Another Family Tragedy

This isn't PF related, so skip this post if you want investment advice, etc. My blog has taken on a more personal 'journal' type of role in my life...

I received an email this morning from my sister stating that my uncle had died last week in a bad car wreck. Add this to the list of beloved family members that have died in the past few years, and I'm heart-broken all over again. Grandmother, Grandmother, Grandfather, Great-Aunt, and now Uncle. They are dropping like flies, the people that I love, and who loved me for my entire life. It feels like the circle of people that I love is getting smaller and smaller, and one day, there will be no one left. It's horrifying.

I feel horrible that he died the way he did, and that I acted pretty selfishly in not contacting him more when he was alive. I grew up playing with him; he was only 18 years older than me and so we had alot of fun. He had some problems--he lived with his mom until she died in december 06, and never got over her death. I don't think he ever had a girlfriend or a relationship; he was too shy to talk to random people. He was schizophrenic and took medicine which helped, but still couldn't hold down a job, and so was on disability. He kind of retreated into himself when my grandma died--he moved about an hour away from us but wouldn't tell any of us the address. He started drinking heavily, and wouuld call my parent's house to talk for hours and hours if you answered the phone.

So, when I was home for 3 weeks in June this year, he would call and ask to talk to me. I would refuse and my dad would make an excuse for me, not wanting to deal with a 4 hours long drunken conversation, but I did promise him I'd call later. That later never came. The night before I left for Hawaii/NZ, he called and my mom handed the phone to me when I was on my way out of the door to grab some food for the plane, and I did talk to him for about 2 minutes. In that conversation, he told me how proud of me he was, and that he loved me, and then I had to go before the stores closed. Looking back, I feel so incredibly selfish--my whole family told me that he had wanted to talk to me and that it made him happy to hear from me...and still I didn't call.

Once I got Skype here in NZ a few weeks ago and could call for free, I had his name and phone number on a list of people to call. I never did, and if I'm honest with myself, I don't think I ever would have gotten around to it.

I did love him, and I hoped that he'd get better one day and be able to hang out with the family again. I am definitely going to miss him, and his death is going to take a very long while to accept. I say this time and again here lately, but if there's anyone like my uncle in your life that you keep meaning to contact but don't--just do it. It only takes a few minutes of your life to tell someone that you love them.