Spenda

zero for yesterday. Went out for a wonderful dinner under the stars and sky w/ BF, surrounded by some of the oldest buildings in my city, for our 11th month anniversary (got a free dessert for this!).

A good talk with BF turned to a great talk, really in depth about what we both want. Now is as good of a time as any to reveal the recent happenings: BF has submitted his phd statement of purpose to a professor that will probably be his advisor. He's flown out to meet with him, and they get on like a house doused in lighter fluid and a match. complete success! The hitch is--this professor is moving to another university this winter. Another university in another country.

The plan was for me to go along to wherever he gets his PhD, but I guess since it's now an international endeavor, it's time to test the mettle of our relationship a little bit. I really want to go--it's in New Zealand! I looooove NZ; I was there for a month long field trip in grad school. The only issue is, how solid is this relationship? What do we each want? The conversation turned to children--as in, do you want any and when? He wants to have one of the parents at home for the first 3-4 years of their lives. I don't know if a) i want kids, b) would be happy being a housewife, or c) alternately, could handle being the sole provider for the entire family (if he stayed at home). so there's a lot of talking going on right now, even though that (kids) is at least 3 years away.

Anyway, we're figuring things out. Honestly, it's really up to him. I want to go to NZ with him, I'm not of a solid opinion one way or another about kids, he's the one with the firm needs, so it's his call on whether he wants to continue a relationship and invest time in someone who may not want the same things he does. I guess I'm in the same boat, but since I don't really care one way or another (that's not true; I kind of see the argument both ways: kids/no kids; and can't make up my mind--it's more like i care too much), I have it a little easier.

But I like all this talking. I think it shows that we can communicate, and that the important issues are being discussed before we jump into a major inter-continental move together. I think it bodes well for any sort of long-term future commitment (ie marriage). so life is happening, whether or not i'm ready for it. all i know is that I'm better with him than without him.