Right Back Where We Started

Sigh. I suppose I have to explain my last post about my sister.

In comparison to the debacle that Revanche's deviant brother caused this go-round, this is probably nothing.

I'm really mostly upset because she has been doing so well for the past year.  So well that I had even begun to hope that she could get all the way better, back to the sister I knew before the illness struck. I've given up hope before, and, miraculously, it was starting to eke back.

I'm going to recount the entire story, because it starts off kind of funny:

She and the boyfriend she'd had for almost a year broke up, because (allegedly) he is addicted to internet pee oh are en. Sorry to make light of the situation, but I kind of laughed at that, because it didn't sound like an actual addiction, more like a once in a while thing, which I'm given to believe (by my male friends) is very normal. It wasn't causing negative consequences in his life or anything, but it was bothering him because he was getting super religious and couldn't 'stop himself'. Anyway, he broke up with her, and she was upset.

She went through her usual 'am i into guys or girls?' scenario that she always goes through when she is single, and then always goes straight back to guys.  Her now ex-boyfriend berated her for this, because he felt that just because he was going through something, she wasn't allowed to 'stray from God' because of it. THE ROLL OF MY EYES COULD BE HEARD IN CHINA.  

The ex's best friend decided he was in love with my sister, but she barely knew him and told me that she didn't really like him and that he was kind of a loser (not using those exact words, but definitely implying major doubt about whether he was boyfriend material).  The red flags she recounted included that he was illiterate and had been in jail for assault of an ex-wife.  A real charmer with up-and-comer potential.

The very next week, they were together and she couldn't ever remember saying those words.

Cut to two weeks later, and she tells me that she bought the new boyfriend $400 worth of electronics.

I ask her why she bought him that stuff, and she says, 'because he asked after he found out that I had a little bit of extra money.' Oh and also, 'I want to break up with him.'  Apparently the dude also told other people that he was going to get my sister to buy him a laptop next.

The questions and exclamations this brings up in my head swirl around until become twisted because I want to ask and say them all at once:

--WHAT EXTRA MONEY?  You owe mom $6000, and me $5000.
--WHAT THE (EXPLETIVE)?!
--ARE YOU CRAZY?! YOU HAVE KNOWN HIM FOR TWO WEEKS!
--WHAT KIND OF A-HOLE IS HE THAT HE ASKED YOU TO BUY HIM STUFF?
--NOW YOU WANT TO BREAK UP WITH HIM?
--WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
--and so on.

So, first things first, I have to hang up on her because I'm so insulted. I tell her I have to go.

That evening, I write her a note because I don't trust myself to talk to her without yelling at her.  In it, I explain why I'm so pissed:  mom and I are taking our hard earned money to feed and clothe her, take her on trips to Hawaii and California, give her money for school, and most of all, are spending over $5K on her to take her to New Zealand. Generally, we are making sure her life doesn't suck just because she is on welfare. If she has any 'extra money', it should go to us to repay us and help with costs for the trip or to the debt she owes us for other times she has run up credit card bills and not had the money to pay. That's where I'm coming from.  Instead, she GIVES it away to some loser mooching off of her. It's like slapping us in the face. Repeatedly. Until we bleed. Mostly I'm angry on behalf of my mother, who has ENOUGH to deal with than to deal with my idiot sister bankrolling some felon with money that should be going to her.

My sister agrees to do two things:  1) get the money for the items back OR the items themselves back (no receipt, OF COURSE, but at least then she could sell them on c-list or whatever) AND 2) break up with him.

Interestingly, she does so within 24 hours of my rant.

As of this writing, the dude has given her $200, I think.  And they are broken up.

I forget about it for a few days because all seems fine, and then Saturday, when I wrote that post, I found out the answer to the question that I should have asked first:  where did the money come from?

She thought that she was being given a Pell Grant by the government. She has previously been a recipient.  Her university where she is taking long distance courses sent her a financial aid form and she signed it without reading it.  Turns out, she actually took out a $6,000 student loan.

MOTHER ________!!!!!

AAAAAGGGHHH!!!!

(lots more expletives here)

So they sent her the money, and guess what?  She thought it was 'free.'  Right.  Free money. Sure.  What does she do with free money?  What would you and I do?  Probably save it, buy some textbooks. My sister?  Buys her boyfriend of two weeks televisions and X-boxes, and goes on a shopping spree.  A week later, she has $0.  ZERO.  NADA.  She spent $6K on nothing.  She said she didn't know what she spent it on--she has NOTHING to show for it.  And now she owes the loan company $6K.

(more freaking out here)

I'm just, just, so...disappointed doesn't even cover it. I despair for her future.  She'll never make it.  $6K in a week.  How does that happen?

And not even a thought of helping mom or me out with NZ or the money she owes us. Does not even cross her tiny little shopping spree mind.  Just me, me, me.  It's so selfish and ridiculous, I can't stand it.

 She doesn't even know the terms of the loan. She doesn't know how loans work.  She doesn't understand that this can't be 'settled' like with the credit card company.  You don't pay your student loans, there is no bankruptcy.  It stays with you forever.  She didn't understand that.  She is 30 years old.  There is no excuse, unless she actually has a major learning disability, which I'm not willing to rule out.

There should be an IQ test before you can take out a loan. Or get a credit card.

During that conversation I had to hang up on her again. And then I called right back, and let her HAVE IT. She was crying by the end, but I didn't care. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I wasn't going to pay for anything for her ever again, and I would not be taking care of her when mom and dad passed away. She is on her own when that happens. I don't care if she's in the streets, I will not have the burden of someone that doesn't want to help herself.  The disrespect she displayed is completely unforgivable. There is something seriously wrong with her, something that maybe even therapy can't fix, if she keeps doing these things to herself and us. She has no idea what this does to her family, even though we tell her.  She just keeps doing it.

Not only that, she is eating herself to death.  She keeps promising that she'll lose weight and take care of her diabetes, but she's 300 pounds still and gaining weight instead of losing it. She says, "I comfort eat."  Guess what, sweetheart, so do we all!  Time for tough love on yourself! She needs to stop being so nice to herself and giving herself excuses and just get the job done.  The worst part is that I know it is all lip service.  She always says that she's 'trying.'  Trying gets you nowhere--you have to DO. With money and food, and many other vices--she has zero will power.  It's like she is trying to hurt herself, and by proxy, us, as much as possible.  If she actually was doing anything, making any sort of changes, I'd be hopeful for her future. But she continues to do nothing.

If I could actually follow through on the threat to disown her if she were in the streets is highly doubtful.  But it is how I feel right now. It isn't fair that the most responsible of us carry around the weight of the idiots, too.  Hopeful has turned to hopelessness.  AGAIN.