. Consider unbundling electricity and internet, since I read that they are more expensive when bundled.

 Make list of belongings that I need to move, and what size vehicle and packing materials will be needed.

 Start recruiting friends to help me move.

 Start shopping around and meal planning to lower grocery bill - is there any way I can reduce this?

 After the move, investigate if I should enrol in a different medical practice since my current one increased their prices and is no longer considered a low cost medical clinic? https://doctorpricer.co.nz/

 Consider changing jobs if I am no longer able to save any money post-move. Are there side hustles or extra jobs I could take on to supplement my current job, post-PhD submission?

 Investigate how to earn extra income with low effort, e.g.: https://sidehustlescience.org/pawns-app-review/

 Look through all of my personal belongings - what can I sell/donate/give away/trash/use up before the move?

clothes in:

dresser
closets
under bed

bookshelf in room
nightstand
top of dresser
small shelf #1
small shelf #2
on desk
in bathroom #1 drawers and under sink
in under-stairs storage shelves
in garage storage
in bathroom #2 under the sink
in downstairs bookshelf
kitchen pantry, drawers, shelves
patio gardening supplies

List of furniture to buy secondhand if I have to move to an unfurnished place: $4K budget

mattresses, box springs, and bed frames - Queen & Double - $700?
nightstands x 3: $100 total
wardrobes if no closets or built ins: 2 x $300 each
dressers or dressing tables x 2: $150 total
couches - 2 seater: $50; 3 seater: $150
coffee table: $25
tv stand: $30
tv: $200
bar stools: 3x $30 each
end tables: 3x $20 each
dining room table and chairs - $150 - $200
replace my desk: $150
balcony furniture: $200
I have: trash cans, other accoutrements (lamps, rugs, vacuum, broom, mop, ironing board and iron, small shelves)
I have: kitchen implements (toaster, kettle, pots, pans, baking pans, casserole dishes, cups, mugs, plates, bowls, glasses, silverware, blender, dishrack, mixing bowls, spatulas, measuring cups, etc.): ???

Completed Funds & Goal Progress

NZ Net Worth: $362,182.24 NZD

last update: Aug 2026

Peer to Peer Lending Investments

$335.40 LendingCrowd (I'm owed)

~$900 Zagga (owed)

$9101.54 Squirrel (owed)

Fund Progress

$25K Freelance Consultancy Start Up Fund

$25,696.01
102%

$25K

Completed Short-Term (~1 yr) Funds:

$2K 2026 US Trip Fund ($3K spent)

$4K Furniture Fund

$5.2K Rent + Bond Fund

$1K New Smartphone Fund

$2K New Laptop Fund

Completed Medium-Term (1-5 yrs) Funds:

$10K EF

$18K Post-PhD Graduation Travel Fund

$10K Post-Defense Life Set Up Fund

$5K Post-PhD Hobby Fund

$10K Medical Fund

$5K Tax Advisor Hire Fund

Completed Long-Term (5+ yrs) Funds:

$60K Former House Down Payment Fund